FredB Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 My wife of 12 years cheated on me. She had a short lived affair, approximately 2 1/2 months in early 2010. After a few months of dealing with the aftermath I decided to have a revenge affair.She had betrayed me and it was my turn. I didn't plan on this but I fell in love with another woman. The affair was to last as long as my wife's, no more, no less. So much for that. I've been cheating on my wife since July of last year. I still don't think she deserves me. I believe it's her fault that I fell in love with someone else. If she had never cheated I wouldn't have either. I am going to tell her that I am in love with another woman. I feel bad because my wife has been remorseful and she thinks our marriage is heading in the right direction. I just can't be with her anymore. I want to make things work with the other woman. I want to propose to her on Valentine's Day. I know that's premature since I'm not divorced but she is a romantic. Am I being a complete ass or is this normal for a betrayed husband?
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I believe it's her fault that I fell in love with someone else 1)Tomorrow, please make a counsellor appointment to go talk to someone. Sorry if that above and this comes across as harsh but man, TAKE responsibility for your OWN emotions and decisions!! I cannot believe I just read that you blame your wife for YOU choosing to have a revenge affair and you blame your wife for letting yourself fall in love with another woman. 2)Divorce your wife. I mean, tomorrow. Do it, set her free.
giantfan Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 My wife had a 10 month A and as bad as I feel, the one thing that I am proud of is that I have my own integrity. I will never, ever have a revenge affair. I would end it first. Forget valentines day. What your doing doesn't make sense and is not good for either relationship.
michelangelo Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I totally get why you went for the revenge affair. However, all you've done is complicate your life. Do NOT propose to anyone while you are marriage. You are nowhere near the right place emotionally and legally to do so. Divorce your wife.
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 My wife of 12 years cheated on me. She had a short lived affair, approximately 2 1/2 months in early 2010. After a few months of dealing with the aftermath I decided to have a revenge affair.She had betrayed me and it was my turn. I didn't plan on this but I fell in love with another woman. The affair was to last as long as my wife's, no more, no less. So much for that. I've been cheating on my wife since July of last year. I still don't think she deserves me. I believe it's her fault that I fell in love with someone else. If she had never cheated I wouldn't have either. I am going to tell her that I am in love with another woman. I feel bad because my wife has been remorseful and she thinks our marriage is heading in the right direction. I just can't be with her anymore. I want to make things work with the other woman. I want to propose to her on Valentine's Day. I know that's premature since I'm not divorced but she is a romantic. Am I being a complete ass or is this normal for a betrayed husband? Your last sentence... You said it, I didn't. It is NOT normal on how you've dealt with this. The fact you put ALL the blame on your wife. And, how you've led your wife to believe that everything is okay in your marriage, when infact YOU do not have the balls to come clean and tell her the truth. You've let her to think things are fine. Why? Why be that intentionally cruel? Two wrongs don't make a right. Divorce your wife and then go marry the OW. That's the right way to handle this, not lie and put all the blame on your wife, make plans to marry someone else when you're not even close to being divorced or separated. your OW, does she know that your wife is clueless in all this and thinks the marriage is on a positive track? What have you told the OW about your wife and marriage?
JaneyAmazed Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 My wife of 12 years cheated on me. She had a short lived affair, approximately 2 1/2 months in early 2010. After a few months of dealing with the aftermath I decided to have a revenge affair.She had betrayed me and it was my turn. I didn't plan on this but I fell in love with another woman. The affair was to last as long as my wife's, no more, no less. So much for that. I've been cheating on my wife since July of last year. I still don't think she deserves me. I believe it's her fault that I fell in love with someone else. If she had never cheated I wouldn't have either. I am going to tell her that I am in love with another woman. I feel bad because my wife has been remorseful and she thinks our marriage is heading in the right direction. I just can't be with her anymore. I want to make things work with the other woman. I want to propose to her on Valentine's Day. I know that's premature since I'm not divorced but she is a romantic. Am I being a complete ass or is this normal for a betrayed husband? Really????
JaneyAmazed Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 My wife of 12 years cheated on me. She had a short lived affair, approximately 2 1/2 months in early 2010. After a few months of dealing with the aftermath I decided to have a revenge affair.She had betrayed me and it was my turn. I didn't plan on this but I fell in love with another woman. The affair was to last as long as my wife's, no more, no less. So much for that. I've been cheating on my wife since July of last year. I still don't think she deserves me. I believe it's her fault that I fell in love with someone else. If she had never cheated I wouldn't have either. I am going to tell her that I am in love with another woman. I feel bad because my wife has been remorseful and she thinks our marriage is heading in the right direction. I just can't be with her anymore. I want to make things work with the other woman. I want to propose to her on Valentine's Day. I know that's premature since I'm not divorced but she is a romantic. Am I being a complete ass or is this normal for a betrayed husband? Sorry for the repeat but... Really????
Richard Friedman Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Wow, finally a man with some balls. Good on you man.
JaneyAmazed Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Wow, finally a man with some balls. Good on you man. It takes something to propose to an OW while he's still married, but I don't think it's "balls" .
bentnotbroken Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 It takes something to propose to an OW while he's still married, but I don't think it's "balls" . More like a lack of something.
Woggle Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 You had every right to be angry at her for the betrayal but stooping to her level is not the answer. Just end it because it is clear neither one of you know what marriage is about.
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 wow ... this is interesting ....but i would be happy if you will divorce your current wife immediately. Are you his OW? Wondering now if this thread was thought up from under a bridge....
2sunny Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 wow ... this is interesting ....but i would be happy if you will divorce your current wife immediately. Are you his OW? i am not his OW. but he deserves to leave his wife ... after her affair i would be happy if you will divorce your current wife immediately. the way you used your wording does appear that you would be his OW... it's very curious the words you have chosen...
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 i am not his OW. but he deserves to leave his wife ... after her affair But you seem to know him? Then he should have left her immediately after her H, instead of waiting for so long and having a revenge affair, then falling for someone else. What's HE's done is alot worse than her 2 month affair.
Distant78 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 It takes something to propose to an OW while he's still married, but I don't think it's "balls" . Janey you the main one to talk.
Hanther Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 i am a betrayed husband and i hate cheaters. no excuses or justification for the cheaters ... all blame is on them. But yet you just excused HIM for cheating. Contradictory, much?
2sunny Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 his wife is the trigger. she deserves everything bad in her life. cheaters deserved bad consequencies in theirs life... cheaters do not deserve live in better life .. they must suffer after their affair. i do not consider he as the cheater because he is not the one who cheated first. i am a betrayed husband and i hate cheaters. no excuses or justification for the cheaters ... all blame is on them. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: i don't even know how to respond to such statements... it doesn't seem worth exerting any energy trying to show you the way... let me say this - EACH person is responsible for their own actions. cheating for any reason would seem backwards in my world. IF someone wanted to cheat- they should get divorced first. that's only fair to the spouse. proper order is key.
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 his wife is the trigger. she deserves everything bad in her life. cheaters deserved bad consequencies in theirs life... cheaters do not deserve live in better life .. they must suffer after their affair. i do not consider he as the cheater because he is not the one who cheated first. i am a betrayed husband and i hate cheaters. no excuses or justification for the cheaters ... all blame is on them. Yet he acted like he forgave her as she's under the impression that their marriage is back on track. Two wrongs don't make a right. She could have suffered if he divorced her as soon as he found out about the A But he chose not to. Sorry for your pain, though.
2sunny Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 i didn't expect a man to be named gogo... are you sure you're a male? my gut says no.
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 my apologize for the OP .. i am not to hijack your topics. everyone please respond to the OP topic and not my comment. Go go, why not start your own thread and let loose some of your anger you feel towards your wife that cheated and betrayed you. Might make you feel better.
bentnotbroken Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I recognize this writing style from another site. This person "with the go-go" hates all women cheaters but not men.
love4me2c Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Having a revenge affair is one of my life's biggest regrets. I, too, "fell in love" with the OM. But after I separated from my husband, my eyes were opened. I did not love this man. I never saw him again and ended it as soon as I moved out. I do not regret ending my marriage. My H was a cheater and jerk. But revenge affairs do nothing but hurt yourself. Please think long and hard about this.
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