darran Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Ok so i was talking to one of my girl friends (friend who is a girl) and while yacking away she was asking about me and my ex. How we are etc. I told her its nuts, we always keep contacting each other and as soon as things get a bit warm SHE overreacts and starts saying all manner of things, sometimes even shouts! But after a a day or two passes she would contact me. Anyway, my friend is married with kids and said something to me. By the way, she knows mine and my ex's relationship and me and my ex. Anyway, she said "Darran, ****** clearly still has a LOT of feelings for you and she is doing ott stuff in order to force HERSELF to not feel these emotions! Its as clear as day she still REALLY loves you." Now I was thinking about this... well it does explain a lot about her being very angry with me over stuff that happened a long time ago and VERY pissed off with me over me asking very nuetral things. She has dumped her rebound and she STILL has me in her life whether I contact her or she contacts me. She is not with me now.... why? Well because I have always been bloody here!!!!!!!!!! I was thinking of all these things and then I realised. I think my ex girlfriend is having a very hard time getting over me just as much as I am getting over her. So I asked my friend what I should do. "Darran, leave her alone for a while.... maybe till her b-day (april 23rd) and see what happens. But you have to not speak with her at all because you both have not given either of yourselves a moment to breath and 'think' about what you both want" I agreed with her this makes sense. Then she said... "***** LOVED YOU so much and was prepared to do anything for you, I know for a fact ***** has strong feelings for you or she would just not care about you in the slightest. You hurt her though, and I know what you did to hurt her so if I was you I would do nothing and let her be for a while. I really believe you and ***** will work it out but you both have to stop talking for a while." I really don't want to hang on to false hope... BUT!!!! I know she is saying things to hurt me and how she says it and what she actually does is just a bit over the top... too much ya know... just a tad bit exaggerated and "put on" if you want my honest opinion. There is no need to shout anything, right? I mean I am pretty much the same guy as i have always been. I was never a typical nice guy who was dumped for smothering, I was just a class A dick with her when we were together. I KNOW THAT and haven't been like that for ages! I am just "bang on" down the line with her now and that PISSES her off for some reason. And because of that she is acting as if she HATES my guts!!! But STILL has me in her life???? WTF??? So yea... I am gonna ride this NC out (not no contact to heal, just to let us both bloody breath) till her b-day and see what actually happens between now and then. My friend told me she will contact well before her b-day but to just be blunt with her, not nasty but just straight to the point and spend no time talking.
depplover_1980 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I'm not sure which one of you is doing the overreacting here?!
Author darran Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 lol... I was venting more has to come out!!!! dont you be starting on me too!!!
Saphira Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 IDK. what was it exactly that you did to hurt her? and she is right. you cant truly move on or know what you want if the person is still right there in your life. hopefully the time apart will help to clear everything up.
Author darran Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 (edited) Saphira, I know this may cause every girl here to dislike me but I did a couple of things to hurt her. There are reasons why a lot of the negative stuff happened. I wont lie, it had a lot to do with partying and drugs. I have been doing the gym now for 2 months (there and abouts. Stopped ALL drugs after my trip to Ibiza - this was the end of our rel so to speak) 1) I ended it the day before Valentines Day last year.... lasted one week and we got back together. 2) I used to punch guys if they even looked at me incorrectly or were cheeky to me or HER instead of walking away. She never liked that. 3) I never showed her the right attention when her brother was diagnosed with an illness. BIG MISTAKE - I didn't even realise I wasn't. I just took everything for granted. 4) If a girl hit on me in a nightclub I'd talk away with them... I NEVER cheated on her but I should have made it clear I wasn't interested. 5) I spent the night in a hotel with my friend who is a girl (this sounds more than what it is). The sole reason for this was so I could get an all night bar so I booked in and my mate came with me and I called her from the hotel to tell her. Stupid if you ask me. 6) I went to Ibiza with my mates and got hammered the entire time I was there and had photos of me off my face with girls around me that she saw on facebook. Bare in mind I called her every day TWICE a day for chats that often lasted 1 hour or more. Again I actually did nothing with no one while I was away. 7) When I came back I had two jobs, I was seriously stressed with work and having spent 2 weeks in Ibiza my head was royally up my ass. I asked if she could, just for a couple months till I finished one of the jobs and was back on one job, move back to her place. Stupid again.... she did. Then she said ENOUGH. you are nuts I love you to death but I cant take it anymore. Yea I sound like a class A pr**k!!!!! But I was always good to her. It was definitely substance abuse and our lifestyle that caused these episodes of stupidity. I mean, our relationship had it's moments but we definitely got along really well and when it was good it was GOOD. It was just broken up with these stupid mistakes. man when I read back on the **** I did I suppose I really did screw up. I lost a very good girl. She is wonderful and she has met me (in my place) since but just said that these changes have came too late. Why couldn't I have made them when it mattered. I couldn't say much. After she told me that, she dumped her rebound and told me to leave her alone for a while. That lasted a few days and we ended up talking again. I suppose I am an idiot for not listening when I should have. Edited February 8, 2011 by darran
depplover_1980 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Darran congratulations on cleaning your act up, let me tell you it is the beginning of a new life - one you won't regret if you stay on the straight and ignore the initial boredom that comes. You need to keep moving forwards for yourself, if by the summer there is love for her still then approach her again. But for now stop the contact and focus on getting right. Long term you will be strong and so better off for it.
Author darran Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 cheers depp! yea... I don't regret quiting the nonsense at all. I feel a **** load better now. You sound like you're talking from experience lol. drugs and alcohol just aint for me anymore. by the way, where is robin hoods den?
depplover_1980 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Yes, I have been clean and sober 8 months next week! I have messed up anything good I've ever had through out of control behaviour and now I love the feeling of being alert and dignified!! Still got frickin dumped by a commitment phobe man with issues the other week, but still at least I know it wasn't my doing! I live in Nottingham, the land of Robin Hood.
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