mhertz Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I recently got back together with my (ex)girlfriend. We had gone long distance as she was going off to her college. We broke up after a year and it was a nearly perfect relationship until the end. College changes people. She had basically led on a guy and he tried to get her to cheat on me with him at college. This was really unlike her and our first "major" problem in the year we had been dating. So we both kind of freaked out about it and decided it would be best to call it off. During our time apart she lost her virginity to another guy she barely knew (not the one who tried to get her to cheat on me). We were both virgins when dating and believed in abstinence. She says she basically became a person she didn't want to be and lost all respect and care for herself and others. I can tell how much she truly regrets it and has since then turned back to God. When we were dating, we never did more than kiss. I had tried feeling her up with no intentions of going any further but she didn't feel comfortable so i respected that. I said we could work past what happened and be together again. Now i am confused. I am not sure what she truly wants sexually. I am not sure what i want or can even have with her sexually. I feel almost insulted because she went and gave herself away physically to another guy she wasn't even dating whereas i could merely have a little piece and we had been together for a year. I don't know.. I just don't feel special when it comes to this part of our relationship. I'm not unclean or unattractive. I've tried to talk to her about it and she wound up in tears for a few days. It's hard to talk to her about it. She still stands by her belief of no sex before marriage but i don't know anymore. I don't want to go ALL the way but i would like to go a little bit further than kissing. Am i wrong for wanting this? I really love this girl despite everything and i want things to work. I want us to be equally happy physically and emotionally together. I hope i expressed myself clearly through my words. I tried to make this short but i hope i didn't give any wrong impressions of either of us. If i need to go into anymore detail about the relationship before the break up, the cause of the break up, the break up itself, the break up period, the reconciliation, and/or where we are now; I would be glad to. I would really like some opinions. Thanks!
fun2bewith Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I recently got back together with my (ex)girlfriend. We had gone long distance as she was going off to her college. We broke up after a year and it was a nearly perfect relationship until the end. College changes people. She had basically led on a guy and he tried to get her to cheat on me with him at college. This was really unlike her and our first "major" problem in the year we had been dating. So we both kind of freaked out about it and decided it would be best to call it off. During our time apart she lost her virginity to another guy she barely knew (not the one who tried to get her to cheat on me). We were both virgins when dating and believed in abstinence. She says she basically became a person she didn't want to be and lost all respect and care for herself and others. I can tell how much she truly regrets it and has since then turned back to God. When we were dating, we never did more than kiss. I had tried feeling her up with no intentions of going any further but she didn't feel comfortable so i respected that. I said we could work past what happened and be together again. Now i am confused. I am not sure what she truly wants sexually. I am not sure what i want or can even have with her sexually. I feel almost insulted because she went and gave herself away physically to another guy she wasn't even dating whereas i could merely have a little piece and we had been together for a year. I don't know.. I just don't feel special when it comes to this part of our relationship. I'm not unclean or unattractive. I've tried to talk to her about it and she wound up in tears for a few days. It's hard to talk to her about it. She still stands by her belief of no sex before marriage but i don't know anymore. I don't want to go ALL the way but i would like to go a little bit further than kissing. Am i wrong for wanting this? I really love this girl despite everything and i want things to work. I want us to be equally happy physically and emotionally together. I hope i expressed myself clearly through my words. I tried to make this short but i hope i didn't give any wrong impressions of either of us. If i need to go into anymore detail about the relationship before the break up, the cause of the break up, the break up itself, the break up period, the reconciliation, and/or where we are now; I would be glad to. I would really like some opinions. Thanks! The beginning part of this story is almost identical to my story except that we did have sex and we are not together now... The best thing I believe is to go somewhere where there is no one, where both of you have at least 5 days alone together. Enjoy the time and don't talk about the past for the first 1-2 days...Just talk about future and dreams and life... The point here is to communicate without external influences of cell phones and people! Prepare some questions that you want to ask her..(be prepared for the answers thou). You will feel much better after you have expressed your feelings and let her do the same... Then you both should write down all the things that are bothering you from the past relationship and the current one. You can write down anything and so can she...Let her read your piece of paper and then you read her piece of paper... After that, you discussed each other's paper and get to a conclusion, burn the papers together and start your relationship fresh.... When people do silly, stupid things like sleeping around after a break-up or disrespecting the relationship I believe it is their way to cope... You need more contact time with her...
Author mhertz Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 The beginning part of this story is almost identical to my story except that we did have sex and we are not together now... The best thing I believe is to go somewhere where there is no one, where both of you have at least 5 days alone together. Enjoy the time and don't talk about the past for the first 1-2 days...Just talk about future and dreams and life... The point here is to communicate without external influences of cell phones and people! Prepare some questions that you want to ask her..(be prepared for the answers thou). You will feel much better after you have expressed your feelings and let her do the same... Then you both should write down all the things that are bothering you from the past relationship and the current one. You can write down anything and so can she...Let her read your piece of paper and then you read her piece of paper... After that, you discussed each other's paper and get to a conclusion, burn the papers together and start your relationship fresh.... When people do silly, stupid things like sleeping around after a break-up or disrespecting the relationship I believe it is their way to cope... You need more contact time with her... That sounds like a good idea.. I really don't get much time to see her physically at least. We still text pretty much every hour of the day and skype whenever we can. The next time i will see her will be next next weekend. It has been about a month since the last time.. I just don't know if i should bring it up for a while. I just want to spend some quality time with her that weekend and just have fun. Perhaps when she comes home again for spring break or summer when she'll be home for a longer period of time. Plus it will give me a longer period of time to really think about what i'm feeling.. Thanks for the reply!
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