Leviia Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 So I've been reading and reading and reading ... trying to get over a past "love" and in my readings I came across this circular dating theory. I also brought it up to my IC and she thought that it was a "sort of" good idea. Basically it's like you date several people at once. At least 3 at a time or more. Now at first I was like "OMG that's totally disrespectful and kinda slutty...." but as i read more it's not SLEEPING with 3 or more people .... It's just dating several different guys at once BUT being honest with them. I sort of believe in this and sort of not. After getting my heart broken (like cracked and shattered and my entire chest feels like it's being crushed type of broken) I decided to detach and to not let anyone make me feel like that again. But at the same time I'm so tired of being alone. I mean hey it has it's benefits but sitting home alone on a Friday night instead of going to see a movie or something. So anyway I don't believe in the whole boyfriend, girlfriend titles.... #1 I'm 34 I don't WANT a boyfriend. Not in the title sense anyway. I'm also tired of investing time in someone only to find out they just weren't that interested. But I'm also tired of being alone and would like to meet someone. Now while this circular dating theory sounds interesting ... I don't like the whole dating several guys at once part. But I also don't want to just jump into some relationship with someone and invest so much time into it to have it fail. So anyway on a side note... I noticed the "colder" I am with guys AND more open I am about things.... the more I get asked out on dates. THIS has never happened to me before in my life. And although I am flattered by all the attention .. it makes me slightly uncomfortable too. I'm not an attention whore... but I would like someone I am interested in paying attention to me. OMG I am so confused..... dating sucks... I hate the games, the pretending to be someone you aren't to get someone's attention JUST so you can get a date to begin with .... I hate the lies.... And the guy who broke my heart (whom I previously promised we'd always be friends no matter what) still wants to be friends but I don;t really know if I can or want to now. It just hurts too damn bad. *sigh*
ZachNormand Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Well, just don't consider it as dating. Say to yourself that you are only going out to meet someone somewhere, chit chat a bit, eat or drink something and get back home. And then, if you liked that person's character, you may meet him again and considering getting serious with him... and so on. Summary: Trick your brain into doing things that you don't feel like doing by seeing it from another angle
SmileFace Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Don't you mean multi-dating? No,circular dating. You know, when you date multiple people at the same time in the hopes of finding the one. You know , circular dating. It is not the same .
Nexus One Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 No,circular dating. You know, when you date multiple people at the same time in the hopes of finding the one. You know , circular dating. It is not the same . You mean going on the same date with several people? For example 1 woman and 3 guys?
SmileFace Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 You mean going on the same date with several people? For example 1 woman and 3 guys? Yes, duh! It will be like that show where one woman sat on one side of the wall and three guys sat on the other. And I will host it . I will ask questions like. "Guy number 1 , if woman was an icecream how would you eat her?" That is what the OP meant ,right? Wait that can't be right, must be seperate dates. :lmao:
Nexus One Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 3 guys, 1 girl. Sounds like a lot of work.....for her.
Author Leviia Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 3 guys, 1 girl. Sounds like a lot of work.....for her. I know right? SOME of the points they made about this "Circular Dating" theory I agree with but others.... I don't I just didn't know if anyone else had heard about it lol. I'm pretty sure I can't "date" more than one man .... but going to catch some movie or bowling or what not with a group of people? That I really don't consider dating unless it's going as a "couples" kinda theme. Man there is so much crap out there about dating. About how to play it cool, or how to keep him interested or .. or ...or... or ... or .... my head's spinning
carhill Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 How about just accepting dates from different men and seeing where it goes, or, for something different, approaching men you find interesting or attractive and seeing where that goes? Since you're in no condition for a LTR right now, casual dating with a number of potentials might be the perfect ticket to rediscovering diversity and letting go of past feelings. By being proactive, this might target a similar subset of men who are likewise casually dating, so little chances of emotional entanglement.
radiodarcy Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 i can't even find one guy to date - - let alone 3 *sigh*
paleblue Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 i don’t know about the circular dating thing, all I know is dating sucks no matter how you go about it. tho I will comment on the friends with the ex thing. I find it to be ridiculous. I also have tried that route, seeing as how I work with mine. nope, it never makes me feel good. and now I just don’t think I want too at all. I may be more open to the idea of talking in the future if we both happen to be single. but that’s it. as far as friends go if we are dating someone, nope. id rather just walk away. these days I just walk by and don’t look even if she is making noise. I am not trying to be mean, I am just am not willing to accept less. I just feel like sh** about myself every time I try to accept less. that’s what it has boiled down too, for me at least. can’ make everyone happy, so I might as well try to at least make myself happy!
USMCHokie Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I tried multi-dating once in my life... Never again...
Cee Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I tried multi-dating once in my life... Never again... +11111111 Multi-dating is wasteful like using three tissues for one sneeze. Dating isn't a comparison game like choosing the freshest melon. Nor is it a good way to preserve yourself from emotional risk by dividing your attention. Instead, multi-dating is a numbing and confusing process. You'll have three birds in your bush and none in your hand. Oh gawd, I went on metaphor overload. Sorry. But I hope you get what I'm saying.
USMCHokie Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 +11111111 Multi-dating is wasteful like using three tissues for one sneeze. Dating isn't a comparison game like choosing the freshest melon. Nor is it a good way to preserve yourself from emotional risk by dividing your attention. Instead, multi-dating is a numbing and confusing process. You'll have three birds in your bush and none in your hand. Yep. I genuinely liked them all and spent more time trying to find reasons to end things than looking for the good things about them. And it's even worse if you pick wrong...or if you pick her and she end things with you because she's multi-dating herself...
Author Leviia Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 Yeah I don't even know if I am ready to start dating yet. I still have some residual crappy feelings leftover and I don't want to carry that over into any relationship. Maybe instead of dating I just find a movie buddy or something. I'm not really into sex with someone else either as I sort of equate that with love and feelings towards someone. I'm a bit old fashioned in that respect. And as for being friends with an ex love .... that's the problem I promised before anything happened between us that we'd be friends no matter what .... I don't want to lie but I also keep getting the hurt feelings back every damn time he sends me a text or calls ...... I told him how I feel about this. I would LOVE to be able to stay friends but I just can't seem to let go of the pain long enough to numb myself. Me thinketh he's stringing me along in a way so he doesn't lose me but ... I am just not sure what to do on that part. I'm a girl of my word, when I give it I don't give it lightly.
Anela Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I've read a blog by a woman who recommends it, but I haven't tried it (yet). I do see the value in it, as long as you're having fun - I understand the point of it is that it will make you feel good about yourself (apparently), and help you to remain detached until the right person and relationship come along. The woman I know of, who recommends it, started to do more things without her boyfriend, after he'd failed to ask her to marry him by a certain date (something they had already talked about) - she didn't yell or break up with him, just made it clear that he wasn't going to have her all to himself, that she wasn't going to be stuck in the girlfriend trap, and just keep her around. He ended up proposing not long afterwards... It's all about maintaining your independence and not being needy. No sex, if you don't want it - just having fun spending time with the opposite sex. I can imagine it might feel demoralizing, though, after a while, if you're meeting all of these men, and you start to want more with someone, but still aren't meeting anyone who really clicks with you. (ugh, sorry for rambling. I'm in a weird mood.)
phineas Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I tried multi-dating once in my life... Never again... It seems to me, every woman I meet is doing it. Or I am the worst kisser ever because as soon as it reaches the kissing point they start flaking on me & get scarce.
fishtaco Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Multi dating is very common. Some people do it, some people don't. I think one of the misconception is due to the fact that people put different meanings to "dating". When you are multi dating, it's very casual. Basically, you are at the stage where "Yes, I would get naked with this person, but I'm waiting to find out more first". Yes, some prudish people would be OMG! You would get naked with the person?!?! Well, the fact is, if you can't see yourself having sex with that person, you should just be platonic friends, period. The starting point of any romance is that the possibility of physical intimacy has to be there. If you say.. well maybe not at first, maybe it could develop later. Then first I call BS. Then I say, even if that were true, then you should be platonic friends first. Wait until you feel possibility of physical intimacy, THEN go for romance. Non multi dater probably prefer to have this "wait-and-see" interaction happen in a non date setting. Maybe at school, maybe at work, maybe at the tennis club. And often they would meet multiple people, consider multiple people cute... etc, until one of them stands out, THEN they go on a first date. Well, that's essentially multi dating, except multi daters jump right in and are fine with having the "wait-and-see" interaction happen in a dating setting. It doesn't mean sex, it doesn't mean anything, except you are on a date as opposed to playing tennis, while you wait-and-see if the other person is compatible with you enough to make it to the next step. This really takes out some of the the guessing and game playing people do. Oh there will always be guessing and game playing. But this eliminates the wiggle room during "sort of interested but let's play tennis first" stage, where people can play the ambiguous game. Jump right into dating announces your intentions. Yes, people play games anyway, but this eliminates one stage. So people that think "dating" is serious, will go OMG! I can't do that!!! People that think "dating" is casual, will go, what's the big deal? I would say, neither view is wrong, stick to what works for you. And whether people multi date or not do not indicate their goals. A non multi dater could be just playing around, except one at a time. A multi dater could be searching for an LTR. It's just an approach that some people may choose to employ. That's how I see it anyway.
phineas Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 So basically as a man I should just go for the sex & see what she says? LOL!
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