conehead Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Okay, so most of my adult life, I've been told that if you want to meet a bf, a night club is the last place to look. I have a friend who's been trying to meet guys to date and she's been going to nightclubs for it, but I told her that's a very BAD IDEA. Most guys there are just looking for quick hookups. Nonetheless, she doesn't listen to me and so last Saturday we went to an upscale nightclub. There, she met and exchanged numbers with two guys who I honestly thought were douchebags. One tried to hit on me and started to try to dance with me and I just turned away -- I felt kind of grossed out. The other guy she actually ran into a couple of times at previous nightclubs (which is kind of weirdly coincidental) but he claims that he never remembered those previous encounters. He also ditched my friend for awhile and chatted/danced with some other girl before running into my friend again. As for myself, 99% of the time when I guy comes up to me he's just either doing/saying something disrespectful or he's super drunk. Well, I guess as for that other 1%, it happened to me last night. This tall, attractive guy approached me, and he was in no way disrespectful. He just asked for my name and we started to chat. He was polite...I found him charming. BUT ofcourse, there is a catch. He's moving out of the country in one month to start a business!! That's just great. Anyway, we exchanged numbers and he texted me. I texted him good luck with his business and he texted me back that it was great to meet me and he'd like for us to hang out again before he leaves. In my head, I'm thinking, if he wasn't moving out I'd actually want to go out with him and date him. But then again, maybe he's at the club because he probably just wants some last-minute NSA hookups before he leaves the country! And who knows, for all we know, maybe moving out of the country is just a lie and he's just using that to get with girls NSA!! hahaha I drive myself crazy at times. But in the end of it, has anyone actually met an SO from a nightclub?? If so, please share the details!!
Gettingtired Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Wow! 58 views and no replies. . . . . . With all my friends, only 1 couple met on a night out and are still together now. Actually they have a baby on the way. But with their relationship, the woman laid down the law so to speak. This isn't a one time thing, I'm not playing games, and made the guy wait for about a month or so to make sure he was sincere. He is a good lad and she's lovely. So it can work out. But if I'm honest 9 times out of 10, people go to clubs to get drunk, party and hook-up. It's not very often I've seen or heard of people developing long relationships with someone they met in a club. If I were you, I'd go with your gut feeling. Leaving the country in a month does sound like a line.
mo mo Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 It's kind of ridiculous to assume that every person you meet at a night club is looking for a quick fling. Some people like to go just because they enjoy the music and love to dance. There are plenty of good people that have an active night life.
30Years Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 My wife and I met in a nightclub. We've been happily married 30 years. I've never seen the grass greener on the other side. Yeah, they had nightclubs back then. We wore animal skins, used torches to light the place, and for music we had to beat sticks on stones, but we danced and had fun anyway. Now where'd I leave my dentures?
Emilia Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 some people look only for hookups in bars, others are out with their mates, having a few drinks and a chat. most people in their 20s end up going to clubs and bars at some point, it's not exactly a big deal. you will have some guys that specifically want to target drunk girls for an easy lay, others don't. I don't really drink much anymore so don't go to clubs much plus alcohol generally taints your judgement but I met some lovely guys while out. I know two girls top of my head that hooked up with someone and they are still together. had an STR with a man I met in a sports bar after a big sport tournament, the fact that it didn't work out had absolute nothing to do with where we met
Cee Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Relationships can spring from anywhere. I know couples who met in the night club scene, although it usually wasn't a random hook up. Usually, they were both DJs or scenesters and clicked from seeing each other at parties. I have noticed that many of the DJs I know are in stable relationships or married, whereas the clubbers are single and looking. It's an interesting dynamic. As for me, I never got a relationship from 5 years of clubbing. I did date two people for a while, but it fizzled out. You can't really talk to someone in a noisy club so it's hard to know if you are compatible. Also, the genuine guys tend to get pushed aside by the players. I had one friend who constantly complained that women went for the douchebags. I don't think that's really true, but the douchebags are the ones hitting on every woman until they find one who shows interest.
30Years Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I have noticed that many of the DJs I know are in stable relationships or married, whereas the clubbers are single and looking. It's an interesting dynamic. Wow! I hadn't even thought about it until I read those words. I worked at the nightclub where I met my wife. You'd be surprised how much you can learn about a person by just watching them in social situations, and in working in a nightclub, I got to watch LOTS. Looking back on it, all the girls I was interested in from the nightclub were pretty darn good fits for me. I think there is a reason for that: I got to know a great deal about them from a distance, by just watching, night after night, week after week... I loved that flunky job. Maybe it provided me more benefits than I ever knew! Thank you, Cee! I think you're on to something there!
Ay Diesel T Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Night Club relationships don't seem to be a great idea lol. Lots of risks.
Highness Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 It's kind of ridiculous to assume that every person you meet at a night club is looking for a quick fling. Some people like to go just because they enjoy the music and love to dance. There are plenty of good people that have an active night life. Hell yes! I love going out till all hours as it's a great stress reliever and I have craploads of fun. It's certainly more entertaining than, say, hanging out at a book store of coffee shop. I am not just out to 'hook up' and I think it's pretty obvious when you see those who are. But each to their own. I've had two long term relationships and met both guys while out after 3am at a seedy dive bar. Both were professionals and not into one night stands. The r'ships were great and after we met we continued to go out wreaking havoc when the occasion called for it. Anyway, you can't tar all clubbers with the same brush. Just trust your gut.
Cee Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Wow! I hadn't even thought about it until I read those words. I worked at the nightclub where I met my wife. You'd be surprised how much you can learn about a person by just watching them in social situations, and in working in a nightclub, I got to watch LOTS. Looking back on it, all the girls I was interested in from the nightclub were pretty darn good fits for me. I think there is a reason for that: I got to know a great deal about them from a distance, by just watching, night after night, week after week... I loved that flunky job. Maybe it provided me more benefits than I ever knew! Thank you, Cee! I think you're on to something there! Yeah, I don't think many casual clubbers realize that there is a global music scene rather than individual clubs. The music scene is international and people talk on message boards and travel to festivals. If somebody wants to meet cool people in clubs, they've got to get to know the DJs, the promoters, and the staff. Also, many clubbers don't understand the concept of residency too well. Resident DJs have their friends and fans show up, so it's a good idea to be a regular at certain parties. That way, you can get to know people over time rather than making a play that will likely fail. When I go to certain clubs I know maybe 30 people. And we all introduce everybody around. It's like a private party in a club. That's the way to really meet people in clubs. I've actually dated a little bit that way. Although, I'm 15 years older than most of the DJs and their entourage so I usually stay hands off.
Author conehead Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 Thanks for replies everyone. Well, my gut feeling is that he is sincere and I don't think he lied about moving away...since he talked alot about his new business that night and even sent me a link to it....he seemed really excited about it. That being said, I don't know what his intentions are. If he's moving away in a month but still wants to hang out with me, it appears he's looking for nothing more than a fling. Seeing valentines day is next sunday, i'd love to have a date on that special day, but not with someone who is only temporary. I've known people who had relationships from meeting at bars, but somehow a club is different. I guess the clubbing environment has louder, more raunchy music and people just dance in such raunchy fashion...that it's almost pure breeding ground for hookups only 99% of the time. I guess I won't bet on that 1%....
Anela Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 My wife and I met in a nightclub. We've been happily married 30 years. I've never seen the grass greener on the other side. Yeah, they had nightclubs back then. We wore animal skins, used torches to light the place, and for music we had to beat sticks on stones, but we danced and had fun anyway. Now where'd I leave my dentures? LOL. This made me smile - especially the first part. It's so nice to hear of genuinely happy couples.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I have met tons of guys at nightclubs. I met my ex boyfriend at one when I was 19, we were together 2 1/2 years. He did the whole "sweet and charming" bit and he was not a player at all, he was actually a virgin when we met. He had a TON of emotional/psychological issues that I did not know about until later into our relationship. The other guys I met at clubs just basically wanted a hook up, nothing more. I remember sleeping at this one guy's house because I was very drunk and I got seperated from my friend. We did not sleep together (as in sex or even sleep in the same bed), but the next day after I went home he said he didn't remember what I looked like. My thoughts would be that meeting guys at clubs is not a good idea. Most are players and/or have issues, which is why they have to go to dance clubs to pick up women. This guy may seem legit, who knows? I personally would not persue the relationship because he is moving away. It's possible he could want a fling or maybe more, but considering he is moving then a relationship probably woudln't be in the cards anyway. I'm sure there may be so good guys who frequent clubs, I have just had negative experiences myself.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 This also applies to men as well. You'd do best NOT to try and pick up a serious relationship at the club. Perfect example is a previous poster mentioning that she's met "tons" of guys at night clubs. Lol, noooo buenoooooo!
Lauriebell82 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 This also applies to men as well. You'd do best NOT to try and pick up a serious relationship at the club. Perfect example is a previous poster mentioning that she's met "tons" of guys at night clubs. Lol, noooo buenoooooo! Well, if you are referring to me, I didn't mean I'd hooked up with tons of guys. I just met them, danced with them, sometimes would give them my number but nothing would ever happen because they were players. I went clubbing for a boyfriend, not random hookups. That was a huge mistake.
Hopeful30 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I've met 2 of my boyfriends at clubs. Honestly, they were great guys who treated me like a princess. Maybe it's just me, but ive met most guys in clubs and none of them were douchebags. Maybe i'm lucky and attract the good ones hehe Maybe the difference between me and your friend is that when I go to clubs, I dont go to meet guys, I go to dance and enjoy myself and being with my friends. If your friend goes to look for guys, they can probably sense it so the nasty ones who sense this desperation are the ones who fling to her.
dispatch3d Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Douchebags will always be very prominant for guys who hit on you at bars. And the guys who are super drunk. The "douchebags" are the ones who are overly confident because... well... they are egoistic morons hahaha. Ahh I am hating too much. I'm sure the business guy is legit. It takes a lot of skills to be able to open your own business, and they are kind of similar to being able to talk to some random girl at the bar. I think you are jumping to conclusions though with all guys who hit on girls at bars are douchebags and its an awful place to look for a boyfriend. I go to the bar all the time, I think I'm a pretty good guy ... as an example! Though I don't usually hit on girls. This is kind of jumping to conclusions+an overgeneralization. Stay away from those! I think they are called cognitive bias' but I'm not sure. I read over them recently because I know someone whose going to a behavioral cognitive psychologist. Ah! I meant to call them bros. My bad.
Author conehead Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 Maybe the difference between me and your friend is that when I go to clubs, I dont go to meet guys, I go to dance and enjoy myself and being with my friends. If your friend goes to look for guys, they can probably sense it so the nasty ones who sense this desperation are the ones who fling to her. That's exactly what I was thinking!! I talked to my friend yesterday and she said that both guys hasn't contacted her yet since Saturday night. Honestly, I think the fact that she is so desperate to meet a guy (any guy!) at a club that she comes off as unattractive and thus only meet the douchebags. I'm further frustrated by the fact that she used to enjoy other activities such hiking/movies but now when I ask her to do those things she's not interested and she's only interested in going to places where she can meet guys. Like you, I really only went to the club because my friend wanted to go and when I got there I was just drinking/dancing/talking with our other girlfriend (there were 3 of us girls on Sat night) mostly and just enjoying the music and the ambiance of the place. A few guys came up to me but I didnt enjoy talking to them and I'd just kinda talk to them for a minute then find an excuse to leave lol. Then out of the blue and unexpectedly, this guy with the business comes up to me and he was totally sober and he just very politely introduces himself to me. He was very sweet/respectful and I really liked that. Furthermore, I think he approached me because I wasn't looking for a guy that night, I was just there to have fun.
Emilia Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 the guys are not douchebags for not calling her. the rate that your friend gets calls from guys that ask for her number will depend on how pretty she is
Author conehead Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 I think you are jumping to conclusions though with all guys who hit on girls at bars are douchebags and its an awful place to look for a boyfriend. I go to the bar all the time, I think I'm a pretty good guy ... as an example! Though I don't usually hit on girls. T Well, I don' think ALL guys at clubs are douches (note i also said previously bars are slighly better places than clubs when it comes to meeting guys), but A MAJORITY of them are! lol I'm sure you are a nice guy but then you say you don't approach girls at bars/clubs...hence the problem!! lol The nice guys rarely approach girls...usually only the douches do
Author conehead Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 the guys are not douchebags for not calling her. the rate that your friend gets calls from guys that ask for her number will depend on how pretty she is hahhaahah well my friend is definitely very very pretty....potentially is the prettiest looks-wise out of us 3 girls.
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