folieadeux Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Long story short, my boyfriend got dropped from his band last night. This isn't a teenage garage band type deal; he's part of a national act that tours. He was planning on leaving due to creative differences in a few months anyway, however being fired and not leaving on your own accord could mean he'll be blacklisted from playing in his area. I'm honestly having a harder time dealing than he is. He wished them the best, harbors no hard feelings, and is excited to have more free time to devote to his solo career and regular 9-5 career. Problem is, I feel partly responsible for why this happened when it did. The reason they dropped him was because he told them he'd have to miss a show next week due to my arrival. I never asked him to cancel. I'm a musician myself and more than understand. I was looking forward to being on set with him because it rarely happens. But, after making several sacrifices over the years and never getting the same courtesy extended to him, he told them he didn’t want to miss out on any time while I was there. And that was that. Logically I know I wasn’t the cause of anything directly and my boyfriend thinks I’m crazy for thinking that way. But I just feel bad about how things went down. So, in light of all this craziness, I wanted to do something extra special for him while I was there, but am at a loss right now. Any feedback, thoughts, and/or ideas would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!
aerogurl87 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I can see how you'd feel bad about him getting dropped, but honestly if they held this double standard that the band must come first for him and didn't do the same, he's better off. Hopefully his solo career will go better than being with them.
Author folieadeux Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 I can see how you'd feel bad about him getting dropped, but honestly if they held this double standard that the band must come first for him and didn't do the same, he's better off. Hopefully his solo career will go better than being with them. I think it will, thanks. They definitely need him more than he needs them.
befreckled Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I am a firm believer of "things happen for a reason". You can't change what's been done assuming it is something you were looking at, I am certain he stood his ground knowing what he would lose, or gain. Look at this as the catalyst, what needed to happen to get his solo career moving. As for what you can do for him. Sounds very 50s housewife but I love cooking for/with my SO. Nothing says mmm like a hot meal. LOL. Also, given that music is something you both love, perhaps you can arrange for him to see a band/group he has always wanted to see. If it's outdoors, pack a basket, make an evening of it.
Author folieadeux Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 I am a firm believer of "things happen for a reason". You can't change what's been done assuming it is something you were looking at, I am certain he stood his ground knowing what he would lose, or gain. Look at this as the catalyst, what needed to happen to get his solo career moving. As for what you can do for him. Sounds very 50s housewife but I love cooking for/with my SO. Nothing says mmm like a hot meal. LOL. Also, given that music is something you both love, perhaps you can arrange for him to see a band/group he has always wanted to see. If it's outdoors, pack a basket, make an evening of it. I WAS actually giving him suggestions on how to fix this when he first told me, but he's just not interested. I internalize everything so when I found out him wanting to be there for my first night "caused" this, I just instantly felt bad. You're right though, everything happens for a reason for sure. Cooking a meal together and spending a quiet night in sounds amazing right now. Thank you.
LittleTiger Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I’m in the 'things happen for a reason' camp and I also think you should remember that your bf is responsible for his own actions, regardless of whether or not you were the catalyst. My kiwi man risked his entire career and livelihood to visit me for the first time (he can be a little impulsive ). He is very well respected where he works and is only 12 months away from a major promotion which will bring with it virtually guaranteed financial security so it was a huge risk. I didn’t realise until afterwards what he’d done and I felt guilty that he would do such a thing just for me – except of course it wasn’t just for me at the time – it was for himself. When he got back to work his bosses asked him if the risk had been worth it and he gave them a categorical ‘yes’. The way things have turned out for us, I have to say that I agree with him. Whatever the outcome of your bf's decision, it was his decision to make. Maybe he just needed an 'excuse' to get on with his solo career - maybe his solo career will take off and you will have been the catalyst for that. If that happens, I'm sure you'll look back on this point in time and be happy that you played a part in it. I'm not sure what I'd suggest re doing something special for him because that all depends on him and your relationship but I bet just being with you will be thanks enough for him.
lonely79 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I’m in the 'things happen for a reason' camp and I also think you should remember that your bf is responsible for his own actions, regardless of whether or not you were the catalyst. My kiwi man risked his entire career and livelihood to visit me for the first time (he can be a little impulsive ). He is very well respected where he works and is only 12 months away from a major promotion which will bring with it virtually guaranteed financial security so it was a huge risk. I didn’t realise until afterwards what he’d done and I felt guilty that he would do such a thing just for me – except of course it wasn’t just for me at the time – it was for himself. When he got back to work his bosses asked him if the risk had been worth it and he gave them a categorical ‘yes’. The way things have turned out for us, I have to say that I agree with him. Whatever the outcome of your bf's decision, it was his decision to make. Maybe he just needed an 'excuse' to get on with his solo career - maybe his solo career will take off and you will have been the catalyst for that. If that happens, I'm sure you'll look back on this point in time and be happy that you played a part in it. I'm not sure what I'd suggest re doing something special for him because that all depends on him and your relationship but I bet just being with you will be thanks enough for him. I totally agree with LT on this one. she has very good advice! Also, i second the seeing a band that he likes, see what shows are coming up when youll be there! go to a silly poetry reading or something like that! I bet it doesnt matter what you do though, cuz it sounds like he just wants to see and be with you!!
Author folieadeux Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 I’m in the 'things happen for a reason' camp and I also think you should remember that your bf is responsible for his own actions, regardless of whether or not you were the catalyst. My kiwi man risked his entire career and livelihood to visit me for the first time (he can be a little impulsive ). He is very well respected where he works and is only 12 months away from a major promotion which will bring with it virtually guaranteed financial security so it was a huge risk. I didn’t realise until afterwards what he’d done and I felt guilty that he would do such a thing just for me – except of course it wasn’t just for me at the time – it was for himself. When he got back to work his bosses asked him if the risk had been worth it and he gave them a categorical ‘yes’. The way things have turned out for us, I have to say that I agree with him. Whatever the outcome of your bf's decision, it was his decision to make. Maybe he just needed an 'excuse' to get on with his solo career - maybe his solo career will take off and you will have been the catalyst for that. If that happens, I'm sure you'll look back on this point in time and be happy that you played a part in it. I'm not sure what I'd suggest re doing something special for him because that all depends on him and your relationship but I bet just being with you will be thanks enough for him. Thank you so much for sharing your story LT and I'm so happy things worked out the way they have for you and your SO. As I've said before, I internalize everything and have a bad habit of feeling guilty even though I know I shouldn't. I'm just not used to anyone sacrificing something for me (especially something so big); it's overwhelming to say the very least...but in a good way. He told me today that there's no point in playing anymore if we're not together and that our relationship comes first before anything. This is the first time we were ever really faced with something like this as a couple and his love for me just plain amazes me.
Author folieadeux Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 I totally agree with LT on this one. she has very good advice! Also, i second the seeing a band that he likes, see what shows are coming up when youll be there! go to a silly poetry reading or something like that! I bet it doesnt matter what you do though, cuz it sounds like he just wants to see and be with you!! Thanks so much; I really believe that last part now...he'd just be happy doing anything as long as we're together. I guess I had some sort of "breakthrough" today.
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