Mixed28 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 So I have been thinking and want to know peoples opinions on breaks ups that occur due to one of the partners being to clingy or too distant and the dumper not talking to them about it first just dumping them. Sayt if one partner is being a little to clingy and they are dumped without being told to tone it down than did the dumper really care about the relationship? I hear from many people that if they really cared about the relationship they would have said something but I heard from someone who said "Just so you know, and you'll never realize it until you do the dumping. By the time she has to tell you to tone it down, she has lost interest in you. Depending on how hard she wants to work on the relationship, Smothering a woman makes you seem like youre not a challenge. Its a delicate balancing act of letting her take the emotional steps, and judging if her affectionate behavior is genuine. " So whats your take on it?
bluebirdsfly Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t263357/ See post #3. That's usually what happens.
Author Mixed28 Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 That blows. I am so not being clingy next time.
D-Lish Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 That blows. I am so not being clingy next time. It's a good lesson to take away from a relationship that didn't work out. Being needy in a relationship, clinging to the person and making them feel like they are the only thing you have going on puts a lot of pressure on a guy. He'll start viewing you as a liability rather than an equal partner- and you don't want that! A woman with her own interests, ambitions, goals, social life, etc, is far more attractive than someone that gives the impression that they need to be taken care of. I have a busy work schedule, and I like to spend some of my time off doing my own thing- even if my own thing is taking a bath and posting on loveshack. The guy I am dating is constantly asking me when I am available to see him again. Don't beat yourself up for throwing yourself into a relationship- we've all been there. I've learned through failed relationships in my past that having my own life is attractive to most of the men I date. The next time you meet someone you really like, just pay attention to "balance". Don't make them the center of your world, just invite them to be a part of it, and you'll be fine next time.
gator12 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Communication is also a valid part on its own. The fact is no matter how good a relationship is and how in love you are, if you can't communicate your issues the relationship will fail. Here's how I see it. Women: Great with emotions but terrible with communication. Men: Terrible with emotion but expect great communication and are good communicators. When you put the two together a woman will expect a guy to understand the emotional side of things and why they hurt her, but from a guys point of view it may not seem bad and the guy would expect the woman to tell her if something was really bad. Since both of these people expect things from one another that won't happen the relationship will crumble. People need to realize men and women are just different in how we're wired and that makes clear lines of communication essential to any relationship staying afloat, no matter how strong the love may be.
Author Mixed28 Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 It's a good lesson to take away from a relationship that didn't work out. Being needy in a relationship, clinging to the person and making them feel like they are the only thing you have going on puts a lot of pressure on a guy. He'll start viewing you as a liability rather than an equal partner- and you don't want that! A woman with her own interests, ambitions, goals, social life, etc, is far more attractive than someone that gives the impression that they need to be taken care of. I have a busy work schedule, and I like to spend some of my time off doing my own thing- even if my own thing is taking a bath and posting on loveshack. The guy I am dating is constantly asking me when I am available to see him again. Don't beat yourself up for throwing yourself into a relationship- we've all been there. I've learned through failed relationships in my past that having my own life is attractive to most of the men I date. The next time you meet someone you really like, just pay attention to "balance". Don't make them the center of your world, just invite them to be a part of it, and you'll be fine next time. lol im a dude but I get your point.
D-Lish Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 lol im a dude but I get your point. Lol, sorry:p... But my advice still stands. Find some balance- and never give up the things that are important to you when you meet someone. Keep your friends, keep your hobbies, etc.
Author Mixed28 Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 The thing is I was physically clingy not time wise hell we were always busy I did not send her a billion texts or called all the time just physically clingy. Also I did my own thing in the relationship for the most part But some one told me this. I do think it means you've probably just lost interest in the person in general. I don't judge how much I like someone by how clingy or distant they might be. If I genuinely like them, they could never really be too clingy because I'd adore all their attention. I've been with people I felt were smothering me, and it was because I never really liked them too much to begin with. But you could probably say that my boyfriend and I are very clingy with each other (constantly talking, hanging out everyday, always know what the other is up to), but it doesn't bother me because I love him and I never get tired of him. So yeah, it probably would just be a lack of interest in the relationship itself.
Sugarkane Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I disagree with gator12, my ex bf completely dumped me out of the blue. I didn't know he was looking for an exit at all. He couldn't communicate if he's life depended on it.
WTRanger Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 A lot of the time, what is deemed clingy isn't really clingy at all. Usually this is in the late death stages of any relationship. However, the soon to be dumper has said zero about any issues. They are just stating to pull away, become distant, and cold. Of course, the other person can sense this and proceeds to try hard not to let the relationship fail. However, the harder they try to more they choke off what's left. Look back, most of us that think we were clingy, weren't. We were just trying fix and save something that we cared about. The stone faced silence from the other partner was the issue. Communication, it all comes back to it.
WTRanger Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 A great post about this subject from the wise CaliGuy. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t80765/
GreenPolicy Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 A lot of the time, what is deemed clingy isn't really clingy at all. Usually this is in the late death stages of any relationship. However, the soon to be dumper has said zero about any issues. They are just stating to pull away, become distant, and cold. Of course, the other person can sense this and proceeds to try hard not to let the relationship fail. However, the harder they try to more they choke off what's left. Look back, most of us that think we were clingy, weren't. We were just trying fix and save something that we cared about. The stone faced silence from the other partner was the issue. Communication, it all comes back to it. I think this is exactly right. The feedback I got from my ex throughout the entire time we were together was "I love you, I want to marry you, this is the best relationship I've ever been in, you're the best guy I've ever dated." So why would I change? If it's not broken, why fix it? The "clinginess" in this case is the soon to be dumpee playing his/her part in the push-pull death throes of a relationship. You sense your partner pulling away on some level and it's a natural response to hold on tight. Given the plans and commitments my ex and I made to one another, it was unfathomable to me that she was planning an exit. I honestly thought that all that was happening was that the honeymoon stage of our relationship was ending and we were making a natural adjustment to that. Five days before she dumped me she told me what kind of engagement ring she wanted me to get her. Two weeks before D-Day we go to a jewelry convention to look at bands. A month before she's reminding me her parents wanted to meet mine. Six weeks before she's emailing me suggestions for wedding venues. How the hell could I have anticipated what was about to happen?
makelemonade1974 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 A lot of the time, what is deemed clingy isn't really clingy at all. Usually this is in the late death stages of any relationship. However, the soon to be dumper has said zero about any issues. They are just stating to pull away, become distant, and cold. Of course, the other person can sense this and proceeds to try hard not to let the relationship fail. However, the harder they try to more they choke off what's left. Look back, most of us that think we were clingy, weren't. We were just trying fix and save something that we cared about. The stone faced silence from the other partner was the issue. Communication, it all comes back to it. I agree with this. When you are getting absolutely no affection, you become even more desperate for it. You get "clingy" in an effort to save things. Not that some of us weren't clingy in the traditional sense. But WT has a point.
GreenPolicy Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I agree with this. When you are getting absolutely no affection, you become even more desperate for it. You get "clingy" in an effort to save things. Not that some of us weren't clingy in the traditional sense. But WT has a point. Yeah, it's the classic push pull. Some people check out of relationships for whatever reason and can't/won't communicate any dissatisfaction to their partners. My ex never confronted me with anything she didn't like or ways in which things weren't working.
Gettingtired Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 The next time you meet someone you really like, just pay attention to "balance". Don't make them the center of your world, just invite them to be a part of it, and you'll be fine next time. That really stood out to me D-Lish. The knowledge and experience of so many on this forum is opening my eyes sooo much.
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