Rainforest Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Six months ago, I broke up with the person I was with just before the 3 year mark because he was drinking and using illegal drugs. I refused to speak to him (I believe they call it "no-contact?") until recently when I had a family crisis in mid-January and he had gotten my new cell number. The crisis has been averted and I stopped hearing from him until my birthday this last week. I finally talked to him and agreed to meet with him for coffee as he desired. When I met up with him a few days ago, he looked healthy, sounded great, and was absolutely over the moon to see me. We ended up crying and holding each other for an hour. He had hit rock bottom, lost his job, had been robbed of all his possessions and money, his druggie "friends" had left him, and that seems to have slapped him back into reality. He was living with a stable older male mentor and now went back to his mothers...to prepare to move back to his hometown, 1500 miles away from here, a few weeks from now We are talking nonstop like nothing's happened now. He's called me up crying a couple times apologizing for all the pain he's caused me and has admitted openly that he's had a problem. He's willing to go to NarAnon when he gets back to his hometown. When I run into him or visit with him for a few minutes at his family home, he holds me like he doesn't want to let go and says losing me is the worst thing he had ever done. He's saying he doesn't want to move on in life without me, even 1500 miles away and that he wants to get his life together back in his home state and if things worked out, that I could join him next year. He wants to talk on a daily basis, have a long-distance relationship with regular visitation, and work to have the great times we used to have again and have me join him. I haven't said a word to anyone I know because everyone I know hates him for what he did to me and the relationship. I, myself, am VERY confused and pensive right now. I adored, and still love this person to death, and he genuinely seems sincere in getting his life in order and getting me back. Do I walk away completely or do I give this a try? I've been hurt a lot in the past by people, so I am afraid to be hurt again, I won't lie.
cerridwen Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Hmmm...exercise extreme caution. Relapse is a real possibility. Give it a try if you're so inclined but please, please, please don't throw your lot in with his. He needs to establish and stabilize himself--and prove to you this isn't a phase. A year really isn't enough IMO. Keep on with your life. Don't make him the center of it just yet. If you're interested in him, give him a slice of your life but not the whole thing.
WindyCityGirl Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Question??? Was he using drugs/alcohol the entire time you were together? I wouldn't attempt to work things out until he is in rehab. Most people on drugs go from extreme highs to extreme lows, unfortunately it's the lows that they can't handle and that send them spiralling out of control. He's made a lot of promises since you guys reconnected. If he's serious about making it work he'll make every effort to get you back, not just empty promises. Be careful. He has the potiential to hurt you again. One thing I do agree with is not telling family or friends just yet.
Notsogood Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I think if you really love him, you should give him the benefit of the doubt and support him to stay clean. It seems like he is really putting in a lot of effort. On the other hand, if you feel it is just empty promises, let him go.
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