Not really sure

[montana15]

Let me start off by saying i am 19, she is 18. I know it's young, but i don't think a man is ever too young for courting advice. Sorry for the weird title, but this site kept rejecting every other title i tried to give this thread

 

This may be a bit long, but bear with me.

 

So this girl i went to school with five years ago recently contacted me via facebook friend request. Let's call her Patty. Since it has been so long since we've even seen eachother face to face, i think it's safe to say i pretty much had a 'start over'. If that makes sense.

 

Anyway

 

I message her, after i accept the request, and we talk a bit. She seemed excited, but i didn't handle it that smoothly. The conversation ended with me saying i got to go, overall it wasn't horrible, but could have been a lot better.

 

A week or so later i message her again just talk about music in general and local bands. Managed to make her laugh a little and found out we had a little in common (Overall i didn't talk to her for that long.) At the end of the message i asked for her number, and got it.

 

After three days i texted her, and it went fairly well. We talked about bands and such breifly, then i made a mistake. I asked her to go out too soon. (Normally i wouldn't think asking a girl out too soon is possible, but considering we havn't met in 5 years, it's safe to say i'm pretty much just a guy she met on facebook). She said she was busy that weekend, but maybe some other time. Luckily, i think i talked my way out of my mistake pretty good.

 

Her: "I can't go this weekend blah blah."

 

Me: "It's cool. I kind of rethought it anyway. May have been kinda weird chillin with someone you hardly know."

 

Her: "Thats why you get to know them haha."

 

After that i sent her four or five more texts, to assure her there were no hard feelings and i ended the conversation saying i would text her that weekend (It was thursday i think). Overall around 17 or 18 texts between us.

On monday i texted her again. I found out where she worked, made her laugh a little, and then talked about concerts and her favorite band again. Then i ended the conversation again (I've ended it each time). This time only around 14 or 15 texts between us.

 

The problem is, i want to take her out soon, since i fear if i only keep texting her i may end up falling in the friend zone or she may just get bored with me. It's not that im desperate, not at all. This is just a really pretty girl, so i'd like to not screw up haha.

 

Also, is it bad that are texts are relitavly short? I meen we're not having those all day text conversations, but im too busy. Still both have lasted 3-4 hours each. Also, is it bad im the one ended the conversations each time?

 

Finally, whats a way i can kind of ask her on a date without asking her? lol. Because i've already screwed up once, and luckily i recovered.

 

However i doubt i have room to screw up again. Should i continue to wait and just text her a little more? The problem with that is, i feel the longer it takes for me to see her in person/on a date, the more likely i will be put on the back burner.

 

Another thing i've considered is just not texting her, to see if she attempts to start a conversation herself. The problem with that is, i never leave it to a woman to start a conversation, if it happens, nice. But i never count on a girl calling / texting first.

 

I'm thinking i should back off for a while, 4 or 5 days maybe, not because our conversations arn't going well, They're doing very well. But its just because i want to avoid the friend zone and texting her too often. The problem with that is, she is a very pretty girl, so if i back off someone else may make a move. Competition doesn't bother me, it's just the idea that someone could be whooing her while im silent.

 

I hope i've provided enough information. I'm probably over thinking this, but i can't listen to my gut. Since my gut is telling me to text her everyday, and im 100% certain that spells clingy.

Edited February 9, 2011 by montana15

[Lilmisus]

You're right in not texting her everyday, not because it will spell clingy, but it does seem slightly desperate, and it makes it to where your relationship is purely based around texts.

 

Try waiting a few days, text her just to see how she's doing, and try to keep the conversation going as long as possible. Don't be the only one in control in this relationship, and let her be the one to say goodbye sometimes or initiate some of the conversations by asking her to text you sometime maybe. At the end of the conversation, ask her if it would be okay if you could call her sometime (as opposed to texting), and see how it feels that way. Not only will it show more of her interest level, but it will also take away the boundary of simply texting/Facebooking each other (unless you have been calling her, which I didn't find in your post). If y'all feel comfortable with the phone call, try calling her again, and keep the calls (and texts) going for maybe a week, two, or three, or however long it takes for y'all to feel truly comfortable talking to each other.

 

Try to find out what her schedules like, if she has classes to go to, or a job, see if she has a short break sometime for y'all to grab coffee or some lunch, nothing too serious at first, since taking it slow is almost always the best way to go. You mainly want to go from there, but if things go well, escalate it to dinner/movie, going out, joining friends, etc. Just take time to get to re-know this pretty girl, but don't come across the wrong way. Either as too distant, or too clingy. Play it cool, and if she doesn't seem interested, just accept it, and move on.

[montana15]

Thanks dude, great advice.

 

It's funny how some things i think are so complicated have the most straight-forward, simple solutions. Haha.

 

Again, thanks for your great advice.