AgeOfUninnocence Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I've been experiencing this odd feeling lately in regards to exes, and I was wondering if anyone else has felt the same way, and what I should make of it? I've met someone that I find myself really attracted too, so of course, once we became facebook friends, I looked at a lot of his pictures on there. And then I saw pictures of his ex-girlfriend, and instantly felt downtrodden. It felt like, how I could I possibly even date this person, when he already had a happy relationship in the past, already shared so many wonderful, special, romantic memories, and there will always be that person in his life that he feels this special bond with? It almost feels like I shouldn't even bother, because he already has/had someone (since he's single now) and it'd be like I was stealing him. I feel like this ex-girlfriend has so many memories, so much past experience and knowledge of this person, that she has the upperhand, and like I have no right to potentially date him. However, then I'll go see pictures of my ex with his new girlfriend, and I'll feel exactly the opposite. I'll feel like all my memories, knowledge, special times, romantic moments, etc. mean nothing. I feel like I have no right to talk or interact with him because now there's this new girl that's dating him, and like she has the upperhand because she's with him now, so she knows him better than I do, because she's so new and current. So basically, I'm wondering why do I feel inferior to a new guy's ex-girlfriend, whereas I don't feel like I'm any kind of threat to my ex's new girlfriend? I'm actually more threatened by her. Has anyone else had these kinds of feelings?
Stilicho Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 its normal. When i was with my most recent ex, i would sometimes think of the same thing about her ex bf, especially if there was a certain thing that i knew triggered memories within her of him. its jealousy and insecurity in it's basest form, but its unavoidable if you really love the person. i mean, what person that loves someone doesnt want that person to be all theirs? over time the feelings decrease, but no matter what, dont let the feelings taint the present you have with your significant other.
Author AgeOfUninnocence Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 its normal. When i was with my most recent ex, i would sometimes think of the same thing about her ex bf, especially if there was a certain thing that i knew triggered memories within her of him. its jealousy and insecurity in it's basest form, but its unavoidable if you really love the person. i mean, what person that loves someone doesnt want that person to be all theirs? over time the feelings decrease, but no matter what, dont let the feelings taint the present you have with your significant other. Understandable... although I don't have a significant other at all right now, so it's more like the feeling that I have no right to have one because he already had all those experienced with someone else... and then it's like my ex's new girl is tramping all over that, cause she obviously doesn't feel any insecurities about him already having been with someone at all.
jen_r Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I feel the same way! I feel like I don't wanna date someone who's been with someone else or loved someone else. I know theres nothing I can do about it since everyones been with someone else! lol. I must be one of the rare few who don't believe in running around dating multiple people and falling in love multiple times...it seems to cheapen itself after a while. My ex was my first love, I was his 3rd...no wonder he didn't give a ***** about me.
starryeyed12 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I think you're projecting your own feelings about your past relationship onto this new guy and his past relationship. The truth is you have no idea what his past relationship was really like. You can only speculate and make assumptions based on your own experience, which was uniquely yours. Bottom line: if it was the true love forever, story book romance they would still be together. Everyone has a past and any person you can say you loved will *always be a part of you. You can't take it back. It's imprinted on you forever or until you experience longer term memory loss, which is hopefully never. As years go on you forget most things, but you never forget entirely. That's another crazy part about love, and partly why its so special. Life is not simple and pure. It's not cut and dry or black and white. I'm not saying its ok to still hold that person on a pedestal and pin away. No, you deserve to be # 1, as you will be. But u have to respect the past and let it be what it is...history....for a reason. It sounds like you are not in the right place to be entering a relationship. Let yourself heal and concentrate on you and find out why all the reasons why you are wonderful just being you.
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