JustJoe Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Strangely, as a former OM, I have no real qualms about revenge affairs. But only if done upfront and honestly , if that's even possible. I think that the OP is a troll, but if not, I think he should end his marriage immediately, and see where the other relationship is headed BEFORE proposing.
StoneCold Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Then its done... I would caution you on proposing to the new girl any time soon
Binster Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I was just thinking this guy's getting flack for basically saying his affair is because of his wife's behaviour (not a good enough reason in my book). Yet how mant times have we seen wives saying the affair is the husbands fault (does'nt give her enough atention, always at work etc etc) they dont seem to get the same amount of grief from posters. Doesn't seem to be a level playing field these days.
jthorne Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 i think the OP is going to right direction for revenge ... so the wife will feel how ii being betrayed. got her. but for the OP i suggest that you file the D immediately but make sure if the new lady is a good lady unlike your current W.Doesn't sound to me like the OW is much different that any of the other cheaters in this scenario. That is, if she knew he was married going in. I say take advantage in this most romantic of romantic holidays. Set your W free, and propose the the OW. Everybody is happy, and gets what they deserve.
silktricks Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 You had every right to be angry at her for the betrayal but stooping to her level is not the answer. Just end it because it is clear neither one of you know what marriage is about. What he said Get a divorce. Get therapy. Get your head on straight. THEN find someone.
bentnotbroken Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I was just thinking this guy's getting flack for basically saying his affair is because of his wife's behaviour (not a good enough reason in my book). Yet how mant times have we seen wives saying the affair is the husbands fault (does'nt give her enough atention, always at work etc etc) they dont seem to get the same amount of grief from posters. Doesn't seem to be a level playing field these days. Well I wonder where you have been reading? There are several women on here who caught hell and then some about the revenge affair. An affair is only the fault of the one having the affair. Marital problems are the responsibility of both parties, but the way each chooses to deal with those problems(cheating, drugs, alcohol, abuse, gambling, food) are the responsibility of the one engaging in the action.
bentnotbroken Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 i think the OP is going to right direction for revenge ... so the wife will feel how ii being betrayed. got her. but for the OP i suggest that you file the D immediately but make sure if the new lady is a good lady unlike your current W. Are you sure let me gogo?
Author FredB Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 Geez. I don't need therapy but thanks anyway. I need a new woman who won't cheat on me. I feel sorry for my wife. She trusts me and never questions anything I do. It's been easy to cheat on her. It was easy for her to cheat on me. When I tell her about the other woman I can't wait to see her face when she gets a taste of her own medicine. This is a celebration. My wife cheats on me and then I find someone better. I ought to thank her for it.
bentnotbroken Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Geez. I don't need therapy but thanks anyway. I need a new woman who won't cheat on me. I feel sorry for my wife. She trusts me and never questions anything I do. It's been easy to cheat on her. It was easy for her to cheat on me. When I tell her about the other woman I can't wait to see her face when she gets a taste of her own medicine. This is a celebration. My wife cheats on me and then I find someone better. I ought to thank her for it. Once again my condolences.
jthorne Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Geez. I don't need therapy but thanks anyway. I need a new woman who won't cheat on me. I feel sorry for my wife. She trusts me and never questions anything I do. It's been easy to cheat on her. It was easy for her to cheat on me. When I tell her about the other woman I can't wait to see her face when she gets a taste of her own medicine. This is a celebration. My wife cheats on me and then I find someone better. I ought to thank her for it. Sounds like a match made in heaven. I wish you much happiness.
bentnotbroken Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 bentnotbroken ... whats wrong with you. the OP is going to his way and it is good for him to get the revenge. and btw, dont bother to reply my comment. Public forum let me gogo. I will reply to whatever I want to. And he is as sad a case as you are.
bentnotbroken Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 hmm whatever .. i just try to support the OP. why all of the women here reacting bad in this thread ... because they are uncomfortable when hearing a woman being cheated on .. but they justify the action of the cheating wife of the OP. they defend the cheating wife . useless. No one woman here is defending cheating by ANYONE. I am a woman who was cheated on and I don't give a crap who does the cheating....lack of integrity is genderless.......
2long Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Am I being a complete ass or is this normal for a betrayed husband? Yes, and no. -ol' 2long
What_Next Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 FredB, I can empathize. My wife cheated on me, I seperated from her and then I "found" another woman. We got involved and did so right in the open, in fact I did it while still living with my wife. At the time it was pure revenge, I was blinded by rage. I am ashamed and disgusted that I acted that way. I fully understand the hurt, the pain etc that your wife caused you. This is NOT the path to salvation. It is simply pushing the hurt/pain/resentment inside so you don't have to deal with it. Tell me something, does your OW know the full story or is your entire "relationship" built on a bed of lies? Remember this my friend, if she'll get WITH you, she'll cheat ON you. While I understand your motivation, I believe you are a coward. I had all the intentions in the world of leaving my wife while I was involved with the other woman, I also did so right out in the open because the mere idea of sneaking around and cheating disgusted me. Man up and leave her. This "relationship" is doomed and will peter out and you will be left alone and hurt.
2long Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Geez. I don't need therapy but thanks anyway. I need a new woman who won't cheat on me. I feel sorry for my wife. She trusts me and never questions anything I do. It's been easy to cheat on her. It was easy for her to cheat on me. When I tell her about the other woman I can't wait to see her face when she gets a taste of her own medicine. This is a celebration. My wife cheats on me and then I find someone better. I ought to thank her for it. Someone better?? Better than who? Your wife? Or you? (or her?). You're making decisions out of spite, and you'll leave one cheater - one who shows signs of repenting for her behavior - for another cheater. As is often said, "if she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you." And the same goes for you. Why do people like you get married? It can't mean anything 2 you. -ol' 2long
Rose1977 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 JMO, but if a married guy proposed to me on Valentine's Day I would run away. Quickly. OP, if you truly love your AP and feel she is your soul mate I think she deserves a true proposal when you are separated or divorced. I couldn't imagine being proposed to, then having my friends/family ask when I'm getting married and have to say "Oh, when he tells his wife he's with me and files for D". I am all for being with who you truly love, but if you truly love her I think she deserves a proper proposal from an available man.
Trimmer Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 i dont consider hm as cheaters as he didnt cheat first in his M. his noob wife did cheat first. he is free to do everything he wants as the consequence of his idiot wife action. Not holding himself to a personal standard of integrity, and blaming that on his wife's behavior, is the refuge of a coward. you are right. but he has every rght to revenge or to do what he wants over his awful wife. Even if I were to agree, I would still say that even in revenge, a "real man" - a real human being - would still be true to himself and his own sense of right and wrong. A free ticket for revenge, even if such existed, should not be a pass to break rules that you normally believe in. Put it this way: you and the OP both hate cheaters, right? How much of a twisted rationalization is it that you seem to gleefully take the opportunity to turn yourself into one, with the excuse that it's just taking revenge? I think this reveals that the OP really doesn't hate cheaters so much after all, but just took the opportunity to "take his turn" at cheating, and in the end, found out that he really likes cheating and betrayal. Irrespective of his wife's behavior (which was abominable, just for the record, so you don't accuse me of defending her - I am not) he has gone outside his marriage, fallen in love, and is relishing the pain that he will bring to his wife when he tells her. I don't call that "healing."
love4me2c Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I completely agree with you Moloko. From experience.
JaneyAmazed Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Geez. I don't need therapy but thanks anyway. I need a new woman who won't cheat on me. I feel sorry for my wife. She trusts me and never questions anything I do. It's been easy to cheat on her. It was easy for her to cheat on me. When I tell her about the other woman I can't wait to see her face when she gets a taste of her own medicine. This is a celebration. My wife cheats on me and then I find someone better. I ought to thank her for it. If you are not a troll, set your wife free ASAP. Yeah, she cheated on you for 2 1/2 months. You've been cheating on her for 8 months. How are you any better than she? Because she did it first? I kind of feel sorry for your OW actually. She won't even get a decent proposal.
DP63 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I totally get why you went for the revenge affair. However, all you've done is complicate your life. Do NOT propose to anyone while you are marriage. You are nowhere near the right place emotionally and legally to do so. Divorce your wife. I had a revenge affair. It lasted only two nights before I called it off and asked her to never contact me again but I feel terrible about it. I am dissapointed in myself, torn up by what I am putting my wife through (I know, she put me through the same but ...) and worried about our future and what it will do to our son. It was not worth it. As for the OP, I doubt you are in the right place now to propose to the OW. It seems to me that you have alot of healing to do first.
GorillaTheater Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I think I'd probably be capable of a revenge affair with the OM's wife. I am a vengeful person, though certainly not on the scale that I used to be. Pass up a chance to get revenge not only on my hypothetical WW but on the OM as well? No way. But beyond that scenario, I just don't think I'd have the heart for a revenge affair nor the inclination.
GorillaTheater Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I think I'd probably be capable of a revenge affair with the OM's wife. I am a vengeful person, though certainly not on the scale that I used to be. Pass up a chance to get revenge not only on my hypothetical WW but on the OM as well? No way. But beyond that scenario, I just don't think I'd have the heart for a revenge affair nor the inclination. Also have to note that I wouldn't have a revenge affair at all if I had any desire to heal my marriage.
ladydesigner Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Well I wonder where you have been reading? There are several women on here who caught hell and then some about the revenge affair. An affair is only the fault of the one having the affair. Marital problems are the responsibility of both parties, but the way each chooses to deal with those problems(cheating, drugs, alcohol, abuse, gambling, food) are the responsibility of the one engaging in the action. True This! BS turned WS spouse here. I had the revenge affair and will live and die with this greatest downfall. There will never be getting around this truth and it is a horrible thing to live with. My RA in the beginning made me feel EVEN, like I got my mojo back...WRONG! Now all I feel is worthless, lacking integrity, just awful. I have a lot of work to do on myself. I would advise against any RA. I wish I would have dealt with what my husband had done in a better manner.
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