sanchez Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Hi there, just think I nedd some advice really, my wife and I have been married for 14 years, and she has a daughter who is now 25 years old. For the first couple of years of marrage, we both argued on a regular basis, and after a while we decided to visit a relate councilor, who helped up to work through our problems, and we managed to get on a 'even keel' after 6 months or so. I accept that before this, I was an absolute pig to live with mainly through drinking and arguing, but never once have I been unfaithfull. Basically IMO for the past 11 years I have been in a farce of a marrage, even though we both love each other very much, but never once was the subject of having a child was discussed, this in its own has really really burnt up inside of me, but every time I mentioned it, all that I got was 'well, if you'd have been different in the beginning, then we would have had children by now'. This really winds me up, because nobody can ever turn the clock back, If i could, I would... ...Anyways. Life at home of late has become like im walking on eggshells again, we rarely sleep together, and my wife just seems totally emotionless. A family friend got married last year, and last week tod my wife that He was going to be a father, to which I replied 'well thats something that Ill neve do isnt it', to whicch she went off sulking. For me this was enough, I have suffered this internal heartach now for ages and told her exactly how I Felt, to which came the reply...'well if you had been different early on in the marrage, things would have been different...which just persecutes me. All las night I couldnt sleep for crying ect, and have come to a point where i need to sort something out, as its absolutly ruling my life..Everytime we go shopping and I see baby clothes it starts me off, knowing that ill never have to buy any. Christmas is absolute hell. I forgot to mention at the beginning that im 39 years old and my wife is 42, she says she way too hold now and If i want children we should divorce and move on...whic again is more turmoil because I love her, but obviously cant carry on as I am.... ...What do I do????
GorillaTheater Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 A tough situation, even if you and your wife had a good marriage. But you don't, at all. I love kids, have a bunch of them and the last one was born when my wife was 41. But I can't get behind bringing a child into such a disfunctional situation. You barely have a marriage, man. I think you need to give all your attention and energy on either healing your marriage or going your separate ways.
Duckduckgoose Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Gorilla done said it. Bringing a kid into the mix as it is won't make things better. If she agrees to a kid but doesn't want a biological one maybe consider adoption. After you've sorted out the marriage issues that is.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 It doesn't sound like you have a very functional marriage, bringing a child into it certainly won't cut down on problems, if anything your problems will multiply. Do you think that having a child will improve your marriage or make it more fullfilling?
Questionis Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Divorce her, spend oodles of time on yourself and maybe start looking round for someone who will show you some respect?
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