lonely79 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Need some advice... I cant decide whether to send my SO something for valentine's day or not...on the one hand, I dont want to because Ive sent him a christmas gift, and another nice card/letter about a month or so later, and he hasnt reciprocated at all (other than paying for meals, movies, etc) he hasn't taken the time to show me that he's thinking of me like that. It is most probably just the way he is, so I shouldnt let it bug me, but it still does. I dont want to seem like the giver all the time. I dont want him to think Im desperate or whatever. and this might be dumb but i also dont want him to think that he can just keep taking and not give anything back. I dont need THINGS, I just dont want to feel like the only one making any effort. I guess I just dont want to feel dumb yet again after having sent him something with nothing in return. also ive always thought valentines day is for girls. guys dont want flowers and chocolates, and everything is pink. would he really want something pink with hearts? haha BUT on the other hand, i really really want to send him something because i love to give gifts and i like him to know that I care. I bought brownie mix (it has little valentines day sprinkles haha) and some valentines day candy and a card to send him. I want to, giving gifts and being thoughtful in that way is just who I am. If he doesn't like it or whatever, I still have to be me, right? what do you think?
aerogurl87 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I've learned to never give with the thought that you're gonna receive something back, in mind. If you want to give him something, go ahead, but don't expect him to do the same in giving you something. And most guys don't like hearts and flowers, but you can give him a cd or something with a card. For an early V-Day present I made my boyfriend a gift basket with all his favourite snacks, a cd, video game, and card in it. Then I put it on the bed in the hotel he was in (he came to visit me) and put those flameless tealights and feathers around it. It was romantic, but still manly. And if he hadn't come here I would've just sent him the game, cd, and a card in the mail. But those are just my ideas.
folieadeux Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I agree with Aero; definitely don't give to expect anything in return. You seem like a very thoughtful person by nature and you should never change that. The brownie mix idea sounds adorable and if he doesn't like it I'll personally kick his ass. In all seriousness, was there ever a discussion about gifts? Maybe he's just waiting to give you yours in person (I forget when your next visit is). I got my boyfriend a card, shirt, and a gift card to his favorite game store. We initially agreed to exchange in person, but he didn't stick to his end of the bargain. He told me he's mailing me something and had to tell me to make sure I'd be home for the delivery...I'll let you know how that goes.
Author lonely79 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 we've never talked about gifts, at all. And we've also never talked about valentines day at all. so there's no expectation set. the only expectation i have is that Ill send a gift and he wont! haha. its really ok, i just dont like feeling/acting like a fool for love when he doesnt, it makes me feel dumb. anyway, our next visit is tentatively planned for march 4th/5th, so i know he's not waiting to give me something then or whatever. i honestly believe it hasnt even crossed his mind to give me something.
LittleTiger Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 lonely, you should do what makes you feel happy. Never mind what he does. Be true to yourself. If it bothers you that he doesn't reciprocate, that's a whole other issue.
Author lonely79 Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 lonely, you should do what makes you feel happy. Never mind what he does. Be true to yourself. If it bothers you that he doesn't reciprocate, that's a whole other issue. you're right, LT, and its something im going to have to think about. I know its just how he is..not a planner, not really one to plan out some cute thing to mail to me...thats just how he is. so i have to figure out how important it is to me. When we are together he is amazing, super affectionate and everything is over-the-top wonderful. when we're apart he never fails to message me, text me, call me, skype date with me... anyway i decided to go ahead and mail the brownies (which I used a cookie cutter to make into heart shapes aww), some candy, a card, and some silly fun "toys" I found at the store that might make him anxious for our next visit hehehe. I love giving gifts, and I am not going to change that! thanks for the advice, i LOVE this forum!
sammyd Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Haha! Good on you! That's sooooo cuuuttteee:D:D:D
folieadeux Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Glad you decided to give it a go; I'm sure he'll love everything...especially the toys.
Author lonely79 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 I just wanted to update in case you all are following.....i sent him his gift but he hasnt received it yet (grrrr it was supposed to be there Saturday and now its monday!!!! he doesnt know its coming and I'm contemplating at least telling him so he doesnt think i just didnt send anything for vday!), BUT BUT BUT I got a sweet card from him in the mail today for vday!!!! i was sooooo happy and surprised because i honestly didnt think he would EVER do that. he's just not the type! i didnt hint OR tell him i was sending him anything, so he thought of it all on his own! Im soo happy today!:love:
folieadeux Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Sooooo happy for you!!! I think it's safe to give him a head's up about the delivery just to make sure he's home to sign for it. Deliveries are all screwed up today; I'm still waiting on my boyfriend's package too.
creighton0123 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 It seems like you're overthinking this a bit too much. Hell, even if you went through the effort for 12 hours of knitting an awesome scarf and he didn't reciprocate, isn't the joy in him finding use for it and liking the gift? Give a gift or don't... Some part of me finds it odd that people place so much worth in a relationship over what's given and/or received during the commercialized gift-giving holidays... Hell, I tried to get some shower supplies at CVS on my way home. The line of men with last-minute corny gifts was about 40 people long... I knew each of them would be in trouble if they didn't get something for their SO... and I wondered to myself "Why?" Can someone explain it to me?
Author lonely79 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 It seems like you're overthinking this a bit too much. Hell, even if you went through the effort for 12 hours of knitting an awesome scarf and he didn't reciprocate, isn't the joy in him finding use for it and liking the gift? Give a gift or don't... Some part of me finds it odd that people place so much worth in a relationship over what's given and/or received during the commercialized gift-giving holidays... Hell, I tried to get some shower supplies at CVS on my way home. The line of men with last-minute corny gifts was about 40 people long... I knew each of them would be in trouble if they didn't get something for their SO... and I wondered to myself "Why?" Can someone explain it to me? i just want to feel like he's thinking about me, too. thats all! valentines day is a REAL holiday with some very interesting romantic roots, and its just a day that youre supposed to show your love and care for those around you, to make them feel special. i wanted him to feel special, so i sent the gift. and he obviously wanted me to feel special too since he went out of his normal comfort zone and sent me a card. its really the thought that counts, sounds lame but its true.
LittleTiger Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 i just want to feel like he's thinking about me, too. thats all! valentines day is a REAL holiday with some very interesting romantic roots, and its just a day that youre supposed to show your love and care for those around you, to make them feel special. i wanted him to feel special, so i sent the gift. and he obviously wanted me to feel special too since he went out of his normal comfort zone and sent me a card. its really the thought that counts, sounds lame but its true. As I said before lonely, be true to yourself. You did and you're happy and your bf sent you a card so you're happier still. Whatever, works for you is just fine. Personally, I agree with Creighton's view about commercial days. My exH used to buy me cards at the very last minute from the garage around the corner where he worked - not much thought involved in that! My kiwi man and I don't 'do' V-day because we show each other how much we care throughout the year. Each to their own though.
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