musemaj11 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 That hasn't worked for me. No man who is with me doubts that I love him, desire him, and think he's tops. If anything, in the past I probably could have stood to leave a little more mystery in the air, in that regard. If a man feels inferior in spite of me not having treated him as less than me, there's really not much I can do about that. How much smarter are you than them? If you are really much more knowledgeable than them then I can understand why they felt emasculated. It can be embarrassing when your partner often brings up topics that you have no clue about for example.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 How much smarter are you than them? How can one know? People are smart in different ways. If you are really much more knowledgeable than them then I can understand why they felt emasculated. The puzzling thing is that up front, they are all into it, and tell me how awesome it is to have a girlfriend they can really talk to, who has no interest in celeb gossip rags, who is good at things and goes for it. But eventually, most of them admit they are threatened and scared I will find someone better. It's very frustrating.
Woggle Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 The fact of the matter is that if you are smart and going places men feel like you don't need them and men hate feeling disposable in a relationship. The question they ask themselves is that if you have that much going for you what do you need a men for. The sad truth is that there are a good number of men who would rather be needed and not loved than loved and not needed. They feel more security that way.
bayouboi Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 The sad truth is that there are a good number of men who would rather be needed and not loved than loved and not needed. They feel more security that way. Not gonna lie, this does seem true. Wtf is 'love' anyway.? I certainly don't know anymore.
january2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 The sad truth is that there are a good number of men who would rather be needed and not loved than loved and not needed. They feel more security that way. Interesting. Food for thought indeed, Woggle.
EasyHeart Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 The fact of the matter is that if you are smart and going places men feel like you don't need them and men hate feeling disposable in a relationship. The question they ask themselves is that if you have that much going for you what do you need a men for. Now that you mention it, I've run into a similar problem with women. I've had several women tell me that I didn't "need" them because I can cook, clean, do my own laundry and dress myself. Apparently many women are intimidated by strong and independent men.
Disillusioned Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Now that you mention it, I've run into a similar problem with women. I've had several women tell me that I didn't "need" them because I can cook, clean, do my own laundry and dress myself. Apparently many women are intimidated by strong and independent men. Which is exactly why human cloning isn't such a bad idea.
EasyHeart Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Which is exactly why human cloning isn't such a bad idea.So that every woman in the world could have me? What a great idea!
Titania22 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 The fact of the matter is that if you are smart and going places men feel like you don't need them and men hate feeling disposable in a relationship. The question they ask themselves is that if you have that much going for you what do you need a men for. The sad truth is that there are a good number of men who would rather be needed and not loved than loved and not needed. They feel more security that way. Truth is the right man can provide something for the woman that she can't provide for herself, and a majority of other men (possibly all) can't provide for her either. I am more interested in that man, trying to convince him that in my eyes he is very much needed, and very much irreplacable.
Taramere Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 The sad truth is that there are a good number of men who would rather be needed and not loved than loved and not needed. They feel more security that way. Is that about having security, or is it about having power over another person?
Woggle Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Is that about having security, or is it about having power over another person? It is about power but the desire for power comes from wanting security. It is all connected. A man's worst fear about marriage is coming home one day and his wife is no longer in love and wants a divorce. If she needs him then she has a reason to stay with him but if she can survive on her own then what happens when she falls out of love? I don't agree with this way of thinking but it is very common amongst men.
Titania22 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Is that about having security, or is it about having power over another person? Good call.
jane100 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Lovely bird people who are gifted and talented hide their abilities to fit in all the time. I know some gifted people who have underachieved and self sabotaged their way into mediocrity in the name of having "friends" and being treated normally. kindof beautifully-put, but one of the saddest things I ever read.
jane100 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 from what I understand (rather late in the game) is that what men like is a "challenge" i.e. a woman being herself and confident in that. which has nothing to do with IQ, jobs, qualifications, etc etc. in a way it makes it simpler ...
Disillusioned Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Is that about having security, or is it about having power over another person? Well, look around and see the result of women getting power. They take it for a joyride and crash it.
Disillusioned Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 So that every woman in the world could have me? What a great idea! Ah, but your clones would have to be as mean-spirited, materialistic, and fickle as women are, or no woman would want one. Win some, lose some.
carhill Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 A brain is required as, absent one, the female would be dead and I'm not into necrophilia. I'm not picky about what kind of brain..... reptilian, bird, fish, it's all good. Seriously, as long as she knows how and is willing to occasionally 'turn off' the brain and have fun at a simple human level, I find intelligence to be quite the aphrodisiac. I think my exW said it best when she said 'I wish you'd just shut that brain off and f*ck'. She was a master of tact and polite conversation
hopefully Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Brain or no brain, I think in the dating/relationship/marriage world, personality is more important. From my observation, if one has got a friendly personality, then it's much easier for him/her make friends. My college classmates are almost all married/engaged, and some of them are really not good-looking, but they all find their love. On the other hand, I'm shy and people usually don't look at me as friendly,though my close friends all know that I'm a warm and caring person, and I'm alone.
musemaj11 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 (edited) The puzzling thing is that up front, they are all into it, and tell me how awesome it is to have a girlfriend they can really talk to, who has no interest in celeb gossip rags, who is good at things and goes for it. But eventually, most of them admit they are threatened and scared I will find someone better. It's very frustrating. You know, perhaps they just wanted to break up with you for other reasons yet they used that reason out of convenience? My guess is that those guys werent ready for a serious relationship and just wanted some 'dumb' girl whom they could have fun with. I know that until I was in my early 20s, I just wanted hot dumb girls because they were the easiest and I wanted nothing serious with them. But now, Im ready for something serious and I would like a woman with more sophistication. Anyway, by 'they', you mean how many guys? Two? Edited February 16, 2011 by musemaj11
Ruby Slippers Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Anyway, by 'they', you mean how many guys? Two? Four. Every guy I've gotten serious with has eventually admitted to me that he worries I'm beyond him in some way, I don't 'need' him, and I will leave him for someone 'better'. And believe me, I have indulged in being more 'needy', and most of them don't like that, either. So for now, I basically say: screw them! I'll make my own fun.
EasyHeart Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Is that about having security, or is it about having power over another person?Neither. It's about being allowed to contribute to the relationship. A good relationship involves interdependence. IME, many women (at least those in the generation now in its 30s and 40s) have been socialized to believe that women are/must be superior to men in all regards, and that the function of men in relationships is little more than that of a servant. If one person considers themselves superior in all ways, then the other person has no function in the relationship. If nothing I do is ever good enough, then why would I possibly want to stay?
phineas Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I've seen way to many women marry every day hard working men making an average wage put their wives through college as soon as the kids are old enough to fend for themselves. Usually teaching or nursing or some specialty in the medical field that pays more than the husband makes. Next thing you know, she has a degree & she's shopping for an upgrade in the man department. Usually a tenured teacher or Dr.
Woggle Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I've seen way to many women marry every day hard working men making an average wage put their wives through college as soon as the kids are old enough to fend for themselves. Usually teaching or nursing or some specialty in the medical field that pays more than the husband makes. Next thing you know, she has a degree & she's shopping for an upgrade in the man department. Usually a tenured teacher or Dr. Very true. My father paid for my mother's college and supported her all the way through everything she wanted to do and she showed her appreciation with dumping him and blaming him for holding her down.
musemaj11 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Four. Every guy I've gotten serious with has eventually admitted to me that he worries I'm beyond him in some way, I don't 'need' him, and I will leave him for someone 'better'. And believe me, I have indulged in being more 'needy', and most of them don't like that, either. So for now, I basically say: screw them! I'll make my own fun. Ya well I guess we men don't know what we want either. Lol
mortensorchid Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I've heard many opinions on this, and while men talk the talk, they don't walk the walk. I've seen all the guys who have said that they like smart women, that they like successful women, that they like educated women, that they like the things that go along with it. But, I am sorry to say, they do not truly like smart women. They like women who are lesser than they are. That means less educated, have lesser jobs than they have, who are not as successful, and, perhaps most of all, have a lesser personality than they do. I've seen too many men over the years from all walks of life who do not go for the most attractive, most successful, or the most educated. Instead they go for someone lesser than they are because they want to subliminally feel superior to them.
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