pollylolly Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I met my ex boyfriend a few years ago. We fell in love quick. He really pursued me big time. He told me he loved me after a few months together and treated me better than I can imagine any boyfriend treating me. He was such a pure, loyal and sensitive guy. Better than anybody I have ever met. Okay, so we moved abroad together. Everything was magical. I knew he only had eyes for me and I would have trusted him forever. Then he joined a band. He is very musical and creative. It is his passion and he told me it comes second to me. I took his word for it and support it. So after almost two years things get very serious between us. I admit that we spent a lot of time together at first. Maybe too much time but we had such fun together But over time he made more and more time for his band and less time for me. I can live with this I thought. I will support him. Anyway, lets just saw he got a lot of female attention after joining this band. Women basically throwing themselves at him. In our home country he is an average guy and by no means do women throw themselves at him. It's just not culturally acceptable. However, in this country girls threw themselves at him because he has a certain skin color, he is in a band and he speaks English. Yes, this country has many shallow girls who just want to date a foreign guy because of status. Not many foreign people there, so yes we get treated like famous people. Personally, I hate it as it is shallow and slightly racist as you are treated so differently. My boyfriend loved it. I mean, he started to strut the streets. I caught him emailing girls. He told me they were related to his band. I'm not sure I buy it. Also, there were a few situations where he lied to me about what he was doing which makes me suspect that he was up to no good. His attitude turned. His ego was so huge all of a sudden and he loved the attention. He told me people stare at us as we are 'so beautiful'. This made me mad as they stare because we are different. He got really 'trendy' clothes and really freaked out about his hair style. I promise, when I met him first he wore what made him comfy and didn't obsess about his hair. I became sick of watching him check himself out in reflections. It is kind of funny I guess. But heartbreaking to watch. Anyway, a few weeks ago we realised it wasn't working. I became very insecure and started to think he didn't find me attractive anymore. I saw all the pretty girls he added on facebook and I found myself comparing me to them. It was the lowest I ever felt. So, he broke up with me. He claimed that he wanted more time with his new bands. He is around 3 bands now, its out of control. He plans on recording an album soon. He said his decision had nothing to do with ''other girls'' and totally to do with his passion for music. He really wants to be a rock star. I cringe at this but it's what he wants. In this country he is successful enough as foreign bands are very popular as they are rare. but I find it hard to believe him that its only about the music. I have recently got some of my confidence back. I have started going out and have received a lot of interest from guys. People tell me I am attractive and I do admit I get a lot of male attention but I just can't admit to myself that I could be as pretty as all the other girls throwing themselves at him. I feel utterly devastated and confused about how my wonderful, down to earth boyfriend turned into a self obsessed moron. I miss the old guy so much. I wonder if this phase will ever end? Since we have broken up he has really pursued friendship. He told me he still loved me with all his heart and today he said he's not over me but wants me to be happy. If I am so attractive, caring and wonderful then why did he let me go? It kills me to think about it. I would really love some of your responses or what do you think about the situation. He is not a bad man, but just a naive man I think. Or maybe this is who he always was but needed a bit of confidence to change? I mean, he was so gentle, sensitive and polite. Now he is arrogant and thinks only of his own interests.
depplover_1980 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 'We Sold Our Souls to Rock and Roll' is the name of a Black Sabbath compilation album and says it all. My first love was in a band, I am friends with numerous people in bands varying in degrees of success and I have met many rock stars. Your ex has done what 80% of guys that get into bands has done and that is get carried away with the scene and believe his own hype. I have witnessed this so many times and rolled my eyes so much they got tired! I am sorry this has happened to you but there is nothing you can do to salvage the relationships at this stage. But let me tell you 2 things that will make you feel better: 1. Girls that throw themselves at bands are often stupid with zero personality and are not respected by the band in the slightest. He will sleep with them with no connection whatsoever other than being high and feeding his ego. Each girl will be very quickly tossed aside for fresh meat. 2. Whether it is in a year or 5 years your ex will look back at how you supported him, what you gave to him and completely regret his behaviour. He will look at the fact he has become an empty vessel where no one cares who he really is beyond his status and he will feel very lonely. He may even search for you at this point but you will be long gone and happy. Move forward with your life, appreciate what you did have and cherish it - eventually he will merit you as being one of his true loves in life but it is a long way off. I know I haven't told you exactly what you want to hear but it is the truth about rock!!!
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