amythan Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Hi, I am wondering why people cannot be just fair and upfront. Me and this guy have been talking and finally decided that we should just be friends. We have been kind of dating during several months. He made a big deal about this, with all the usual blah blah "I care so much about you, i am your friend .." I consider him my my friend and after a bit of thought I realized that I am not interested in him romantically. But I like him as a friend. I have some job interviews in Paris so I will be there for two days. I told him and if he had time we can grab a coffee. NOTE that I said coffee, no drinks or dinner, just to set up this new friendship interaction. He said of course I invite you just tell me exactly when you are around and we organize. So today the conversation was: Me: Blah blah if the invite still stands let me know. See you around. He: Do not worry, you are the best one. Fancy a drink or coffee on thursday ? Me: I have interviews all day long, last one at 5pm but if you can make it after, it works for me. He: Sure, tell me at what time you think you will be done and we will arrange. Me: I guess at 18:30 i am done so we can say around 19h He: Who they are? Me: blah blah where do you want to meet ? NO RESPONSE. WTF ???? Was it difficult to say, sorry i have already other plans but see you next time ? Even if I am not interested, it is not very respectful and kind of mean. It is a pity because I thought we could be friends. What do you think ?
january2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 (edited) Are you upset that he's not responded (yet)? If yes, give him time. He could be in the middle of something. From the information in your OP, to be honest, it's not worth getting upset over. Edited February 8, 2011 by january2011
Cee Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 My first thought was that maybe he didn't hear the question on the phone or Skype. Then I realized this interaction is on Instant Message or text. If you haven't met, then I suggest you bring your interaction to the Skype level so that you know if he's reliable enough to meet you in Paris for coffee. IM is a terrible way to arrange a first meeting, in my opinion.
lexaton Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 He is an idiot. This happened to me 2 weeks ago. Pretty much same thing. Asks me to hang out over and over and when I finally give in he is mia. Don't say anything. Do something else. If he gets back to u then go with the flow and don't act like u were waiting around for him. Either way he will eventually say something to u. Whether it's today or 2 weeks from now.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Amy, you have posted again and again with extremely similar if not identical scenarios involving this guy. I think it all speaks for itself - this is who he is, and this is how you can depend upon him to behave. Your relationship so far has caused you pain and you've been jerked around quite a lot in it. Why are you volunteering for more of the same? Last time you posted about this, I suggested going full NC with him. What do you think about that advice?
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 So, I just took a browse through your past threads. Are all these incidents involving men who are: Work associates of some kind Requiring exotic international travel to consummate FWB in nature Involved with someone else with the same guy? Or is this a chain of almost identical situations?
Author amythan Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 I really appreciate your advise and do not think I disregard it by any mean. I went NC with him but it is more complicated than that. He contacted me and we met. He come visiting me and I explained everything I thought. This is the reason we decided to just be friends. He was so insisting about the fact of he is my friend and honestly I wanted to believe he was serious about it. Possibly my mistake again. I do NOT want to have a relationship with him. But I appreciate the times where we could talk and support each other. Now I realize that maybe this is what he is and probably we could not even be friends, which is unpleasant because we have friends in common. I also think that it is very difficult to establish new rules. If this was done by one of my real friends I just ask again because I know they want to see me. Here I just do not want to be nagging. So maybe it is another sign of we are not friends. Anyway I do not understand what he wins doing that. Many times I questioned my behaviour but now I come to the conclusion that it is not me who is wrong here. Actually I was pretty cool. Too much maybe.
Author amythan Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 Now you point this out, I see the pattern. There are two different guys. In my defense I have to say that i travel extensively due to my work and I do not know many people here and I do many things with people I meet at work. I guess it is normal in our expat environment .. I see these situations around me all the time. I am trying to move to other town where I lived before and I have friends so I can have a more balanced life. Hope it works
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