billy_w72 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I'm not sure if this is the correct forum or not since it covers so much, but I'm hoping someone can help because I don't know where I'm going or where I'm at. To start off I'm married and have for 9 years. When we were first together and for the first several years everything was great. I couldn't imagine myself without my wife. During that time we had kids and one is special needs. Because of this and some other things my wife started going into deep bits of depression and worse at times. Starting a couple years ago she got into a bit where she had hit a very low point and couldn't or decided to not do anything but sleep. All day long and all night in the bedroom and didn't want to come out. She is a stay at home mom so work didn't suffer except for around the house chores and bills. I took on the role of full time everything. I worked a normal schedule and then did everything once I was home. During this time she became very argumentative with everyone. This is a very brief version so I won't include her having fits of rage that included throwing things at me and my step kid. I stuck it out as long as I could hoping she would turn around and it never happened. About a year ago I started seeing a woman I work with. It was very casual and only friend based at first but after a couple months it grew into more. I began talking/texting her as much as I could. Every chance I got I tried to see her. During all this she was exactly what I needed emotionally and physically. I feel like I'm leaving out so much because I could go on for days about the entire situation. I ended up leaving the house a couple times and during those times I was staying at a friends house till I could afford a place of my own. Most of those times were spent at the other girls house. I would eventually move back in for different reasons, money, confusion, self doubt regarding my family, etc. I found myself falling completely in love with her and everything she did. I've told people that I've dated girls as pretty as her in the distant past, but never anyone as beautiful in every way. She waited for me and waited for me to leave for good and I still haven't, I guess hoping my wife would get better, but I never thought I would fall for the other woman. My wife hit a turning point a few weeks back in a good and a bad way. She tried to kill herself. She wasn't successful so she was locked away a few days. This put me into a depression of my own. During this time I didn't talk to the other woman much at all. The good part about it was that my wife seems to have taken it as a wake up call. She seems to slowly be getting better and pushing herself to be herself again. My problem is 2 parts. During this several year depression/whatever it was that my wife was going thru I'm afraid that I've fallen out of love with her. I'm not sure and I'm trying to work thru things with her so we can remain a family, but I simply do not feel the same way I once did for her. 2 weeks ago the other woman broke it off completely from me. She said we could remain friends but she did not want to wait any longer for me. She had said that if I got out of this relationship that she would still go out with me if she was single. This has changed and she has now said that we would never work out and we have no chance no matter what. This has shattered me. I've not been able to go to work in several days just because of my own depression. I'm reasonably sure she has already started seeing someone and I could see them texting back and forth. When that happened and her seemingly being happy with other coworkers and smiling during her texts I couldn't take it. I had to leave work I was so tore up. All I do is think about this woman. I've asked her to reconsider and I know it's not fair because I've kept her on the line for so long, but she won't, at least not now. She won't leave my head and I'm having trouble doing things at all because I'm constantly reminded of things about her. I keep thinking of someone else's hands on her or someone elses lips kissing her. I think about all the incredibly good times we had and how she treated me like a king and would and did do anything for me. She was one that I could see having a life long relationship with. I may be overthinking this situation with her but I can't stop thinking about it at all. She has become an infection in my mind. She was like a drug before and still is because all I want is to talk to her, to hold her, to just be in her presence. Since then I've started drinking nearly every night. When I was single I drank socially nearly every night but havent drank heavily in years. I had drinks with a friend the other night and he reminded me to watch my drinking. That this drinking was different than when I was single because then I wasn't drinking to forget. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should stay in a potentially loveless marriage for the sake of my kids and hope that I start to love my wife again, or if I should call it quits and start over, also giving one final shot at the other woman. I have a plan mapped out in my head for one last shot and that if that didn't work at getting her again then I would forget it and be done. I could only hope that my professing my complete love for her would change her mind. SOOOO, what to do? I've just read over this again and I've left out so much that's happened, but this is a good generalization. I'm completely heart broken. I always knew that after I started with another woman I would be heart broken from leaving one of them, but now I felt like karma has delt me a blow that I'm going to be heart broken from both now.
WindyCityGirl Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Because there are mental health issues involved I would strongly encourage you to get therapy. Depression is the root of some many problems and can be quite debilitating as in the case of your wife. You need to heal and take care of yourself before you can attempt to make anyone happy. The constant thoughts, excessive drinking, and feeling down are all signs that the Depression is progressively getting worse. On another note you appear to be very selfish and needy. If you have fallen out of love with your wife, do something about it. I know it's easier said than done, but you must take control of your situation. Have you tried marriage counseling? Is she in treatment for her Depression?? There are so many things you must take care of first. Your ex-girlfriend has every right to move on. She's waited long enough and you haven't done anything. Don't hold her back or keep her from being happy. You had your chance.
Recommended Posts