new0726 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 My girlfriend and I have been having problems. There hasn't been any arguing or anything. She is faithful, as am I. But she is confused for some reason. Our relationship has moved rather quickly, but i believe that when something is meant to be it happens all at once. But she is just starting the process for her divorce even though they have been separated for close to a year now. Anyway...things have increasingly gotten worse between us. I love her so much and I know that she loves me. But she says it scares the hell out of her. I guess because she is afraid to let me in and get hurt again. But everything I ask her about us and our future is.."I don't know right now". So now i am insecure because I feel our relationship is coming to an end. And so I am bringing these issues up which in turn makes her feel threatened and like I am not being patient. I don't want to lose her...what should I do? Just give her some time of NC from me?
D-Lish Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Being separated for a year may seem like a good amount of time, but I was in the same boat and I can tell you that it's not long enough to be completely healed. It took me a lot longer than a year to even begin to get my life back on track. I too dated someone in the first year after leaving my husband, but I found it hard to give all my energy to that person and I eventually needed to walk away. The best thing you can do is to give her space at this point. Any sort of pressure will only push her further away.
Author new0726 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 Thank you very much. I'm really not trying to push at all. I'm trying to give her space. I would do anything for her, I know that. But I guess you are right...all I can do is just to back off and let her decide.
gator12 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Yep give her space, that is the only thing you can do right now. Any pressure from you will only push her farther away, she needs room to breathe right now. You can let her know you're there for her. But no more questions about the future and how she feels, she needs to sort all of this out herself, you can't help right now except by backing off.
Author new0726 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 Thank you for the advice gator... But if she contacts me, say, in the morning...do I respond? I don't want to ignore her because I know she needs support right now. But you are completely right about not pushing and asking about the future and stuff..I see that now.
Author new0726 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 So I really expected to hear from her this morning. And I havent, so that really hurts. I just want to blow up her phone with apologies and love...but i know that isn't the smart thing to do. I guess I need to wait for her to message me, right?
gator12 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 You need to not only wait for her to message you but wait for her to message you with something more substantial than a "Hey" or "How are you." When she needs you she will come to you, so unless she says something that clearly says she "wants you back and needs you" You cannot reply. Don't expect a message from her anytime soon. I'd say a month is a good amount of time for a break, you guys need to take a step back and get yourselves together. She can't decide in just a week or two so don't expect her too. If you really want her and it's meant to be, a month is not too much to ask. You don;t break NC until she does, make sure you have that clear! And not one of those hey messages, but something substantial. Okay? Don't take any crumbs. Ooooo and don't apologize for anything, don't pronounce your love, anything right now. Your relationship essentially a baby right now and you putting that pillow on her head will kill it. So just take some time off, show her you are independent of her and hang out with your friends, girl's hate clingers. Show her you don't need her in your life by living it, that way she'll know it's not that you need her but that you want her if you guys get back together. Which is the best thing for both of you. Stay strong -Gator
Author new0726 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 You are completely right, Gator. I'm starting that now. She stayed over last night and things were fine, but not like I wanted. So it's time to distance myself. It's hard because we work together but I'm on vacation the rest of the week so it'll be a good time to start. Btw, what do you think about Valentine's Day...? Do nothing? Thanks!
0hpenelope Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 You are completely right, Gator. I'm starting that now. She stayed over last night and things were fine, but not like I wanted. So it's time to distance myself. It's hard because we work together but I'm on vacation the rest of the week so it'll be a good time to start. Btw, what do you think about Valentine's Day...? Do nothing? Thanks! Yes. Do nothing. When you think you can do something that will cause her to have a change of mind and heart, re-think again because you're most likely wrong. This? But everything I ask her about us and our future is.."I don't know right now". It's only been 2 days. That's not enough time for her to have a change of anything. Anything that you do at this point will only cause her to distance herself from you further. Valentine's Day? What's that? It's just another Monday to me.
Author new0726 Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 Just another Monday sounds nice! Haha.
Author new0726 Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 I've barely been half a day without hearing from her. And I really am having a difficult time with it. I've tried to stay busy all day, but no matter how consuming the task is nothing can get her out of my head. I don't know what to do...
Recommended Posts