moimeme Posted March 24, 2004 Posted March 24, 2004 OK. We've established that I'm a dunce when it comes to the 'giving signals' business. Fair enough and I continue to welcome input on that. Second question involves seduction. I said it elsewhere, but basically I've always thought that trying to seduce someone is tantamount to trying to trap or trick someone by appealing to sex. I have nothing against sex whatsoever, but I think it's powerful stuff - almost like a drug. I wouldn't try to win a guy by drugging him; similarly I don't want someone's interest to be gained through desire. If a fellow likes the personality and the brain enough to take up with me, then he gets that other aspect in abundance but I want him to think I'm worth sticking around even when the hormone fog finally clears so I don't want to create that fog in case it confuses him. I realize this view is neither common nor likely even popular. I'd be interested in differing viewpoints (though if anybody else actually agrees with me, that'll be cool to know too). Also I'm interested in men's viewpoints on this. If a woman isn't being seductive or flirting, do you just then assume she's not interested at all? Do you want to be 'drugged' into being interested in someone? (this is mostly facetious)
brashgal Posted March 24, 2004 Posted March 24, 2004 I think that showing clear interest is important, although he likes your personality and brains, he's going to want to know that you will reciprocate (or that you are likely to reciprocate) if he makes a move. I think you can project that without being overtly flirty. Holding eye contact, touching him on the arm, leaning in, all that body language would help.
yes Posted March 24, 2004 Posted March 24, 2004 why not have both? a guy can be drugged physiologically AND like your mind, etc, can't he? so by being seductive, you're not losing, but adding that exciting component. you're not gonna sleep with him on the first date ... knowing you, you'll prolly wait at least three months - and that's plenty of time for him to say "screw this, lemme find a lady who can satisfy my hormones", if he doesn't like YOU as in your mind, personality, etc. bottom line: flirt, seduce, but make him wait long enough that he'd be gone if he wasn't interested in other aspects of you my 2c, -yes
CaterpillarGirl Posted March 24, 2004 Posted March 24, 2004 Totally in agreement with yes. After a significant amount of time if he's not dumping you for not putting out, then he's obviously with you for some other reason. Re: seductions Seductions only really work if BOTH parties are interested. You aren't fooling him, you instead are being blatant regarding your desire for him. Unless your seduction involves forcibly restraining him, or you haven't thought about the implications of sexual intercourse with each other, I don't see the harm.
Girlie Posted March 24, 2004 Posted March 24, 2004 In agreement with Yes, also. And really, if the guy likes you to begin with, as someone else said, you're not tricking him by seducing him. You're merely reacting to the fact that you want him and he wants you. Perhaps you're fulfilling one of his desires. Either way you're openly expressing that you want to be with him, which I think is a healthy thing.
Author moimeme Posted March 25, 2004 Author Posted March 25, 2004 Thanks for the opinions, folks. Seems I have an old, hoary attitude lying around which may need some dusting off and re-examining.
Dug Posted March 25, 2004 Posted March 25, 2004 Just my 2 cents worth on this ...... I would make 2 distinct categories in the mating ritual. I would say that "flirting" is used to perhaps get someone's attention. Seduction would be more in line with "getting down to physical business" once you've decided that something sexual is right. Also.....most men with a pulse will already have you mentally undressed by the time you say hello anyway, so you're not lkely to trick any of us into anything we haven't already fantasized about. Men can get aroused in a heartbeat, so it is important to reserve the actual seduction until you are sure you're ready, because men rarely if ever say "no, Im not ready for this".
Arabess Posted March 25, 2004 Posted March 25, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme If a woman isn't being seductive or flirting, do you just then assume she's not interested at all? Do you want to be 'drugged' into being interested in someone? (this is mostly facetious) I think if you are interested in a man it is prudent and wise to appeal to BOTH of his brains.
gaia Posted March 25, 2004 Posted March 25, 2004 I think if you are interested in a man it is prudent and wise to appeal to BOTH of his brains. Arabess, how do you think these up?
Author moimeme Posted March 26, 2004 Author Posted March 26, 2004 Who's the lucky guy, Moimeme? I've been reflecting on the past because of Arabess' thread on broken hearts and realized there was a common thread. And that I have NEVER tried to seduce anyone I wasn't already involved with; in fact I pretty much don't flirt with people I'm not involved with, either. Which, apparently, is pretty foolish
Arabess Posted March 26, 2004 Posted March 26, 2004 Yes Merry..... It's about as foolish and impossible as trying to cook a meal without heating up the oven! !
ladyangel Posted March 26, 2004 Posted March 26, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess It's impossible to cook a meal Merry without the oven on!!!!! Turn the heat up all the way to high.
Arabess Posted March 26, 2004 Posted March 26, 2004 WOW....how did you get that Lady??? I edited the post and you got the boo boo.
yes Posted March 26, 2004 Posted March 26, 2004 it's not IMPOSSIBLE... some people are very asexual, and their relationships, even romantic ones, don't travel south much. but unless u'r up for that, flirt right off the bat! i personally find it much harder to flirt w/ people i know well, than with strangers, so i might as well do lots while it's easy! -yes
Samson Posted March 26, 2004 Posted March 26, 2004 Also I'm interested in men's viewpoints on this. If a woman isn't being seductive or flirting, do you just then assume she's not interested at all? Do you want to be 'drugged' into being interested in someone? Well guys, I waited as long as I could hoping someone would have the cajones to step up to bat. Wonder where all the response is from men? Answer to question #1: No. We assume she is blind. Answer to #2: Depends. Would I remember anything after the drug wore off?
monkey00 Posted March 26, 2004 Posted March 26, 2004 I believe Seduction is a strong word...it's not that easy to define just flirting or showing interest in someone along with some eye contact i dont believe is seduction. as you know some ppl flirt for fun, and other flirt cause they're interested in you. i believe both opposites should show at least some signs of interest before it will work out. one person may be interested in you but not get near you until you show signs first. think of this: whats the point in you showing interest when the person is probably not interested in you? that's what many of us believe. seduction is more about sexual desires, lust and other stuff. i think many of us understand what seduction is, but there is no real explanaition to it
Author moimeme Posted March 26, 2004 Author Posted March 26, 2004 whats the point in you showing interest when the person is probably not interested in you? that's what many of us believe. Yes, but if both people think that, well, actually it's almost funny but also what a waste!! Which, I realize, I should have realized long since.
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