Highness Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 In Australia. You better come and here to get them. ... avoid WA though...
Lovelybird Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I suppose u like men with no job then? After all love is all that matters right? So you mean the relationship between man and woman is about utilitarian? about how much I can get in this relationship?
phillyfan Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Hey guys I just have a random question for you. Are females with brains a turn off? I was kind of always bought up with the feeling that I could never get a partner unless I had some kind of degree or something. I was a very very ugly girl and got bullied alot and thus it was kinda set in my mind that the only way I could get a guy would be to impress him with my knowledge. So I put my head down and went to uni and worked my butt off! I have two science degrees, an endorsement and am now doing my masters in science. However it seems like this is a massive turn off for guys. I never bring it up unless asked but when I do say what I study or what I have studied they seem to run for the hills. Its kinda gotten to the point where Im almost embarrased to talk about it and I dread being asked!! So I was just a little curious if it is a turn off for a female to have brains? Thanks Dude no, u know what. U just be who u r, nothin cooler than a girl who is proud to be herself, if u r a genius who saves the planet or u r a hooters girl - who cares as long as u r happy in ur own skin. U girl, need to be more confident.
phillyfan Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Yeah the second part USMC talks about "pretentious" so on is basically exactly what I am. Haha minus the pretentious . They aren't really nothings, but like I may talk about what I read up on dark matter, etc. I kind of have to watch where I do that though because a lot of people don't reactive positively to it. Anyhow. LOL dont do that on dates, even dudes into dark matter wud probly find it weird that u started discussin it on a date. time and a place man
StalledGirl Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I was once told by a potential date.." I have to keep up with you , you keep me on my toes" followed by a long conversation about intelligent women. I don't see myself as brainy at all but I do think most men prefer being the clever one in a romantic relationship. I adore intelligent men so a man who wasn't wouldn't be compatible with me
Taramere Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Because that sounds utilitarian than love and appreciate another human being. but I realize probably most of people fall into utilitarian category Well there has to be something that makes A stand out from the crowd in B's eyes - right? Should it be A's beauty? His/her talents? His/her ability/desire to help others? Whatever that thing that makes A stand out in B's eyes might be, you can bet that the bottom line involves B looking at A and thinking "this person could make my life better." Whether "better" means easier, more fun, happier, more luxurious - who knows? You can get depressed about people having that utilitarian approach, or you can take it as a challenge that if you decide you want a partner then it's a good idea to become the best person you can be. You might not get the person you want, but if you've improved yourself in all kinds of ways in the quest to try to impress them, then that's still a good result.
Lovelybird Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Well there has to be something that makes A stand out from the crowd in B's eyes - right? Should it be A's beauty? His/her talents? His/her ability/desire to help others? Whatever that thing that makes A stand out in B's eyes might be, you can bet that the bottom line involves B looking at A and thinking "this person could make my life better." Whether "better" means easier, more fun, happier, more luxurious - who knows? You can get depressed about people having that utilitarian approach, or you can take it as a challenge that if you decide you want a partner then it's a good idea to become the best person you can be. You might not get the person you want, but if you've improved yourself in all kinds of ways in the quest to try to impress them, then that's still a good result. You have very positive attitude:). There are women or men who always feel they are not enough, such as OP, after she worked hard to be intelligent, she still feels not enough. Almost of every one of us would feel this inadequacy especially when we face rejection. But there are people who deal with this more easily. What makes the difference? The foundamental acceptance of self? Does the childhood experience dominate the rest of a person's life? Do people really get satisfaction when they engage in improving themselves? If a person tries so hard to be better that she became so competitive, to the degree isolate herself from others, then probably she is bettering herself in a wrong way?
musemaj11 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 So you mean the relationship between man and woman is about utilitarian? about how much I can get in this relationship? U didn't answer my question. Would u wanna marry a man who has no job? If the answer is no then u r a hypocrite. Most people especially women look for a mate based on various utilitarian qualifications. Even finding a handsome mate to get sex from is still utilitarian.
Macaw Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I'm turned on by women with brains, but a lot of other men are turned off by them. It's generally well known that less intelligent people enjoy sex more. Dummies have us brainiacs beat in bed, hands down. This is just as incorrect as saying that the only people who do not enjoy sex every day are those who are bad at it. I have an IQ of 142 and I would have sex 7d/week if I could.
EasyHeart Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 In Australia. You better come and here to get them.This would explain a lot, since I have never been to Australia. I am on my way. Hopefully, these smart Aussie women will like an unemployed man with a strange accent.
Lovelybird Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 U didn't answer my question. Would u wanna marry a man who has no job? If the answer is no then u r a hypocrite. Most people especially women look for a mate based on various utilitarian qualifications. Even finding a handsome mate to get sex from is still utilitarian. I didn't say I am exempted from utilitarian motives. and I am feeling bad for both my and others' this utilitarian motives. Yes, I won't want to marry a man who doesn't want to work, but if he tries his best, just temporarily lost his job, that is another story. I think I adore a man who knows his strength and uses them instead of wasting away life and taking advantage of weak women and fearing facing his weaknesses and hiding from challenges.
TerminalMan Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Intelligence is definitely a turn-on, though a little ignorance is sometimes cute. We all have areas we can improve in. But honesty and not playing games is even more of a turn-on. Bad spelling/grammar is a bit of a turn-off, if done excessively. Watch out for the dating site profiles of people who say "I just wanna man/woman who is not a lier [sic] and a cheat." From personal experience, they are usually liars and cheaters themselves. I don't judge people based on their education. Some of the smartest people I know never gradutated from college... and some of the most educated can be completely clueless about real life. Nerdy girls are a big turn-on. If you are anywhere between "average" and "halfway hot" and start talking about quantum physics, you have my attention. And I agree with a previous poster who said that many guys tend to be intimidated by women who are a lot smarter or more successful than themselves.
Titania22 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 This would explain a lot, since I have never been to Australia. I am on my way. Hopefully, these smart Aussie women will like an unemployed man with a strange accent. See you soon! Lots of women love strange accents:love:, but you might want to downplay the unemployed until you prove those sexual skills.
musemaj11 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I didn't say I am exempted from utilitarian motives. and I am feeling bad for both my and others' this utilitarian motives. Yes, I won't want to marry a man who doesn't want to work, but if he tries his best, just temporarily lost his job, that is another story. I think I adore a man who knows his strength and uses them instead of wasting away life and taking advantage of weak women and fearing facing his weaknesses and hiding from challenges. Exactly, we all want a partner who will supplement us, not a partner who will bog us down.
Taramere Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Do people really get satisfaction when they engage in improving themselves? If a person tries so hard to be better that she became so competitive, to the degree isolate herself from others, then probably she is bettering herself in a wrong way? I don't think so. If people are isolating you because you're improving yourself, then those people are being competitive in a negative way. Trying to punish another person for excelling. Have you ever encountered children who could have done really well academically, but who floundered, because they didn't want to stand out? They didn't want less able friends to alienate them for doing too well? You're regarding somebody excelling and standing out as being a competitive socially alienating action. Depending on their environment it may well be...but if that's the case, I would want to encourage the person away from that environment where they're alienated for excelling, and into an environment where they'll be able to bloom, without the envious continually condemning them for blooming. The woman who works hard to excel, and then finds herself being rejected by certain men as a result of excelling seems to be the topic of this thread. Even in 2011, there are women questioning whether they should play dumb and underachieve in order to be more attractive to men. Just as there are children of both genders in low performing inner city schools who underachieve in order to fit in. You started an elitist thread in the watercooler, and asked "are you an elitist?" I gave jokey answers to you, but the serious answer is that yes, I am an elitist. I don't believe in throwing talented children and below average (academically) childen together in an academic setting. I don't believe in sacrificing the talented ones, so that the average or below average can feel better about themselves. If necessary, those talented children should be taken away from the others altogether, and educated in another environment where they can feel accepted and appreciated for their gifts - rather than mocked and alienated for them.
Lovelybird Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I don't think so. If people are isolating you because you're improving yourself, then those people are being competitive in a negative way. Trying to punish another person for excelling. Have you ever encountered children who could have done really well academically, but who floundered, because they didn't want to stand out? They didn't want less able friends to alienate them for doing too well? You're regarding somebody excelling and standing out as being a competitive socially alienating action. Depending on their environment it may well be...but if that's the case, I would want to encourage the person away from that environment where they're alienated for excelling, and into an environment where they'll be able to bloom, without the envious continually condemning them for blooming. The woman who works hard to excel, and then finds herself being rejected by certain men as a result of excelling seems to be the topic of this thread. Even in 2011, there are women questioning whether they should play dumb and underachieve in order to be more attractive to men. Just as there are children of both genders in low performing inner city schools who underachieve in order to fit in. You started an elitist thread in the watercooler, and asked "are you an elitist?" I gave jokey answers to you, but the serious answer is that yes, I am an elitist. I don't believe in throwing talented children and below average (academically) childen together in an academic setting. I don't believe in sacrificing the talented ones, so that the average or below average can feel better about themselves. If necessary, those talented children should be taken away from the others altogether, and educated in another environment where they can feel accepted and appreciated for their gifts - rather than mocked and alienated for them. If you think this way, it doesn't sound you are an elitist. An elitist is one who reject and alienate and despise those who they think below them either intelligently or something else. The heart of an elitist is pride and fundamental ignorance of own weaknesses If one does have talent, then she shouldn't repress that in order to make others feel better. It is sad that human nature is jealous of such person. A very talent person can be very compassionate and humble
Mrlonelyone Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 If you think this way, it doesn't sound you are an elitist. An elitist is one who reject and alienate and despise those who they think below them either intelligently or something else. The heart of an elitist is pride and fundamental ignorance of own weaknesses If one does have talent, then she shouldn't repress that in order to make others feel better. It is sad that human nature is jealous of such person. A very talent person can be very compassionate and humble Lovely bird people who are gifted and talented hide their abilities to fit in all the time. I know some gifted people who have underachieved and self sabotaged their way into mediocrity in the name of having "friends" and being treated normally.
Taramere Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 If you think this way, it doesn't sound you are an elitist. An elitist is one who reject and alienate and despise those who they think below them either intelligently or something else. The heart of an elitist is pride and fundamental ignorance of own weaknesses That sounds like narcissism - which I tend to think is founded upon insecurity. Arrogance that develops as a defensive response against real or perceived rejection from others. A bright, talented child might go to a rough inner city school and be viewed as bottom of the social pile because he/she plays in the school orchestra and shows aptitude in class. Their talents don't place them at the top of the heap...they actually place them at the bottom, like the ugly duckling who was pecked at and chased by the hens and ducks for not fitting in. When he/she grows up and gains a bit of success in life, maybe they will adopt an elitist approach to people who have been less successful as revenge for how they were treated at school. Have you heard of the Pick-up artist technique known as "negging"? This is where a man insults an attractive woman because he perceives her as being somebody who has probably had a lifetime of privilege/being sucked up to by men. Who willl therefore take note of a man who doesn't treat her like that. The reality might be that that woman spent her teenage years being the butt of jealous sniping from less attractive "alphagirls" and their obedient boyfriends/hangers-on. Of course, if this has wrecked her self esteem maybe she'll be easy pickings for other people's put-you-down manipulations. Or she might respond like a friend of mine has, at times, by being very aggressive/dismissively elitist towards those men because their behaviour is too reminiscent of dark days in the playground when she was picked on by kids who were infuriated by the fact that she stood out. If one does have talent, then she shouldn't repress that in order to make others feel better. It is sad that human nature is jealous of such person. A very talent person can be very compassionate and humble I agree. Unfortunately there's so much emphasis on self-confidence as a quality that sometimes it's given a higher value than actual talent. Like Mrlonelyone, I think a lot of people have learned to underplay their talents/demonstrate modesty in order to be liked...and maybe underplay them to the point where the talents go unrecognised.
Disillusioned Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I don't judge people based on their education. Some of the smartest people I know never gradutated from college... and some of the most educated can be completely clueless about real life. Amen, brother. If that wasn't true, a lot of self-employed people would have to buy sex toys. That sounds like narcissism - which I tend to think is founded upon insecurity. Arrogance that develops as a defensive response against real or perceived rejection from others. A bright, talented child might go to a rough inner city school and be viewed as bottom of the social pile because he/she plays in the school orchestra and shows aptitude in class. Their talents don't place them at the top of the heap...they actually place them at the bottom, like the ugly duckling who was pecked at and chased by the hens and ducks for not fitting in. When he/she grows up and gains a bit of success in life, maybe they will adopt an elitist approach to people who have been less successful as revenge for how they were treated at school. Why not? Unfortunately there's so much emphasis on self-confidence as a quality that sometimes it's given a higher value than actual talent. Like Mrlonelyone, I think a lot of people have learned to underplay their talents/demonstrate modesty in order to be liked...and maybe underplay them to the point where the talents go unrecognised. Like Muhammad Ali said, "if you can do it, it ain't bragging"... but one person's self-confidence is another's arrogance. 'Nuff said.
trinity1 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I hope not, but I have met guys who find that side of me boring. Best thing is to find yourself a guy with brains, then you will have a lot to talk about.
Taramere Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Like Muhammad Ali said, "if you can do it, it ain't bragging"... but one person's self-confidence is another's arrogance. 'Nuff said. Most people aren't Muhammad Ali though....plus his job was direct one-on-one conflict for the entertainment of an audience. Aggressive confidence was part of the process of psyching out the opponent, and entertaining the public. In a more normal setting where playing to the gallery isn't part of the job description, I think people who lack confidence often lack confidence because the standard they set for themselves is so high. They don't regard anything short of that standard as an achievement that gives them bragging rights - and maybe in some cases they will give up because they've set an impossible standard for themselves/are terrified of failure. The next person might be confident about performing to a far lower standard. I generally have more confidence in people who seem to get results consistently, but display a modest approach. It's not because I value false modesty, but because I think people with talent, who lack awareness of just how good they are, will probably aim higher and work harder than the more boastful ones do. Those more quiet high achievers are the ones who I believe can have a very hard time in the public education system. Here in the UK, at least. They've got the brains to invite jealousy, but often lack the aggressive personality required to protect themselves effectively from that jealousy.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 All you need to do is be more aggressive in order to let him know that you are still interested despite him being 'less'. As I said earlier, generally men are intimidated by women who are better than them not because they dont like it, but its because they just assume they are not good enough and discount themselves. That hasn't worked for me. No man who is with me doubts that I love him, desire him, and think he's tops. If anything, in the past I probably could have stood to leave a little more mystery in the air, in that regard. If a man feels inferior in spite of me not having treated him as less than me, there's really not much I can do about that.
singlelife Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I covered this in my thread about two alpha types can't be together. An alha female is usually compatible with a beta male. She may be attracted to alpha males but she isn't the type of personality to keep them happy or attracted. So that's that. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with her or the men they just aren't meant for each other.
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