smudge21 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Simplified version - met girl, hit it off really well, got together but didn't work out and she went back to her long term boyfriend, stayed friends (mainly due to working together), I still got massive feelings for her. Every now and then we'll catch up and the fire is still very much there, but nothing comes from it. So now here I am, this girl that I truly love so much, I've decided to give up on and walk away. I never wanted to but I can't keep kidding myself that this is going to go anywhere. I really don't like the idea of things happening for nothing, so the thought of spending so much time getting to know someone all for nothing seems like such a waste of precious life. I know I will keep asking myself what was the point of it all, but there will be no answers. My one major regret is that I never honestly told her how I feel. She clearly knows I do love her, just as I know she has feelings for me (albeit not as strong), but she doesn't know how strong those feelings are. But I feel it's too late now. Our contact between each other has become less and less recently so my time to confess these feelings passed a long time ago. I will always regret not telling her. Here's to the next few months of feeling like s**t as I cope with the ol' NC. There is good chance she will get in touch, maybe wanting a friendly meet up, that sort of thing, but I hope I can stay NC. Maybe if she contacts me a lot it'll be my chance to just tell her. I don't know, my minds just not thinking straight about this. I'm partly tempted to do the classic write her a letter - not begging her back, but just being honest and saying I can't be her friend anymore, but something just doesn't feel right about that. I hate walking away as to me that's giving up, especially after investing so much time wanting to be with her, but I feel I have no choice. I guess the only thing I take from this is to remember to always be honest with yourself and the ones you love.
depplover_1980 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Smudge you need an attitude adjustment. You are looking very negatively at the experience as a whole saying it was a 'waste'. No relationship lasts forever and they all end through one reason or death. Not many make it the full way and those loves that people had/have are REAL and not a WASTE. I guarantee and gather from your post that you have learnt things about yourself, your capacity to love and emotions you had contained within that you hadn't felt before. You have also learnt a lesson in that you should have told her how you felt, so next time you are in this position you will not repeat the error. These things are life lessons and pleasant memories (once healed) and never for nothing, so try force yourself to look on it more positively and in time your brain will believe you and you'll start to feel better. A happy you will be the attractive you and if there is any chance of getting her to you then this is the only way, or you'll attract another hottie in the meantime...
Author smudge21 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 Thanks for your kind words. Just what I needed to read. I post on here giving others advice and it's nice to receive some when needed.
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