Raphael Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Why is it when you are old and get dumped it hurts just as much as when you're 16. I mean shouldn't we have the maturity to handle it better? My lover of 25 years just dumped me. The reason? I took a nap and he was horny and I was unavailable. Then he called me by another woman's name and off we went. We are both in our early 60's (yes, old people do still have healthy, active sex lives). It's been three days with no word from him, and I'm still crying like a 16 year-old girl! I am very active, I am a professional dancer, have a wonderful family and 4 grandchildren. My life was not centered around only this man, but still, I am devastated. What do I do now?
Country_Girl Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Wow, he sounds selfish...and if he's willing to break up over a refusal for sex while calling you another woman's name- then I think he is having an affair. I know you're hurt, but if it helps, channel some of the pain into anger. He clearly has no regard for you if you are that disposable. I personally wouldn't speak to him again. Easier said than done, but do you really want someone like that in your life?
TaraMaiden Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I'm astounded you consider '60' old...I'm 54, and as far as I'm concerned, still at the 'spring chicken's stage! And my neighbour used to work in a retirement home. She and other members of staff would often find single (widowed) residents in each others' bedrooms, tucked up in bed together.... the youngest resident there was 79..... And just so's you understand - they weren't huddling together for warmth. Turn your focus elsewhere. Try to distract yourself with other activities, but don't whatever you do try to encourage, entice or try to get him back. From what I understand, when they realise you're actually ignoring their antics, they have a re-think and come back to see why you're not falling to pieces without them. I actually think, in the main and by and large, that ultimately, women are emotionally more resilient than men. This is not a hard and fast rule, but a generalisation. But I mention it, because it seems like an accurate one.
0hpenelope Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Turn your focus elsewhere. Try to distract yourself with other activities, but don't whatever you do try to encourage, entice or try to get him back. From what I understand, when they realise you're actually ignoring their antics, they have a re-think and come back to see why you're not falling to pieces without them. I actually think, in the main and by and large, that ultimately, women are emotionally more resilient than men. This is not a hard and fast rule, but a generalisation. But I mention it, because it seems like an accurate one. I agree with this. You already know how much I respect your input, TM. Raphael, you have dancing as an outlet. Please use it. This is your passion, channel everything into it - your grief, your heartaches. I'm sure you're doing so already, but I just wanted to lend support in this effort if you've been doing so. I'd love to see you perform if I could; the most inspired work come from those with inspiration to burn, be it love or grief or some other passionate feeling. I hope you feel better soon. With your family, recovery will happen much sooner than alone. I believe this and I hope you do, too.
Author Raphael Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 (edited) Thank you all for your kind support and words of encouragement. I just never expected this from him. For all these years he has always been kind, loving, considerate, generous and nurturing. I was very sick for a number of years and he took care of me almost like a mother. And I have taken care of him when he has gone through tough times and had to deal with the pain of losing his father to whom he was very close. We shared so much for so many years, even mutually deciding not to marry because we each valued our independence and individual freedoms so much. We respected and trusted each other absolutely. There were times during those years when we both strayed briefly, but always came back to each other because we had a level of intimacy that went far beyond emotional, sexual or physical. It was almost a supernatural intimacy, like we had known each other even in past lives (if you believe in that). After spending a wonderful week together, all of a sudden he changed into someone I don't know. I am afraid he is having some kind of breakdown, but don't know what to do about it. Anyway, I am staying busy and have shared what has happened with my daughter and son-in-law (he wants to kill this guy!), and shared it with two of the women I dance with. I have another 2 hour rehearsal tonight, so that will give me respite from having to think/feel about this whole mess. I have been a belly-dancer for over 35 years now, and we are rehearsal for a show on April 2. If any of you live in Southeastern Wisconsin, let me know if you are interested and I will secure tickets for you. We are a group of women of all shapes and sizes, and who range in age from 20-something to 80-something. We have a ball and usually perform gratis for non-profit organizations, senior centers, VA centers and community centers. Some of us also do private performances for parties, weddings, anniversaries, even Bar-Mitzvas! Have to go now to rehearse. Thank you again for your help and support. I will comment again later. Peace to you all. Edited February 8, 2011 by Raphael
depplover_1980 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 He may be having some mid 60's type crisis before he gets his pension. Give him tonnes of space and stay busy and think back to other times you were heartbroken and remember that you got better. If he comes back, have a good chat over it. I know you'll forgive him because of your history and sometimes people lose their way, afterall we are all human.
Author Raphael Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 Well, he called. All apologies, begging forgiveness, says he doesn't know what came over him, can't explain his behavior, blah, blah, blah. We talked for a good long time and I very explicitly told him I would not tolerate being treated like that, and that he's got a lot more apologies to make before I would be willing to see him again. We are only communicating by email right now, at my request. I just don't trust him enough right now to be face to face. Thanks again everyone for the help and support.
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