bigklydesdale Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I have been married to my wife since 2006 and we have 3 children together. Throughout our relationship and marriage we have hurt each other in various ways. Recently we moved to another state and she started seeing an old boyfriend whom she has lots of history with. Now, at first I told her I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of them talking so much and hanging out, but who am I to force her. Long story short, she has been pursuing a relationship with him and she wants me to move out while she discovers herself and what she wants. I am in the process of moving out, but close by so I can still be with my children. I don't want to leave and I am only in hopes that if I leave she will miss me and want me back. I am tremendously scared that I will lose her as she is the only woman I have ever loved. The last few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster and I don't really have anyone to talk to about the situaution, or at least anyone with some rationale and intelligence that could offer me a break from myself and how I think of it all. I can and will detail more if you want, but I wanted to get the gist out there and the ball rolling.
30Years Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 (edited) If she wants to discover herself, she should be the one moving out, not you. Stay in the house. You two need either marriage counseling or lawyers. I think those are the only choices you two have. Edited February 8, 2011 by 30Years
Quiet Storm Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Since she is the one that wants to break the marriage vows, she should move out. In many states, you moving out could be considered "abandonement". Don't let her have her cake and eat it, too. If she wants cake, she should have to make sacrifices. Like moving out. Why should you have to sacrifice time with your kids, because she wants to play? Stand your ground. Let your kids see that you are for "the family". She is for "herself". You have more power than you think.
cerridwen Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 (edited) I agree with both the above posters! But, is that even what you're asking? I'm not clear on what insight we can give beyond that. Perhaps you're moving because HER moving out would cause big problems with caring for the children? If that could be remedied though, insist that she move. I know you're scared to lose her. Yet, a man one can push over is not very attractive. If you could provide more details as to her personality and your situation, it might help 1) readers guess how she would react to YOU turning the tables and asking for her to leave 2) answer your follow-up question (s). Edited February 8, 2011 by cerridwen
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I have been married to my wife since 2006 and we have 3 children together. Throughout our relationship and marriage we have hurt each other in various ways. Recently we moved to another state and she started seeing an old boyfriend whom she has lots of history with. Now, at first I told her I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of them talking so much and hanging out, but who am I to force her. Long story short, she has been pursuing a relationship with him and she wants me to move out while she discovers herself and what she wants. I am in the process of moving out, but close by so I can still be with my children. I don't want to leave and I am only in hopes that if I leave she will miss me and want me back. I am tremendously scared that I will lose her as she is the only woman I have ever loved. The last few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster and I don't really have anyone to talk to about the situaution, or at least anyone with some rationale and intelligence that could offer me a break from myself and how I think of it all. I can and will detail more if you want, but I wanted to get the gist out there and the ball rolling. Unpack your bags and tell your wife to packs her. Sorry but if she wants to be selfish and go 'explore' feelings and a relatioship with an ex, SHE can move out and leave the kids with you. Get tough and stand up to her. Sorry that you're hurting. She's not the woman you married and fell in love with. Right now she's in an affair fog and has blinders on. Keep posting!
Lauriebell82 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Now, at first I told her I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of them talking so much and hanging out, but who am I to force her. Umm, you are her husband... You have a say in your wife pursuing a relationship with an ex!!! That is so disrespectful of her to do that to you and to betray your marriage. And she sound definately be the one to move out if she needs to "find herself." She is probably trying out the "grass is always greener" metaphor. This guy is an ex for a reason, my guess is that when things go south with him, she'll come crawling back to you. It sounds like you are a bit of a pushover when it comes to her, and taking her back (if that's what you plan to do) will just reinforce the fact that she can take advantage of your neediness. Set some boundaries here. If she wants to find herself then fine, but make it clear that you will NOT be her back up. I am very sorry you are hurting. You deserve better then this woman.
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