primer Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 One year ago I found an old flame on Facebook and decided to reignite the flame. At the time, I lived with my fiance and I told him I was not happy. Fiance told me to move out. I reunited with the old flame but that only lasted a few months. My heart was broken. I dated a few men since them but they did not work out. Now I want my old fiance back. He will have nothing to do with me. He told me he moved on with his life and I need to move on with mine. What should I do?
KYoung2200 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Move on. You chose someone else over him. Your mistake.
Ajax Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 He told me he moved on with his life and I need to move on with mine. What should I do? Move on with your life.
Author primer Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 But now I realize what a BIG mistake I made. Why won't he even listen to me?
chelle21689 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Show him that you're truly sorry and let him know. If he can't forgive you, give him some time and space. go to enotalone.com they have very good advice unlike this site
Author primer Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 He does have a new girlfriend. I don't think they can have the great relationship we had. She is a career woman and works long hours. I was always there for him.
Ajax Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 You weren't happy with him then and essentially dumped him for someone else. From his perspective, why should he trust you? You broke his heart, why should he give you another chance? How does he know the same thing won't happen again? And from your perspective, what makes you think you'll be happy with him this time around? What's changed about your life or your perspective?
Author primer Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 I have been in three relationships since dumping him a year ago. None of them worked. I realize what a good man my ex-fiance is.
Andymack Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I'm sorry but I don't think you're going to get much sympathy on this board with that story. You effectively left your fiance for an old boyfriend and when it didn't work out you decided that you did want him after all. It would be very hard for him to take you back after that as it would have been a massive blow to his ego and something that he can probably never forgive you for. I know you're hurting and you know you made a mistake, but everyone on here is and it's not something that they chose to go through, it's something that was forced on them and are having to cope with. Unfortunately you had the choice but now realise that you made the wrong one. Just out of interest did you finish with the old flame or the other way round.
Author primer Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 The old flame dumped me. I was not employed (going to college) and have three children. My ex-fiance let us live with him and helped us out financially. Now I see how hard that is to find. (We are currently living in a house my parents bought.)
Ajax Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I don't want to criticize you, as I'm sure you are hurting, but it just seems to me that you're concerned with what you feel and want and not so much your ex. You want what you want and you want it now regardless of what's going on in his life now or how he feels. I'm a fan of fables, and the one about the dog and the bone comes to mind. There was a dog with a bone, and while he was crossing a bridge he looked down into a stream and saw his reflection. He didn't realize it was his reflection and thought it was another dog with another bone, and decided he wanted it for himself. He dropped his own bone to try to grab the illusionary one. But because it was just a reflection, he couldn't get it, and lost his own bone in the process.
GreenPolicy Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 To agree with the others, you tossed out a good man from the sound of it because you thought the grass was greener on the other side. If you were engaged, then at that point you should not be looking at or considering other mates. Yes we still notice when other people are attractive and it's flattering if somebody shows interest, but that's as far as it should go. When you make that kind of commitment, you are expected to follow through on it. What was lacking in yourself or the relationship with your ex-fiance that you would be considering getting with other men?
Author primer Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 My ex-fiance was a workaholic. He worked seven days a week. I think I just needed more attention from him. (He told me he had to work to support us.) His new girlfriend isn't that cute.
GreenPolicy Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 My ex-fiance was a workaholic. He worked seven days a week. I think I just needed more attention from him. (He told me he had to work to support us.) His new girlfriend isn't that cute. Look, I know you're hurting and having lost the love of my life, I feel something similar. But you were unemployed with three kids and he was supporting you financially. I think maybe you lost sight of the forest for the trees.
Ajax Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 My ex-fiance was a workaholic. He worked seven days a week. I think I just needed more attention from him. (He told me he had to work to support us.) His new girlfriend isn't that cute. Like I mentioned, it seems to be all about you and what you want and feel. Do you have any idea what he wants and feels? Do you care?
Author primer Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 We were together five years. He must have some feeling for me.
stopthemadness Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 (edited) WOW! my ex did that to me. Started chatting with people on facebook. Then he needed space"a break" from me then he met smone and was going to date them. Will hes on like 3 people sence me..7 months ago. And guess what? he met them all on line. You get what you get..I was REAL. They are just people online. Most of the time those hookups dont ever last more then a few months. Because these people dont really know eachother its all just an idea. Am sorry that your hurting and that you got dumped. But you should have been 100% sure of what you wanted before leaving a good man. And now you just have to see it through. Did you REALLY think your ex would even think of leaving his new girl for you after what you did. I can only hope my ex trys to get bk lter on down the road(when his computer goes down) so i can have the last laugh.Person hes dating isnt cute either. Time will heal your pain and you will have learned a very hard lesson................ Edited February 9, 2011 by stopthemadness
fiat500 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 primer, you HAD him when he was going to marry you. why on EARTH did you leave him when your relationship hit a small bump?? you could have talked it through with him instead of running to your old flame. it was that simple. if you had talked to your ex fiance about your small problem, he would still be with you right now. you killed his feelings for you the moment you left him. hindsight hurts.
SimonSerenade Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 It's hard to know what to say to you here upon reading your story, You haven't exactly gone into great depth about your feelings towards him and the regret you feel having left him a year a go for somebody else. You can understand why he wouldn't be too willing to take you back, After all he's with somebody else now and seems to be happy enough despite how she "isn't that cute", He probably felt unappreciated due to him working long ass hours to support your children, I know I'd feel the same to be honest. The important thing now is that YOU MADE THE MISTAKE AND REGRET IT, If you truly want him back your going to have to make up for all the pain you caused and by the sounds of it you did him over good and proper, After all why should he care that your hurting now when you didn't exactly give a rat's ass when you left for somebody else?, I'm sure he was devastated. Your going to need to be persistent now and prove your willing to change and appreciate him, It won't be easy but love never is once you decide to leave it, If my ex was to come back after all she did, I'd need a heartfelt genuine apology for a start so that's where you should start then I'd need her to be around if I liked it or not, The only confidence I could get out of here in that situation was her willingness to never give up even if it took years to reconcile, If you feel you have it in you then go for it, Do all you can. However if you feel that's too much for you then walk away now, Wish him the best and hope and pray that he realises your what he wants, Don't hold your breath for it though.
Trimmer Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 (edited) He does have a new girlfriend. I don't think they can have the great relationship we had. He is with her, and not taking your calls, so we must conclude that he feels differently. I was not employed (going to college) and have three children. My ex-fiance let us live with him and helped us out financially. Now I see how hard that is to find. You know, the closest you've come to telling us any real details about the depth of your feelings for him is that now you realize how hard it is to find someone who will help you out financially? Is this what you think your mistake was - jumping off the gravy train? Your going to need to be persistent now and prove your willing to change and appreciate him.... I disagree. Remember that he is currently in a committed relationship, does not want "anything to do" with the OP, and has asked her to move on with her life. It would be disrespectful, in the face of this clearly communicated position, for her to continue to "be persistent" in trying to prove her worth to him. He is in a relationship now, and not interested in hearing from her. I think she should respect both his current relationship and his request to back off, and she should heed his advice to move on with her own life. Edited February 9, 2011 by Trimmer
SimonSerenade Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Don't mean she can't be his friend though, How else could she win him over but if he has asked her to back off and leave him be then yeah she should do so and move on with her life, One mistake made, Nothing gained in my books, I must of missed out the part where he asked her to back off but in fairness she didn't exactly put up a hell of a story, Just that she's poor as hell and has kids to feed and now nobody is there to provide all that, She misses it, Sounds a tad shallow but that's probably the case...
KYoung2200 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 (edited) Don't mean she can't be his friend though, How else could she win him over but if he has asked her to back off and leave him be then yeah she should do so and move on with her life, One mistake made, Nothing gained in my books, I must of missed out the part where he asked her to back off but in fairness she didn't exactly put up a hell of a story, Just that she's poor as hell and has kids to feed and now nobody is there to provide all that, She misses it, Sounds a tad shallow but that's probably the case... The idea here is that she has no right to win him back. It sounds like she wants to get into his deep pockets after making a horrible mistake. You don't just come back from something like this. He wants NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. Move on. Edited February 9, 2011 by KYoung2200
Trimmer Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 (edited) Don't mean she can't be his friend though, How else could she win him over.... Important context from the original post that informs my comments: He will have nothing to do with me. He told me he moved on with his life and I need to move on with mine. Not a lot of wiggle room here for the whole "being friends" thing, I don't think. Edited February 9, 2011 by Trimmer
wbr4p Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 im starving and cant think straight but.. this story is so bad that i think its a troll post. nevertheless, op pls move on, finish ur college thing, get a job, u can focus on that for a while. time will heal your wounds. if u need love, u have ur kids. look to them for that for a while.
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