ljpaterson Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Here is my original story if anybody cares. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t262345/ So, I contacted him after 2 1/2 weeks of complete NC with him. It was an email. The email basically told him that I was sorry, and that I learned a lot of things since he broke up with me. I asked for another shot at our relationship. He said "I'm sorry, but I am not ready to get back together." in his reply email. He said he still wanted to be friends. When he had left, he took one of my stuffed animals with that he had bought me. And in his email, he said that he would be willing to return it at some point if I wanted it. We got on msn messenger shortly after that, and I asked if he wanted to bring the stuffed animal "Shaymin" to my house on Sunday. And then I said "Don't be offended if I give Shaymin back to you when you leave, because you never know when a girl might want her Shaymin back." He said "Hehe, I understand." (Meaning that when he leaves, it will give me a reason to see him again if I give it back to him.) SO, last night rolls around, and my ex shows up. He handed me Shaymin, and we hugged for a long time when he was here. He started crying a little when we hugged. Then we went and sat on the couch and we talked about our lives since he left. Nothing too serious. We laughed and joked and watched tv, it seemed like things were doing great. I started to cuddle with him and I told him I had missed him. He started crying a little again, and he said that he had missed me too. Eventually while we were cuddling, he kissed me. And then he really started crying. Tears were pouring down his face and they got on mine. He was wiping the tears off of the both of our faces. It was really sad... but I didn't understand why he was crying, since he was the one who broke up with me. So finally, after what I thought was a great night, he says that he better get going. I didn't want to be clingy or anything, so I said "okay." I REALLY didn't want him to leave though... I had missed him so much. So he goes to hug me goodbye, and he hugs me for the longest time. About ten minutes, and the whole time he hugs me he is crying REALLY hard. I could tell that his head was in a different place, because he almost forgot his phone when he left. He didn't tell me when he would see me again, but I grabbed the stuffed animal and said "Don't forget Shaymin." He took the stuffed animal and then he left... I could tell he didn't want to leave, but I didn't ask him to stay either. I didn't want to pressure him into anything, so the whole time he was here, while he was crying I just kept saying 'It's okay..." I was smiling almost the whole time, just because I was so happy to see him. I didn't talk about our relationship or anything, and either did he. I couldn't help but text him after he left. I said that I was worried about him, and that I missed him already, and that I hope he made it back home okay. He never texted me back.... and now I am extremely confused. Why was he crying? What are his intentions? Why hasn't he texted me back? Should I text him? Why would he break up with me and then come back and lay with me and kiss me, and be crying the whole time? This one has me stumped... it really does.
depplover_1980 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Sorry to be harsh but whatever confusion you've got has been brought on by yourself. He's crying because he loves you and it sounds like he was having a final goodbye with you, but I could be wrong. Just leave him be for now and go back to being strong.
Movingthrough Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 This is kind of like the million dollar question on here and i have thought the same thing too. How can someone love you, cry over you, have feelings for you but not be with you? Everyone reasons are different but i think its very possible. You can have strong feelings for someone but know that for whatever reason it isnt going to workout. If i was you, i would take it as somewhat a compliment. Very few people on here have their ex crying for them even if it was his doing. Look at it like something that wasnt meant to be right now but there is no doubt that when it was something that the feelings were there.
flow15 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 (edited) I'm sorry, but I wouldn't read too much into it. My ex broke up with me in August and we saw eachother for the first time since in November, and he cried too. Its only because he loved me, but couldn't be with me. Your ex obviously loves you, and maybe being with you just reminded him of the two of you together, if he wanted you back he would have said. Maybe it was just a final good bye. It is so horrible though, I still don't understand it now... how my ex can say he loves me, cry to me.. yet still not want to be with me! Edited February 7, 2011 by flow15
Author ljpaterson Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 I know what you guys are saying, but it just doesn't make sense to me either. Why would he come over if he knew things weren't going to work out? Why would he drag me along like this? He KNOWS I want to get back together. So he can kiss me, cry, hug me, hold me, and then just leave without telling me when he's going to see me again? By the way, he texted me back. He said he didn't reply last night because his phone was off on the charger. He said that he had a fun time and he was glad to just see me again. He also said thank you for inviting him over. I really want him back so I'm thinking that I'm going to give him a month or two to show him that I've changed, and if he doesn't want me after he sees the changes that I've made, then I will continue NC again. I just want to give him this one final shot. Obviously he still loves me and I have a chance if he said that he isn't "ready" to get back together. Maybe he is just testing me to see if I have really changed. I don't know. But I can't just quit. I have to keep trying!
depplover_1980 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 If you look at the stages of a break up you will see you are currently in the denial phase. Eventually you'll pass through it. Do not allow him to get this close to hurt you again please.
cerridwen Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 (edited) If you look at the stages of a break up you will see you are currently in the denial phase. Eventually you'll pass through it. Cosign. Your subsequent posts, OP, seem pretty steeped in denial. Understandable! It's painful to experience an ending! I went through denial too! My ex cried and mourned deeply after he dumped me. It's still hurtful for him at times. Yet, he does not want me back. Don't get it twisted. Both of you seem like extremely sweet people. It would be terrible if this got ugly. Crying and a willingness to see you don't indicate he regrets his decision. They just illustrate he cared deeply for you. His actions of not returning are pretty loud and clear. Try to get a handle during this denial phase so you don't do anything that ultimately damages even your friendship I wish you peace. (And Shaymin is an adorable name). Edited February 7, 2011 by cerridwen
flow15 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I know what you guys are saying, but it just doesn't make sense to me either. Why would he come over if he knew things weren't going to work out? Why would he drag me along like this? He KNOWS I want to get back together. So he can kiss me, cry, hug me, hold me, and then just leave without telling me when he's going to see me again? I know exactly how you feel. Like I said, my ex ended it in august... yet up untill 2 weeks ago, hes been telling me he loves me, seeing me, sleeping with me, crying to me, telling me he misses me..... yet he still doesnt want a relationship! It finally ended 2 weeks ago cos i couldnt handle this anymore, him dragging me for so long... so he said we should try again, we did for one day, and he said he couldnt be in a relationship. so now its finally over. and i realised, no matter how much he loves me (or says he loves me) or cares for me, he just doesnt want a relationship with me. And you have to accept that with your ex.
gator12 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Yea basically, I mean even dumpers are human beings. He feels some level of remore for the loss of the relationship but there is no point in reading into it. Right now going into NC and healing is your best bet. If he comes back he will do it because he WANTS too, if not you will be healed, either way you win. The thing is you need to not reach out to any crumbs he will send you along the way. Anything except a voicemail saying he wants to get back together is not worth replying too. Right now you need to go into NC and heal, the only place to go from here is up. things always get better -Gator
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