4LOVE Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 So its been about a year and a half since my ex boyfriend and I ended. We went a year without him ever saying anything to me. During this whole time I have often missed him. More so than I should have. One day he wrote to me and a few months later we met. He said sorry for all the things he did to me. Sorry he didn't man up. Sorry he wasn't there for me the way I needed him. And sorry for the way he constantly made me feel which was that he didnt want me. There has to be something on this planet that can help me let him go. I heard what I wanted to hear when we met. Yet for some reason I'm crying now more than I ever did to begin with. There is a big part of my heart that just can't let him go and I don't understand why. We talked about perhaps moving towards a friendship someday. I don't think ill be able to. I'm not sure I can ever have just friends feelings towards him. Help.
CCfooty Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 "He said sorry for all the things he did to me. Sorry he didn't man up. Sorry he wasn't there for me the way I needed him. And sorry for the way he constantly made me feel which was that he didnt want me." Personally, I understand apologies but that last bit I don't understand. About wanting you/how it made you feel. I find it unnecessary to add, even if it really is how he felt. That sort of thing would get to me, because i'd read into it... Did he say it's over for good? That he wants nothing but friendship with you ever again? Those are the kind of things that I personally need to hear from a relationship. I need to hear them say they don't see it ever working again, for me to move on (at least, those whom i've deeply fallen for... which is but 1 person). If you want to move on, maybe you need that too and maybe you need to ask him straight up. Not sure what answer you'll get. I asked straight up and could never get an answer... just maybe's, I don't know's, etc... As you may have guessed, I haven't moved on at all either. Good luck...
0hpenelope Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 We talked about perhaps moving towards a friendship someday. I don't think ill be able to. I'm not sure I can ever have just friends feelings towards him. That's okay, too. Feeling this way is okay. Even if he's expecting that you would feel okay to be friends someday, it's okay if you change your mind. You thought he would be with you forever, but he changed his mind about your relationship - why should you be different about a friendship that you don't want? He changed his mind and so can you. No need to tell him that you had a change of heart about being friends. You do not have an obligation to him any longer the moment he walked out on you. Grieve. Let all of that sadness out, but don't cry for too long and don't linger too long in that loss. And why do you think that you missed him more than you should have? Who gets to decide how much anyone should miss anybody? Don't be disappointed about missing him in those months before you met up with him this year. Keep moving forward. You will get through this. Just a temporary setback, that's all.
Author 4LOVE Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 "He said sorry for all the things he did to me. Sorry he didn't man up. Sorry he wasn't there for me the way I needed him. And sorry for the way he constantly made me feel which was that he didnt want me. Sorry, I should clarify that. I told him that he pushed me away because I always felt that he didn't want me. he said he was sorry that he made me feel that way and that he really did care. It was an awkward conversation because I don't think either of us knew what to say. It was a mix of I'm so sorry, I still care about you.. to "it was ****ed up from the start and I don't want to have another girlfriend for a long time"... In a sense I think he was shocked at how much I've grown up. I'm into my career, live on my own, am in grad school and cut alcohol out of my life. He pushed me away. He doesn't know how to be intimate or considerate. Two stubborn people that are selfish... don't work well together. Yet there is this deep level of burning that won't stop.
Author 4LOVE Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 Oh yes, I dumped him. And went on for months thinking I had royally messed him up because he didn't contact me at all. Turns out he wanted out too. He didn't want to hurt me so he pulled back even more so I would leave him. That's pretty much what I got from our meeting. Something about how he just wasn't feeling good about himself and our relationship and felt that it was all on him to fix it. Bleh. He did mention he wished we would have gotten counseling. See? This talk was all over the place. He couldn't make himself clear. Probably just confused as hell... like me.
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