D-Lish Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 It's been so long since I was engaged in a full time relationship with anyone. I have found myself in the unfortunate situation of putting on almost 9 lbs since I started seeing my bf of 3 months:mad:. I'm well on my way to putting on more if I don't change this new habit asap. We fell into the normal routine of eating out a lot- going out for pints, indulging in late night pizza, etc. We just got back from a short vacation last Wednesday and I stepped on the scale after popping the zipper on my favorite pants! Almost 10 lbs in 3 months. It's gotten me a little depressed, and I need to nip this in the bud right now! My bf works out 5 days a week, and plays hockey 2 nights a week on top of that, and he hasn't put on an ounce, but all of this is normal indulgence for him. I have a crazy work schedule, I don't have the time to work out 5 days a week, so I have to rely on keeping my calories lower. I don't want to be that person that gets comfortable and lets themself go! The weight gain has started affecting my self esteem a little, I just don't feel as sexy as I did 2 months ago, and it's affecting our sex life as I feel reluctant to be undressed around him:o. I've actually cut back on the amount of time we've been spending together because I want to avoid the temptation of splurging. I actually told him tonight "I need some space"- because I'm too embarrassed to tell him I am putting on weight by hanging out with him and indulging in these habits that are contributing to my weight gain. I need some ideas of how to enjoy the relationship without over-indulging. If I'm by myself, I won't order a late night pizza- but if I'm with him- I'll grab a few slices at midnight because he wants it, and he orders it, and IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I have cut back on the time I spend with him because I don't want to restrain him from his normal habits- but I don't want to be tempted by them either. I'm 134 lbs, I can't keep pace with the eating habits of a 170lb guy, or I'll become a 170lb girl:o. Ideas of how to deal with this?
Star Gazer Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I have ideas, as I was right there where you are now with Skiman. The weight packed on quickly, and I really struggled to get it off. I had a mini-breakdown in the shower, about 6-7 months in to our relationship after putting on about 10 pounds. He was mortified that I was so upset, and really made just as much of an effort as I did to help me lose it. The thing is, you can't hide this from him. Rather than ask for space, communicate what's happening. On your thin frame, I imagine that he *might* be able to notice (although I'm sure he thinks you're just as beautiful, because you are!). Given how active he is, I'm sure he would understand your concerns. Next, focus on making healthier choices - together. And focus on portion control - for yourself. At 5'4'', I was matching portions of tortellini and pizza and the like of a 6'3''/6'4'', 220 lb dude, and didn't even notice it until my favorite jeans were too tight.
tigressA Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 First things first, you have to talk to him about this. It's starting to affect your sex life and the amount of time you spend together overall; that's a pretty big deal. This is something you should be honest with him about. I went through a bit of the same thing once. While my biggest concern with putting on weight is having to buy new clothes that I can't necessarily afford, I did date someone for a time and in that relationship my weight went up significantly--10 pounds, and in even less time than you. I was concerned because my jeans were starting to get rather tight. The guy I was with, though he had no weight problems, wanted to start eating better regardless, so we did it together. We focused more on vegetarian meals, we cooked together all the time instead of going out, scaled down on late-night eating and indulged in junk much more sparingly. We also started walking more--if there was a place we wanted to go and it was within reasonable distance to walk, that's what we would do. It seemed like I was back to my normal weight in no time.
Knittress Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Good for you for keeping on top of this! I didn't really notice this happening to me until I had gained about 70 lbs over the course of a few years. UGH. So, obviously my advice isn't of much use here - but maybe you could carry around a little baggy of carrot sticks that you can munch on while he loads up on calories? That way you'll have an easier time exercising portion control.
Imajerk17 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 (edited) How tall are you? If you're anything over 5'0" you're fine. If you are anything like you look in your avatar you're fine. Meanwhile, just tell him that you're trying to eat healthy and get/stay in shape (much sexier than dieting). Work out too more, if you aren't already. Edited February 8, 2011 by Imajerk17
johan Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Soon you'll be Double D-Lish. That doesn't sound so bad, does it? Try to look on the bright side.
Feelin Frisky Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I can ID with this and have had the same thing happen. I think the key is in whether or not your SO will accept that you need to live a planned diet for a while. I don't know how you start a diet and then give in within a few days to having pizza at midnight. You of course don't have to be on a diet forever. But if you want to nip your weight gain in the bud and get back to square one, it takes some sacrifice on the part of both parties. My g/f was too stupid and selfish to get what I was trying to put across about my weight issue--she'd agree and then forget a day later and want to eat 8 courses at her mothers with me. It can't be that way--it's all about life-style. And to lose weight you have to get some traction on a different life-style than you're currently living--not just go without for one night. So, why not say you want to go on a program for say, 6 weeks. If he's with you, see what you can do with the 6 weeks. You'll want to come through with something to show. And when you do, he'll probably be glad you both gave it a shot. Repeat as necessary to keep yourself within a range of weights.
30Years Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Please tell your boyfriend the truth. If you can't trust him with your feelings, you don't have much. Quite frankly, I doubt you have much to worry about. I think he would be relieved to know why you want some space, and he will feel a much stronger connection to you if you show him that you trust him. As for the weight, calorie restriction alone as a method of weight control is a misery that will put you into a yo-yo weight cycle and strip you of muscle tone. You HAVE to exercise. Make the time, schedule it, and stick to the schedule. Find an exercise you enjoy doing, or at least, the one you enjoy the most.
zengirl Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I don't know your schedule, but your BF sounds like an active guy----is there no way you can spend some time together on 'active' dates. I worry about staying active, and having enough social time, so my BF and I do things together like bike ride, rock climb (indoor), hike, or just walk to local restaurants instead of driving. Occasionally we do yoga together, too. I try to squeeze in 15-30 minutes of yoga a day, sometimes not all at once. (I also sneak in some yoga at work, because they don't give me enough kids to see, as a reading coach, but not everyone has that luxury/problem.) I always take the stairs, too, and sometimes I run up and down the stairs in my house a couple times a day if I haven't gotten to the gym. I park at faraway spots, so I have to walk farther. It sounds silly, but little choices like that add up. As for cutting the calories, have the pizza place bring out a salad, too (most of them have them) or keep healthy food you LIKE around, so you have something to munch on. When my BF orders pizza or hot dogs, I grab some whole wheat low carb pita and cilantro and roasted tomato hummus from the fridge. I like it better anyway. I do indulge occasionally, but it's not enough to matter in the long run, and if I see it's a pattern, I cut back for a bit. It's about balance. Hiding it from your partner isn't going to help anything. However, since he's a guy and probably thinks you still look fine, don't overblow it. Just say you need to make healthier choices for awhile and that you're looking for him to help you do that. Most people are happy to help and support a partner in being healthier.
curlygirl40 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I'm having the same issue here, having gained 10 lbs in almost 3 months with the new guy. Holiday weight hasn't helped either. With spring on it's way (doesn't feel like it but it is!) I have decided to run a 5K. I work out and walk but have never done something like this. Maybe setting a goal like that and telling him that you're training and eating well for something like that will help. Being as active as he is, he'll certainly understand it. I would think. I think most of my weight has just come from being 'comfortable and happy'. Ug! lol
Titania22 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 :)Good luck Dlish, I wish you every success in this. The only success I have had in staying slim, is staying single.
hotgurl Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 D I gained 15 pounds after my wedding in less than a year. It is so easy to do. My husband is super active and can eat a lot. He is also health concious. So it was easy for me to tell him I need to lose weight. He just started eating healthier with me. I would tell the BF. Just say you need to lay off the late night pizza. BTW pizza is a huge trigger food for me. and I had it twice this weekend and gained 1 pound.
sammyd Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Problem i find, is that women try and keep up with the guys! haha! So, instead of having half that pizza, just have a couple of slices, let him polish off the rest, instead of that pint of beer, have a half, stuff like that. It's just a matter of thinking about how much you're eating, instead of just going along with the flow of eating as much as the OH. At least you've noticed already so you can do something about it:)
Arabella Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I've been with my boyfriend for about three months and I had exactly the same problem. With all the initial courting, going out to eat and all that, I ended up gaining 7 lbs in about 6 weeks. Suddenly, my jeans were too tight! My bf is this really skinny guy who can't put pounds on unless he eats to the point of being disgusted lol. Naturally, me trying to keep up with his italian food cravings, midnight pizza, etc resulted in my gaining the weight. Honestly, I think the key is restraint. I told him I was unhappy with the weight and I needed to lose it, and he was totally accomodating. We don't eat out anymore. He still needs to eat a lot more than I do though, so when he's wolfing down a massive bowl of pasta, I try to find something healthy to munch on. It worked, as I've lost not only the 7 lbs but 10 more on top of that. You just can't try to keep up with a man's eating habits. I know it's tempting and so easy to let it happen, but the caloric needs are so different that you will always end up gaining weight.
wbr4p Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 hey delish same thing happened to me before..lol its also embarassing to show someone u are dieting, its like, not fun. it feels weird when someone is wolfing down something and ur sitting there eating celery sticks and looking miserable. but i foudn that not eating dinners made me lose significant amount of weight. i just had a slim fast shake for dinner w/ lots of crushed ice. when you wake up in the morning, all the fats u stored from the night before are like ..hard and greasy. melt them down w/ a bit of exercise and a cup of green tea. green tea really helps. also if u dont eat dinner, u need to eat breakfast. eggs with fruit. dont drink soda. im on the process of losing craploads of weight ..and im going to the gym this week. my friend told me fish oil capsules are good for working out.
Gettingtired Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 D-Lish, you're still under 10 stone [in the UK we go by that type of system] or just over 60kg, which is really light, to me anyway. I sort of understand how women are about their weight as I have a friend who is just like you. She's around the 10 stone mark and frequently goes on about how she wants to lose more weight etc. etc. Best thing to do is just talk to him about your concerns huni. I'm sure he'll understand and as said before will be happy you confided in him about it.
Els Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Look at it this way... If your partner was worried about putting on weight, would you rather he tell you and work out a plan with you (ie not getting pizza so much, etc), or just retreat and suddenly not want to spend time with you/get undressed in front of you?! Seems like a gross mis-prioritization of things to me. I think anyone who cares about their partner would prefer the former.
zengirl Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Ah, green tea is a great one someone mentioned above. Drink it hot, and it's more beneficial for weight loss. (I'm not sure this is scientifically proven, but Koreans and Japanese folks swear by it, and I swear it works.)
Kamille Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Ah the dreaded lurv weight. One thing is certain: your plan to lose weight will be much more effective if you have his support. Now, since he's likely crazy about you - he probably thinks you look as smoking hot at your current weight than at your former weight. So, you'll need to stress that you don't need his validation that you're hot, you need his support in acheiving your goal. There's no shame in wanting to maintain a healthy weight and no reason not to ask for his support. I think you've said that you've struggled in the past with eating disorders. Do you think that past experience is affecting how you're approaching the issue with him? You sound like you're ashamed of your own desire to lose weight...
EasyHeart Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Tell him! A good guy is going to be supportive of this and all your other goals. And read Gary Taubes.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 No exercise is not for everyone and some people outright hate it (actually, guess what.... it is not fun)..... But how difficult is it to go to a gym for an hour and watch the tv show you were going to in any case while on the treadmill/exercise bike/elliptical? Download a podcast and go for a run to clear your head. Are you indicating your BF is not as busy, since he has time to do it 7 days a week? How about the weekends? I really resent the "no time" excuse..... If you don't want to exercise that's fine, but don't pretend you don't have any time as that is just pure bunk....
elaina Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I have ideas, as I was right there where you are now with Skiman. The weight packed on quickly, and I really struggled to get it off. I had a mini-breakdown in the shower, about 6-7 months in to our relationship after putting on about 10 pounds. He was mortified that I was so upset, and really made just as much of an effort as I did to help me lose it. The thing is, you can't hide this from him. Rather than ask for space, communicate what's happening. On your thin frame, I imagine that he *might* be able to notice (although I'm sure he thinks you're just as beautiful, because you are!). Given how active he is, I'm sure he would understand your concerns. Next, focus on making healthier choices - together. And focus on portion control - for yourself. At 5'4'', I was matching portions of tortellini and pizza and the like of a 6'3''/6'4'', 220 lb dude, and didn't even notice it until my favorite jeans were too tight. I agree with this! Just tell him! Don't cut back time without telling him why! Just tell him, I'm gaining weight. I don't want to. Help!!! Let him rescue you lol. Last night I talked to a guy I like on the phone, and he is a surfer dude who is building up for snowboarding. I told him that i'm not so much into sports but I do want to keep my figure and he said he'd help, and I like that. It's nice to do it with somebody, and guys make excellent trainers. The only issue is when the guy decides not to let you have any chocolate and fusses if you do... that's happened to me before and I was not pleased, but that's in the past, and now I'm trying to stay away from chocolate for my own good lol. So just tell him! And ask for help. From what I've seen, guys adore helping.
threebyfate Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Pffttt...your BMI is hovering around 20 right now. Nothing to worry about...at all!! Take smaller bites, chew for much longer and eat smaller portions of high cal foods like pizza and you'll be fine. When you're sitting doing paperwork or lazing on the couch, you can burn energy by clenching muscles like abs, arms, etc, if you're unable to work out more. D, you know my exercise regime. It's 20 - 40 minutes every second day workout with yoga and pilates. The days between working out, I do flights of stairs both up and down which takes around 15 minutes. This is nothing out of your entire day.
USMCHokie Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I'm going to have to agree with the masses and say that this is not something you should hide from him. I workout and play hockey (yep! ) at the same exact frequency as your boyfriend does, so I think I'd understand his perspective on the situation. I know you don't have all the time in the world to workout, so you're trying to make other lifestyle changes to accommodate for that. It looks like this is simply a matter of discipline...but I would definitely let him know your concerns...I have a feeling that he'd understand and do anything he can to help you get back to where you want to be... I know I would...
Ms. Joolie Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Okay, I'm going to be the mean one on this thread and say "it's not your boyfriend who's making you fat!" hehe It is good you are catching on to his massive diet though, and realizing that his diet doesn't work for you. You will have to be responsible in resisting your big man's diet. Unless you are planning on wrestling him, and I do mean wrestle.
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