LittleJ Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 So I met this wonderful guy last year, who has slowly been charming me into dating. So far I'm very much into him. The only potential issue I'm having is if I can manage the severe medical condition that he has. Has anyone dated anyone with a serious medical condition that is pretty much lifelong? I'm not only scared about the responsibility of it, but also the financial burden of it in the chance that we get serious. Tips anyone?
Soxfaninfl Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 (edited) Is it a medical issue that will get worse? Edited February 8, 2011 by Soxfaninfl
TakeMeasIam Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 unless we can determine what the medical condition is, all responses will hypothetical and as such only a small percentage of any value to you. Providing you do not feel compromised or obligated to reveal it, is there any way you could consider being a little more specific?
Eeyore79 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 The key question is whether this medical condition will either cause you to become his carer in the long term, or cause him to die young. Neither situation is desirable.
Author LittleJ Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 Well, he has renal failure, meaning that his kidney's do not work. Every day he has to do dialysis multiple times a day. He is waiting on a kidney transplant, but that could take up to 5 years and his new kidney would still be expected to fail after a certain number of years, thus starting the process all over again.
Disillusioned Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Back when I was younger and dumber and looking, I always said up front that I wouldn't date women who are allergic to everything. Seems like a lot of people with German roots are allergic to cats. Damned if I know why.
Eeyore79 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Well, he has renal failure, meaning that his kidney's do not work. Every day he has to do dialysis multiple times a day. He is waiting on a kidney transplant, but that could take up to 5 years and his new kidney would still be expected to fail after a certain number of years, thus starting the process all over again. I have to admit I wouldn't date someone with such a medical condition, for several reasons: 1) While he's having dialysis (i.e. for up to five years) your life with him would be severely restricted. At the very least you wouldn't be able to get out much, and I don't know what sort of impact it would have on your sex life etc. 2) Transplant surgery is risky. You could fall in love with him and then he could die during the transplant. At the very least there would be a long recovery period during which he would need serious care. 3) Once he has a kidney transplant, he will have to take immune suppressants to avoid rejection. He's likely to be frequently ill because his immune system isn't functioning, as well as having possible side effects from medication. Again your life with him would be restricted, by his constant medication as well as his likely illnesses. 4) The required medication can have unattractive side effects; my friend had a heart transplant, and the immune suppressant medication that he needs made him swell up (not just weight gain but also actual swelling; the swollen "moon face" is common in people who take this medication). He also grew loads of warty lumps all over his skin (including on his face), has blood spots/pools under the skin, and has to avoid bright sunlight (so no sunshine holidays). 5) A transplant occasionally needs maintenance; my friend who had the heart transplant needs surgery to clear out his arteries every couple of years, which is a huge (and regular) risk. 6) As you said, a transplant isn't a cure. It lasts maybe 10-15 years (if you're lucky) and then you need another one, which carries all the risks and long recovery period of the first one. He could die in ten years and you would be a young widow (possibly widowed with children), so does this relationship really have a future? Of course, this is all very cold and logical, and much depends on your feelings for him and your current level of involvement. But my advice is to keep him as just a friend and avoid a relationship for the reasons mentioned above.
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