mo mo Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Now that, is an explanation. Reason I was insulting is because looking at your previous comments in replies to mine, they look more then a little insulting. Now here is a scenario one is likely to find in my own social circle: These two people are dating, the woman has a bit of history in regards to her family and upbringing that makes it really hard to open up completely to someone. However she also doesn't want to let the guy she has feelings for go and break his heart. So she asks him to wait for her, let her straighten her life out, give her time to find herself, and to keep open the possibility of getting back together. It can be either one of those, or all of them. My own situation in regards to the person I am currently dating mirrors something like that as well. I like her, I really do, but at the same time I still have very strong feelings for my ex. So I ask if she would wait while I get closure and to get my head straight. She did, and now her and I are together and things are going very well for us. Thats why I defend the possibility of waiting for someone. Because it worked for me. I still think that is a bit selfish though. I know what you were thinking, but it still comes down to being selfish. If you have issues with someone else, it is simply unfair to tell someone to wait for you because who knows what could happen while you are resolving those issues? Who know what opportunities will come along for the other person while you are trying to resolve those issues? Who knows if you decided you still want to be with your ex? You are asking the other person to take a risk for you but you aren't exactly taking the same kind of risk. That is why it is selfish. It worked out for you and you're happy. You should feel lucky that you have someone that is so benevolent. The reason I sounded cold and uncompromising in my posts is because that is how you need to be when you deal with situations like this. There may come a time when OP has to let go of his pride and make some compromises for his SO, but this was clearly not one of those cases. Bending over while you allow someone else to be selfish is never a good idea, so my opinion had to be uncompromising because he had to understand that. The second he thinks there might be a possibility of it not being a selfish act, or that he might be wrong for feeling the way he does is when he starts digging himself into a deeper hole. When you have feelings for someone it can be hard to rule out tiny possibilities.
collegeguy_24 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I still think that is a bit selfish though. I know what you were thinking, but it still comes down to being selfish. If you have issues with someone else, it is simply unfair to tell someone to wait for you because who knows what could happen while you are resolving those issues? Who know what opportunities will come along for the other person while you are trying to resolve those issues? Who knows if you decided you still want to be with your ex? You are asking the other person to take a risk for you but you aren't exactly taking the same kind of risk. That is why it is selfish. It worked out for you and you're happy. You should feel lucky that you have someone that is so benevolent. The reason I sounded cold and uncompromising in my posts is because that is how you need to be when you deal with situations like this. There may come a time when OP has to let go of his pride and make some compromises for his SO, but this was clearly not one of those cases. Bending over while you allow someone else to be selfish is never a good idea, so my opinion had to be uncompromising because he had to understand that. The second he thinks there might be a possibility of it not being a selfish act, or that he might be wrong for feeling the way he does is when he starts digging himself into a deeper hole. When you have feelings for someone it can be hard to rule out tiny possibilities. I can understand that. In my situation, the ex left me unexpectedly, and not long after the new person asked me out and things went from there. I asked her to wait so that I could get some therapy and such, as well and get out of my ex the reason for the break up. I did not expect reconciliation at all, thats why I asked the new girl to wait for a bit. If I thought for even a moment reconciliation was a possibility, I never would have asked that. However, you do bring up a good point about being uncompromising. A lot of people would take advantage of having someone to wait for them, as a fall back, if things didn't work out as they hoped. Having a woman or a man ask for someone to wait for them so they could date others is selfish, and I certainly wouldn't tolerate it. However if she/he wanted to get some issues worked out, whether they be mental, emotional, financial and so on, thats different, at least in my opinion.
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