make me believe Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I try to eat a salad before the pizza, pasta, or whatever it is that my boyfriend has ordered/made for us. It helps me because I'll have the salad and then 2 slices of pizza instead of 3 or 4 slices. Just make sure it's a plain garden salad, no cheese, croutons, meat, or super fatty dressings in it! That'll miss the point entirely. Also, when I know we're going to go out to eat or to a bar that night, I compensate for it earlier in the day by eating lightly for breakfast & lunch. Lots of fruits & veggies, then I can feel much better about the beer or pizza. And as a few others have said, don't feel like you have to keep up with him! When he's chowing down and you're eating a smaller portion, remember that you're a smaller person AND he's more active right now. Try to make some of your dates active as well -- hiking is one of my fave things to do with my BF. Just maybe try not to be like us and go out for Mexican food afterwards.
depplover_1980 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 A very easy way to lose weight is to up your liquid intake - drink more water, more hot drinks and low cal fizzy drinks and eat soups a lot. Trick the stomach into feeling full and when you eat you will not be able to fit as much in. After a while your stomach will shrink slightly. Also eat slower and chew more and pay attention to how full you are but if you do the top bit, you'll start to be in tune with how full you actually are more often. Listen to your body. I have recently lost 21lbs in 8 months.
Gala Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 D-Lish - It has been a long time since I was in this sort of situation, but oh do I remember the experience. To boot, I'd also gone on the Pill and quit running competitively! My boyfriend was a big guy (6'2", 220), had completely different capacities, and I think wanted me to be heavier so that I wouldn't be as attractive to other guys. I probably gained 20 pounds over about 6-8 months, and I didn't start to shed it till I was leaving the relationship. This experience at such a young age was pretty difficult. Where I am now? I am just selfish with my time. It's the gym and yoga, by God. But I have a good friend who has a big tall boyfriend, and they do lots of late night eating. Since she's dated him her body has changed a lot. I have never spoken of it with her, but I think he's just oblivious about how her needs might be different. It's not always the case, but guys can be like that. On the other side of the coin, I've known guys with eating disorders and body image issues...and they're just scary. I've never really put it into words, but I think there's a "place" one goes into when in the eating mode within a relationship. Is it compensatory for times in the past that felt empty? I don't know. Food and security are so linked... At any rate, I advocate just trying to stay in your body in those moments. And I second the water suggestion!
Kamille Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 My boyfriend was a big guy (6'2", 220), had completely different capacities, and I think wanted me to be heavier so that I wouldn't be as attractive to other guys. Bf, ex-bf and ex-ex-bf have all struggled to be supportive of my desire to shed the love pounds. They all said it was because they loved the added curves on my boobs & ass. I believe them. I don't think it was some form of sabotage. A lot of men are attracted to women with a bit of meat on their bones.
Gala Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 It's different with every guy. Some truly do love the added curves/meat, and are not sabotaging. And sometimes there's also an interest in that bit of perceived extra security.
Author D-Lish Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 I have ideas, as I was right there where you are now with Skiman. The weight packed on quickly, and I really struggled to get it off. I had a mini-breakdown in the shower, about 6-7 months in to our relationship after putting on about 10 pounds. He was mortified that I was so upset, and really made just as much of an effort as I did to help me lose it. The thing is, you can't hide this from him. Rather than ask for space, communicate what's happening. On your thin frame, I imagine that he *might* be able to notice (although I'm sure he thinks you're just as beautiful, because you are!). Given how active he is, I'm sure he would understand your concerns. Next, focus on making healthier choices - together. And focus on portion control - for yourself. At 5'4'', I was matching portions of tortellini and pizza and the like of a 6'3''/6'4'', 220 lb dude, and didn't even notice it until my favorite jeans were too tight. Thanks everyone for your responses. I agree that it's something I have to talk to him about. If it wasn't so cold and snowy up here we could participate in some more active dates! I've mentioned it in passing, but I haven't voiced it as a real concern, and I know I need to do that ASAP. He's a good guy, I know he'll want to do whatever he can to help. I don't know why I am being so shy about broaching the subject. I am doing the same thing you did, keeping pace with HIS eating habits, when I simply can't do that and expect to stay at a weight I am happy with! I've gotten back on track the last few days, and I got on the treadmill when I came home from work tonight...That was hard to do! When I am on my own, I eat healthy and I don't keep any crap in the house. The majority of our dates involve late night snacking and it shocked me how quickly the pounds started to add up! I too had a mini break down when I popped my pants. I know he'd be open to participating in healthier eating. I think I'm going to suggest that we do a little more grocery shopping and cooking instead of going out to dinner so much. For sure it's something I have to talk to him about, because it is affecting our sex life because I am just not feeling sexy with the extra weight:o.
Isolde Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 D, I know you're tall, so while I understand your concern, I know that you are still slim. Just relax and enjoy yourself, focusing on smaller portions of foods that you find enjoyable, and you should really be fine. I agree that cooking new recipes is a really good way to eat healthier, since you'd be surprised how easy it is to cut down on fat, sugar and salt by using only as much as a recipe needs, to taste good.
Author D-Lish Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 Bf, ex-bf and ex-ex-bf have all struggled to be supportive of my desire to shed the love pounds. They all said it was because they loved the added curves on my boobs & ass. I believe them. I don't think it was some form of sabotage. A lot of men are attracted to women with a bit of meat on their bones. I know he notices the weight to some extent because my boobs are busting out of my bras! I'm lucky that my job keeps me active- I'm never standing still- always moving- but it's not enough to be a great workout. I usually start my day at the computer at 8am, then am on the road before noon, and if I am lucky, I get home before 9pm. I'd love to be as active as my bf- he works 9-5 and hits the gym after work everyday for an hour. I got on the treadmill as soon as I got in tonight and am going to try and keep that up. I've also gotten back into drinking water instead of diet soda- which helps to keep me fuller.
pandagirl Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I know he notices the weight to some extent because my boobs are busting out of my bras! Maybe that why he's keep on ordering those late night pizzas! But really, I know us women tend to freak out about your weight, but it's really only 10 lbs. And now that you realize you can't continues these eating habits, you'll cut and and all will be back to normal.
Author D-Lish Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 Maybe that why he's keep on ordering those late night pizzas! But really, I know us women tend to freak out about your weight, but it's really only 10 lbs. And now that you realize you can't continues these eating habits, you'll cut and and all will be back to normal. Thanks Panda:) I think what worries me the most is that I fell into this same pattern with my exH. I put on almost 40lbs at one point in our relationship- and after I lost it all and then some, I vowed that I would never let that happen again! It seems from other women's experiences that the relationship weight issue is a common plight amongst us. My bf asked me to go to dinner tomorrow night, so I suggested that he let me cook for him instead, which he was open to. I'm going to talk to him tomorrow too.
Lovelybird Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Yes, I am with panda, your bf purposely feed you but still, keep healthy and fit will make yourself feel good. Have you ever tried asian cooking? they have so many flavors and delicious (delicious than pizza), and it is so hard to get on fat from healthy Asian meals. I really don't remember there is a big person on the street in my home country. Eat healthy is much more effective than tread mills
Kamille Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 My bf asked me to go to dinner tomorrow night, so I suggested that he let me cook for him instead, which he was open to. I'm going to talk to him tomorrow too. Yay hurray! What a good initiative and a great context to talk about it. I'm sure it's going to go well. Keep us posted!
EasyHeart Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 To me, the kind of foods you eat is an important part of compatibility. I guess I put it in the 'shared values' category. I'm very conscious of what I eat and try to eat only healthy foods. If I'm dating someone who doesn't eat vegetables and only eats things that come from a box, I pretty much know we're going to have some fundamental problems.
mitchell Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Vigorous and frequent sex is a great way to burn calories. Please don't cut back on that department. In the end, it's about eating healthier and making time to be more active. If you two are going to work out in the long run, these are choices you will have to make together. Best of luck with your new love.
Author D-Lish Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Thanks everyone for your responses! I have been chatting about this in off topic and thought I'd update my progress. I have lost 4lbs since vowing to change things. It's been all me though. My bf is verbally supportive- but come midnight on the very night I talked to him about my issues- he ordered a pizza at midnight:mad:. It occurred to me that night that it's all on me. I can't expect him to change his habits for me, I need to be 100% responsible for my own health and weight. He works out everyday and plays hockey a few nights a week- so if he wants pizza at midnight, he can indulge, I just have to be firm that I don't need to. I've been hopping on the treadmill when I have the time and inclination, but I have been doing well just abstaining from keeping up with his eating habits. I put a picture up on my mirror in the bathroom from when I was at my heaviest- and I see it every morning when I brush my teeth. That helps to keep me motivated! I love going out to dinner, so when we do, I order a salad. Since I have started my new position, I have been working longer hours than before, so I often tell him to eat first and then I'll meet him later. It's become about keeping myself in check, and it's working so far. He's a great guy, but he isn't overly concerned about me gaining weight- which is why I am taking control. Despite the fact that I've told him it's become an issue for me, he still wants his pizza at midnight. That bothers me a bit- but I don't want him to change for me. I just remember how quickly 40lbs crept up on me with my exH- that weight piled on me seemingly overnight!! One day I was slim, and the next, I was 160lbs. I know my issue of putting on 10lbs is pretty mundane given the more serious issues that people have to deal with in relationships- I just hate struggling with it. I'm losing it though- it's just been tough helping him to see how important this is to me.
Gala Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 "My bf is verbally supportive- but come midnight on the very night I talked to him about my issues- he ordered a pizza at midnight." I'm sorry that happened, D-Lish. 10 lbs or thereabouts might seem inconsequential to others, but from what you've said it's also an undoing of arduous work...and a slippery slope. Unfortunately, guys sometimes don't get the connection between theory and practice. I'm also sorry you feel like you need to spend less time with your BF as a result, but this is really understandable. I hope those salads sometimes have a protein element as well!
LittleTiger Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 D-Lish, I think you're right that you need to take control for yourself and accept that your bf will do as he pleases. He's not being selfish or intentionally trying to sabotage your efforts, he's just carrying on as he did before he met you and you need to learn to do the same. I'm a chocaholic and although I'm slim I have to be very careful to stay that way. My partner is lean and muscular and he generally eats quite healthily but he does a very physical job and struggles to get enough calories inside him. He eats around 7000 calories a day starting with chocolate in bed with his early morning coffee! As I'm only 5ft 3in tall I would be obese within a few months if I ate the way he does. When we first got together I found it really difficult to cope with but once I realised I just needed to eat and exercise for me and let him do his own thing, it became much easier. Congrats on the 4lbs by the way!
Faded_x Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Congrats on your progress! I think it's great that your boyfriend's being verbally supportive. I don't think it's right of you to expect him to change his habits because that's what you want. I know you said you don't want him to; but you also said you're disappointed that he's not being more actively helpful. Put it this way; if he was trying to put on weight and so was wanting to eat more, would you change your eating habits to accommodate that and begin putting on weight too? I don't think so, and I don't think you should be expected too. This is meant to be a change in you, so it's you who needs to do it; not him! You just need to use more self control when he orders those midnight pizzas. And since so far you're doing that; good for you! To be honest, I've always found it funny that a vast majority of girls say they tend to get "comfortable" in relationships and put on weight. I've always been the opposite, and have wanted to look my best because of my relationship! I've found my boyfriend to be a bigger incentive to keep my figure, than being single ever did!
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