jpf Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I've met this very beautiful 33 year old girl who's very recently divorced, on an online dating site. We've gone on 5 dates so far (within a period of about 2.5 weeks). They were all great dates. The thing is that since we met online, she's still on this dating website, and checks it a few times a day. I don't go on the site pursuing people or emailing people. But I know that she is logging on a few times a day. My friend who is also on the site, did me a favor and emailed her to see if she would respond back, a few days later she did respond and even gave him her number! When my friend asked her "so, have you met anyone interesting on this site?" Her response was "I've met some nice people, but nobody I'm really excited about". I was so crushed when I found out. I need to know where I stand from her mouth, and don't want to be investing energy into something that is possibly pointless. I'm confused because, the LAST date we went on, we had a good time, she introduced me to some of her friends. Her friends liked me and she even made a point to tell me so. After, she asked me to come to her house, but her 3 year old was sleeping in another room, so I didn't want to get too heavy. We have not had sex yet, and the reason is that I'm feeling some resistance from her, she never approaches me to kiss me, or hold my hand, she never initiates a text or phone call. I basically have to do all the work. If I kiss her, she allows it, if I text her she responds; and I've respected her so far and haven't touched or fondled her because I feel that she might not be ready. Today for example, I have not texted her all day...she hasn't even tried texting me to see how my day is. I normally text her almost every day to see how she's doing and she replies and we banter back and forth. But this is getting very wearing and becoming a source of consternation for me. I'm used to women normally making some effort to initiate a text, a call, a kiss...anything. On our last date, before I left I asked her if she wanted to do a sushi night at her place, since I know how to make sushi, I would bring over everything and we could spend some time alone. I'm thinking this might be the time to have a conversation. Here are my questions: 1) Should I have "the talk" with her about where we stand (regarding me not wanting a casual relationship or serial dating)? Or having a chat with her is going to ruin my chances? I almost want to get this out of the way because I'm tired of guessing. I almost want to say, "let's cancel our online dating subscription"...but I know that's going to end up on a sour note. 2) If so, HOW should I approach or say in "the talk"? 3) Should I wait to contact her (it's been about 30 hours since we last communicated), or should I let some days go by and let her initiate contact with me? How many days? A woman's perspective here is definitely appreciated! Thanks in advance...
Numb Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Honestly if I was in your shoes I would let it go, not even say another word to her and go back to the dating site and look for a new one. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't 100% care about you? You will be miserable and she'll be the one with all the power! If you think you can get into her pants then by all means do it and then move along. Hell she's fresh out of a divorce she has many more men to date before she is ready to settle down. If you have a talk with her it will be over, she's not serious about you. The more you act like you dont give a poo the better you will come off to her. Good luck!!
SmileFace Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 If I was acting how she was acting . This will mean I am not interested. I have kept my dating profile up while dating guys I meet from there but I will never actually reply to message from a guy while dating another. Especially after 5 dates that is just rude. She is just using you as a space holder , until her "ideal" shows up... sorry dude.
Imajerk17 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 (edited) NO. You only have talks like these **only when you want to become exclusive and her behavior is saying that she feels likewise**. I'm not sure if you got good information from your friend writing her. As long as she keeps seeing you, that is the most important thing, for now anyway. When you go over to her house, try to get physical with her and sleep with her. If she gives you a kiss goodnight and sends you on your way at 10 PM, well, there's your answer. Meanwhile, meet other women yourself. You're probably too wrapped up in this one and she can sense it. That's bad juju's. Edited February 8, 2011 by Imajerk17
Author jpf Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 (edited) Thank you for your comments! I once heard "The power in all relationships lays in whoever cares less". Unfortunately, this is sad, but true. I will try to escalate sexually...if that doesn't work then I'm gone. All I have is one question for all of you: On my next date with her, what exactly can I say that will RATTLE her, something that will show my "willingness to walk away"?? Something along the lines of "Hey, I'm sensing resistance, and to be honest, I'm nobody's lap-dog...but it was nice to meet you, kiddo. Good luck" Edited February 8, 2011 by jpf 1
GivenUp0083 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I've met this very beautiful 33 year old girl who's very recently divorced, on an online dating site. We've gone on 5 dates so far (within a period of about 2.5 weeks). They were all great dates. Or at least YOU think they were all great dates.... The thing is that since we met online, she's still on this dating website, and checks it a few times a day. I don't go on the site pursuing people or emailing people. But I know that she is logging on a few times a day. My friend who is also on the site, did me a favor and emailed her to see if she would respond back, a few days later she did respond and even gave him her number! When my friend asked her "so, have you met anyone interesting on this site?" Her response was "I've met some nice people, but nobody I'm really excited about". I was so crushed when I found out. I need to know where I stand from her mouth, and don't want to be investing energy into something that is possibly pointless. You met a woman who hasn't been single in forever because of marriage. So she's playing the field a little bit. She may not be ready for a serious relationship right now. It's possible she's not that into you, but at the same time it's possible she wants to keep it casual and just have fun for the time being. If you met an amazingly hot woman would you tell her you're going on other dates with women? hell no. It's fine, you haven't had sex, you're not exclusive, you're moving this too fast for her and you're getting too emotionally attached too early. Take a step back. I'm confused because, the LAST date we went on, we had a good time, she introduced me to some of her friends. Her friends liked me and she even made a point to tell me so. After, she asked me to come to her house, but her 3 year old was sleeping in another room, so I didn't want to get too heavy. We have not had sex yet, and the reason is that I'm feeling some resistance from her, she never approaches me to kiss me, or hold my hand, she never initiates a text or phone call. I basically have to do all the work. Had to stop you right there. You're making all the moves. What kind of challenge are you to this woman? She knows she's got you and she doesn't have to chase you even a little. What fun are you to her? She probably knows that you're in love with her and won't date any other women because she's got you and you show it so obviously. She's got you in her pocket and she's seeing what else is out there. Trying backing off a bit. Wait a week to call her. If she asks what you been up to, be vague about it and say you've been busy. Your best hope is for her to think you've been seeing other women (oh and btw, you should) If I kiss her, she allows it, if I text her she responds; and I've respected her so far and haven't touched or fondled her because I feel that she might not be ready. Today for example, I have not texted her all day...she hasn't even tried texting me to see how my day is. I normally text her almost every day to see how she's doing and she replies and we banter back and forth. But this is getting very wearing and becoming a source of consternation for me. I'm used to women normally making some effort to initiate a text, a call, a kiss...anything. Look, everybody is different. I've had girls that we only talked a few times a week, and my current gf and I text every day. Give her some space, she just got out of a marriage, she wants some independence. Again, wait a week to call her, this will throw a rock in her spokes a little and wonder why you haven't called....she may even call you. On our last date, before I left I asked her if she wanted to do a sushi night at her place, since I know how to make sushi, I would bring over everything and we could spend some time alone. I'm thinking this might be the time to have a conversation. No. Too early. Only 5 dates? 2.5 weeks? No dude, play it cool. If you want to have this conversation with her I'll tell you exactly how it will go: I'm sorry but I'm just not that into you right now, I want to enjoy being single/not ready for a relationship/not looking to get serious/I don't think we're looking for the same things.....OR you can just play it cool, stop worrying about your status and if she's with other dudes, and play a little more hard to get. Take her out once a week, make some moves when you are together, have sex with her, THEN you can maybe ask for some exclusivity if you continue to sleep together, but other than that you gotta play this one slow dude. You're moving WAY too fast. Here are my questions: 1) Should I have "the talk" with her about where we stand (regarding me not wanting a casual relationship or serial dating)? Or having a chat with her is going to ruin my chances? I almost want to get this out of the way because I'm tired of guessing. I almost want to say, "let's cancel our online dating subscription"...but I know that's going to end up on a sour note. No. Unless you want to shoot your chances with her, and your chances of getting laid, in the foot. 2) If so, HOW should I approach or say in "the talk"? You don't. 3) Should I wait to contact her (it's been about 30 hours since we last communicated), or should I let some days go by and let her initiate contact with me? How many days? Wow you count the hours? You should let a week go by, then act aloof like you've been busy by the next time you call her. A woman's perspective here is definitely appreciated! Thanks in advance... You're welcome! I just hope you follow it.
GivenUp0083 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 If I was acting how she was acting . This will mean I am not interested. I have kept my dating profile up while dating guys I meet from there but I will never actually reply to message from a guy while dating another. Especially after 5 dates that is just rude. She is just using you as a space holder , until her "ideal" shows up... sorry dude. Eh, not every girl is like this. I've dated plenty of girls that I could tell were dating other dudes at the time. It's no big deal, just some people can do it and some people can't. I wouldn't take her willingness to go out with other men as a sign of lack of interest. Thank you for your comments! I once heard "The power in all relationships lays in whoever cares less". Unfortunately, this is sad, but true. I will try to escalate sexually...if that doesn't work then I'm gone. All I have is one question for all of you: On my next date with her, what exactly can I say that will RATTLE her, something that will show my "willingness to walk away"?? Something along the lines of "Hey, I'm sensing resistance, and to be honest, I'm nobody's lap-dog...but it was nice to meet you, kiddo. Good luck" Nope. Don't say that. You have to show her your willingness to walk away through ACTION, not words. Be a little more friendly to the waitress next time, don't be afraid to engage in friendly banter with other women while you're out, especially if she got up to go to the bathroom or something to find you chatting with a cute blonde. Don't be so obvious or revealing about your plans or what you do when you're not with her. Leave gaps in your "how was your day" response. She'll fill those gaps with: maybe he was out with another woman. If you wanna really push the envelope, make a date with her and cancel it last minute and say something came up, then go out with another girl.
Author jpf Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 GivenUp. Wow, that was a great answer. Thanks for putting time into that. I have one question for you though...we had plans to meet tomorrow and make sushi at her place. This is my chance to escalate sexually, since I've never been at her place without her son around. 1) Should I just text her and say, "hey, let's do something a bit more low-key instead of cooking...let's order a pizza or something"? 2) Or should I, like you said, cancel and not text, call for a week like you said? This approach may be a bit pushing it, and I'm not sure if it would work...besides screwing my chances to get her to sleep with me on that night.
GivenUp0083 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 GivenUp. Wow, that was a great answer. Thanks for putting time into that. I have one question for you though...we had plans to meet tomorrow and make sushi at her place. This is my chance to escalate sexually, since I've never been at her place without her son around. 1) Should I just text her and say, "hey, let's do something a bit more low-key instead of cooking...let's order a pizza or something"? 2) Or should I, like you said, cancel and not text, call for a week like you said? This approach may be a bit pushing it, and I'm not sure if it would work...besides screwing my chances to get her to sleep with me on that night. I say just go with the date for now. Make a move sexually, if no dice then you can ignore her for a week.
Author jpf Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 Thanks! I'm following you're advice. Final question....I promise. Based on your recommendation, since I haven't texted her in almost 2 days now...Would you follow up today with a text about tomorrow night, or just wait until tomorrow to text her about it? If I wait until tomorrow, she would probably think we're not meeting up and/or cancel on me, and as a consequence she will have the upper-hand. If so, what would you say in this text? Thanks again
SmileFace Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Eh, not every girl is like this. I've dated plenty of girls that I could tell were dating other dudes at the time. It's no big deal, just some people can do it and some people can't. I wouldn't take her willingness to go out with other men as a sign of lack of interest. That is why I said "If I was acting like that" - never said every girl was like that
GivenUp0083 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 (edited) Thanks! I'm following you're advice. Final question....I promise. Based on your recommendation, since I haven't texted her in almost 2 days now...Would you follow up today with a text about tomorrow night, or just wait until tomorrow to text her about it? If I wait until tomorrow, she would probably think we're not meeting up and/or cancel on me, and as a consequence she will have the upper-hand. If so, what would you say in this text? Thanks again Do you really want to invest time with a woman that isn't all that interested in you? If there's a chance she will break the date, you want her to do it because then you can safely flush her number down the toilet. You only want to be dating women with a high interest level in you and this girl is barely in that category. We don't know what she wants, but its your job to find out as early as possible by forcing her to show all her cards. If there's a chance she doesn't want to be romantically involved with you, you want her to reject you as soon as possibe. Short answer: call her day of and ask her something like "what kind of wine do you prefer" and bring over a bottle to go with the sushi. You're checking to see if you're still on without actually saying it. This also gives her a chance to cancel if she's thinking about it. In the future don't be so easy to win over. You are a man over 30 who is only going to get better looking with age while the women will get fatter and more wrinkled. You hold the upper hand, she should be chasing YOU. Go in that mindset while maintaining class, respect, and honesty. Go out with multiple women, play a little hard to get by not showing your hand so easily. Make them earn your respect and honesty by showing interest. Edited February 8, 2011 by GivenUp0083
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