Ay Diesel T Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Background info on the situation: A year and a half ago I met this lovely woman in McDonald's. We exchange numbers, and kept reasonable communication up. We would mention dates, but never actually set something up, and at the time, I was just getting over a pretty big break up with my ex - so a relationship wasn't something in the list of priorities at the time. Even then, with her, I noticed that I'd always be the one making the effort/push for a date. She always remained nonchalant about it, type "whatever I'm down for it" kind of girl. Eventually I got impatient and ended up deleting her number. A couple months down the line we ended up getting back into contact with each other, same story, ended the same way. This time, I deleted her off of my facebook friends. Now, a couple weeks ago she re-added me on facebook. I jokingly wrote on her wall "you again?", she replied " fine..". This got me thinking, so we talked, exchanged numbers. Since then I've already brought up coffee or sushi, as it's been a year and a half since I managed to approach her. She agreed in the same fashion she always does "Yeah sounds nice...". A couple days ago, while texting with her, she told me she was busy and that she'd get back to me - never did. Took note of it, waited about 5 days, then initiated contact with her again. Same non-chalant fashion, but rather with making conversation this time. Eventually she didn't return a text, and I left it alone. What's up? Should I just drop this girl like a hot potato? Done it before but we always manage to get back into contact. She's extremely busy with school, that much I know..but why the whatever attitude about a date? If that's the case, why bother even giving me your number and re-adding me on facebook?
tigressA Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Did you ever say, "Hey, let's do ____ on ____ at ____?" If you never set up a concrete date and time, that could be why she's so "whatever" about it. Try doing that if you haven't already. Otherwise, I'm inclined to think she's using you for an ego stroke. She's only contacting you because she knows you'll respond and she likes the attention.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 Did you ever say, "Hey, let's do ____ on ____ at ____?" If you never set up a concrete date and time, that could be why she's so "whatever" about it. Try doing that if you haven't already. Otherwise, I'm inclined to think she's using you for an ego stroke. She's only contacting you because she knows you'll respond and she likes the attention. No. I know she's busy so I've been cautious I don't want to appear needy/clingy. I plan on setting a date this week. We talked yesterday (when she stopped texting). Good idea to wait until Tuesday to set a date? Trying to space out the days of contact.
tigressA Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 No. I know she's busy so I've been cautious I don't want to appear needy/clingy. I plan on setting a date this week. We talked yesterday (when she stopped texting). Good idea to wait until Tuesday to set a date? Trying to space out the days of contact. No wonder she's not interested. You should've taken control of the situation and said, "I want to take you to ____ on _____ at _____. You up for it?" Instead you've just been pussyfooting around with setups that aren't really setups out of fear of appearing needy. WTF is needy about setting up a specific plan for a date? Man up, come up with a plan, tell her. If she says yes and you two go out, awesome! If she says yes and then flakes out later, ditch her. If she says no and doesn't volunteer another time, ditch her. If she gets wishy-washy about it/hesitates, ditch her. Just do it already so you'll know what's up and you won't waste any more of your time.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 No wonder she's not interested. You should've taken control of the situation and said, "I want to take you to ____ on _____ at _____. You up for it?" Instead you've just been pussyfooting around with setups that aren't really setups out of fear of appearing needy. WTF is needy about setting up a specific plan for a date? Man up, come up with a plan, tell her. If she says yes and you two go out, awesome! If she says yes and then flakes out later, ditch her. If she says no and doesn't volunteer another time, ditch her. If she gets wishy-washy about it/hesitates, ditch her. Just do it already so you'll know what's up and you won't waste any more of your time. Jesus Christ okay!
dispatch3d Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 hahaha so if I use strong language you'll just do whatever I say? Meh that was interesting. Interested to see if you just end up bickering back and forth with girls again. I'm surprised you posted at all. I was going to say why don't you ask her why she's so nonchallant about everything? Kinda seems obvious but whatever. If she's busy she probably doesn't want a whole lot of drama associated with the date. 3 2 1 fight!
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 No strong language won't get me to do whatever you wish dispatch3d lol. But Tigressa is right, can't see why I didn't notice that myself. :S Tigressa's got a strong opinion, that's sexy in a woman lol. So her post kind of made me laugh and made me a bit hot-n-bothered if you will. Yaaaaaow!
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 No wonder she's not interested. You should've taken control of the situation and said, "I want to take you to ____ on _____ at _____. You up for it?" Instead you've just been pussyfooting around with setups that aren't really setups out of fear of appearing needy. WTF is needy about setting up a specific plan for a date? Man up, come up with a plan, tell her. If she says yes and you two go out, awesome! If she says yes and then flakes out later, ditch her. If she says no and doesn't volunteer another time, ditch her. If she gets wishy-washy about it/hesitates, ditch her. Just do it already so you'll know what's up and you won't waste any more of your time. So I decided to see what's up. I asked her what she was doing Fri/Sat around 8-9pm. Her response? Her: Hey, well I'm supposed to watch my niece on Friday night for my brother but I'm not sure yet, and Saturday night I'm going out for my friends birthday. Me: Hmm, what about Sunday around dinner time? Her: Um not really sure yet Me: Well if anything keep me posted if your schedule is that uncertain. Her: Yeah okay. I realize it is Monday, so it would be hard to say when and what for the weekend you know? But it looks like lack of interest from my side. Think I'm going to leave it alone from here, let her take the initiative. If not, then can't really say I'm losing out on anything.
tigressA Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 So I decided to see what's up. I asked her what she was doing Fri/Sat around 8-9pm. Her response? Her: Hey, well I'm supposed to watch my niece on Friday night for my brother but I'm not sure yet, and Saturday night I'm going out for my friends birthday. Me: Hmm, what about Sunday around dinner time? Her: Um not really sure yet Me: Well if anything keep me posted if your schedule is that uncertain. Her: Yeah okay. I realize it is Monday, so it would be hard to say when and what for the weekend you know? But it looks like lack of interest from my side. Think I'm going to leave it alone from here, let her take the initiative. If not, then can't really say I'm losing out on anything. She's not interested. It's even more obvious now. Leave her to her attention-whoring ways and find someone who will not leave you questioning her interest in you. She's a lost cause.
Star Gazer Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Next time you're interested in a woman, don't pussyfoot around. Just ask her out for a concrete day and time, and you won't waste all the time you did with this chick.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 Alright, so she's ejected. Sucks to, she's a hottie.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 A quick inquiry, but what spawns this kind of behavior in a woman? And, as a guy, how can I prevent being the target of this behavior? It's happened more than once :S. What about a man would make women want to use him as an ego boost?
dispatch3d Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Have you not used people for validation before? Quick shots of ego boosts? Just wondering if you've ever flirted with a girl to see if they were interested, etc. I'm not sure why, it's called the "validation crackpipe". I read an article a couple days about it. I think I googled tyler durden, got to bristol's lair, then there was an article in there somewhere. I know I know it's pickup jargon. But the article wasn't on some weird routine or anything, so chill .
LittleTiger Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 A quick inquiry, but what spawns this kind of behavior in a woman? And, as a guy, how can I prevent being the target of this behavior? It's happened more than once :S. What about a man would make women want to use him as an ego boost? Good grief, you're transparent! I do hope nobody falls for that one. You expect women to fall at your feet because of your apparent good looks, so this one has you intrigued because she's not interested. I bet she's really intelligent too isn't she? From what you've said on other threads, you 'play' woman all the time and this one's just returning the favour. She can see right through you. How do you stop it happening? You treat women with respect. Simple.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 Good grief, you're transparent! I do hope nobody falls for that one. You expect women to fall at your feet because of your apparent good looks, so this one has you intrigued because she's not interested. I bet she's really intelligent too isn't she? From what you've said on other threads, you 'play' woman all the time and this one's just returning the favour. She can see right through you. How do you stop it happening? You treat women with respect. Simple. When are you going to stop following me and harassing me over this? You're like my #1 fan. 1. No I don't expect women to fall at my feet (where did I say this? How are you deriving this from what I have said?). I just don't expect to be treated like an average guy (wrong to feel this way?) Not demanding different treatment, just from what I've experienced, it's more than likely for a woman to be a little more flirty with me, all smiles, etc. etc..kind of how a good looking woman would expect a guy to be a certain way with her from her past encounters with other men. Expect really is the wrong word cause it makes it sound like that's what I demand from them, and it's not. Guess 'more than likely' will have to work, just woke up. :S 2. I treat my women with respect. (when and where have I implied the opposite?) 3. I don't play women, what's the point?
zengirl Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Ay Diesel T, people have pointed out posts you've made that point out attitudes that are disrespectful towards women, and what LittleTiger is saying is that quality women (you know, women who don't give a **** about ego strokes) don't date men who think/say/do these things. Yes, EVEN think. If you think what you are thinking is not transparent to people, I'd suggest you think again. Not all women will see right through you, but all the best ones will. As for this girl, it's silly. Of course she's not interested. She's not going on a date with you = she's not interested. As for how to avoid this situation, well it's a combination of 1. Become a better person so better women like you. 2. Ask a girl out directly, know what you want, and state it, and accept any non-direct answer as a "no." (If someone does not answer a direct ask-out with a direct answer, they're looking for a way to say no or not available enough, and it will get flaky and pointless.) Number 2 will keep you from wasting time, but I don't think you'll meet better women or get better overall results --- which always seems to be your complaint --- without Number 1. There are too many good men out there for the truly quality women to bother with people who have double standards in regards to sex, use lax and unclear communication with women, don't know what they want, won't hang out with a girl two days in a row because that's too needy, and find women disposable (when one leaves, you just get another)----all things you've professed in various threads here. While all the women you meet haven't read those threads, I promise you the quality, smart, attractive women who are in demand can read you like a book.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 (edited) Ay Diesel T, people have pointed out posts you've made that point out attitudes that are disrespectful towards women, and what LittleTiger is saying is that quality women (you know, women who don't give a **** about ego strokes) don't date men who think/say/do these things. Yes, EVEN think. If you think what you are thinking is not transparent to people, I'd suggest you think again. Not all women will see right through you, but all the best ones will. As for this girl, it's silly. Of course she's not interested. She's not going on a date with you = she's not interested. As for how to avoid this situation, well it's a combination of 1. Become a better person so better women like you. 2. Ask a girl out directly, know what you want, and state it, and accept any non-direct answer as a "no." (If someone does not answer a direct ask-out with a direct answer, they're looking for a way to say no or not available enough, and it will get flaky and pointless.) Number 2 will keep you from wasting time, but I don't think you'll meet better women or get better overall results --- which always seems to be your complaint --- without Number 1. There are too many good men out there for the truly quality women to bother with people who have double standards in regards to sex, use lax and unclear communication with women, don't know what they want, won't hang out with a girl two days in a row because that's too needy, and find women disposable (when one leaves, you just get another)----all things you've professed in various threads here. While all the women you meet haven't read those threads, I promise you the quality, smart, attractive women who are in demand can read you like a book. These all sound like personal issues with yourself. Things that YOU prefer. I've asked multiple women, you know, people that don't ONLY exist to me on a message board about these things you just addressed, and they see nothing wrong with it. 1. I don't see women as disposable, but if a woman walks out of my life, I will get a new one. That isn't a crime, it's called "on to the next one". Get over it. What do you expect me to do? Beat myself up over some chick who doesn't see me fit to be with? Jesus christ. Tigressa's "multi-dating" journal is all about disposable men, and you're not hounding her. Get real woman. You just hate to see a man with the upper hand in the dating game that a young woman so readily exploits on a day to day basis. 2. Double standards in regards to sex? In order for it to be a double standard it'd have to be an even playing field, but it isn't - as both situations are very different. So no, in my eyes it isn't a double standard. Men and women are not one in the same, and the gender attraction/sex game is very different in between the two. 3. Lax and unclear communication? I made everything cut and clear with the women I've brought up in posts on this board. Lax and unclear to you is pretty cut and dry to a good amount of people I've surveyed IRL, as in, not on this ridiculously miserable board. 4. Two days in a row too needy? Of course in regards to that particular women. She is needy. And I know exactly what she's trying to do, that's why I put space in between us. No need to rush things when we've got time. Just because I didn't jump and do what she asked doesn't automatically make me less of a person. Last but not least, leave other posts by me, out of this topic of discussion, as they are irrelevant to the question being asked. I asked you how to avoid women who just want an ego stroke. I didn't ask you for your personal opinion of me. I already know what your personal opinion of me is, and it's far from fact. Become a better person...pfft - get the ---- out of here with that. Edited February 8, 2011 by Ay Diesel T
LittleTiger Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 (edited) When are you going to stop following me and harassing me over this? You're like my #1 fan. Trust me Ay Diesel, your #1 fan I am NOT......but I post on your threads because I believe, if you listened to women like myself and Zengirl, you might actually learn something about yourself - isn't that why you're here? Maybe you'll even find the answer to your recurring question which, in case you haven't noticed, is 'why do women behave like this around me?' As though it's the women who are at fault. You've posted the same thread twice in different guises. What you really should be asking is 'what did I do wrong?' and 'how can I change so this doesn't happen again?' If you have a recurring problem with women, you are the common denominator, not them. 1. No I don't expect women to fall at my feet (where did I say this? How are you deriving this from what I have said Here: I hardly chase them, and keep the compliments few..because in the back of my mind, I know that if I want a woman, all I have to do is go out and get one. When there's a relationship in it's beginning stages with a woman, they tend to get insecure with me. They'll tell me things like "you must have all the women after you" or "you seem like a playboy", things of that sort. I'm a straight forward guy, and like mentioned before, pretty laid back when it comes to women because I know where I stand amongst other men...and my apparent level of attraction with women. Obviously, nowhere does it say they are actually 'falling at your feet' but the implication is very clear. 2. I treat my women with respect. (when and where have I implied the opposite?) Do you really want me to repost, yet again, the misogynistic post you wrote in the recent porn thread? Oh, and the way you interacted with the woman in your ******** thread - that wasn't respectful. 3. I don't play women, what's the point? Your entire ******** thread suggests otherwise. I believe the point is to get NSA sex without having to be up-front about your intentions - other than that I have no idea! Edited February 8, 2011 by LittleTiger
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 Trust me Ay Diesel, your #1 fan I am NOT......but I post on your threads because I believe, if you listened to women like myself and Zengirl, you might actually learn something about yourself - isn't that why you're here? Maybe you'll even find the answer to your recurring question which, in case you haven't noticed, is 'why do women behave like this around me?' As though it's the women who are at fault. You've posted the same thread twice in different guises. What you really should be asking is 'what did I do wrong?' and 'how can I change so this doesn't happen again?' If you have a recurring problem with women, you are the common denominator, not them. Here: Obviously, nowhere does it say they are actually 'falling at your feet' but the implication is very clear. Do you really want me to repost, yet again, the misogynistic post you wrote in the recent porn thread? Oh, and the way you interacted with the woman in your ******** thread - that wasn't respectful. You entire ******** thread suggests otherwise. It's hard to take advice because both you and Zengirl's posts are biased as hell. You two tell me I'm some ******* player that needs to change his ways. I can't take advice when your general opinion of me isn't even true. So what do you suggest YOU and Zengirl can do here to change the situation (as far as me taking your advice seriously goes)? Because we're just going to go back and forth. Older women love me. And they constantly tell me I'm a sweetheart and a gentleman. So what's up?
carhill Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 In this instance, IMO, continuing to take the initiative after the first ' "whatever I'm down for it" ', without substantive action by her to validate that, was counter-productive. Some people continue upon this path, collecting ego strokes, for their whole lives, even when married, simply because it costs little and is easy to effect. As your attractiveness to women gives you a lot of options, make the most of them with women who not only find you attractive but act in a positive manner on that attraction. I second musemaj11's "Attention whore alert." Such Hoover's will suck anything they can out of you. Nowadays they don't even need to change bags
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 In this instance, IMO, continuing to take the initiative after the first ' "whatever I'm down for it" ', without substantive action by her to validate that, was counter-productive. Some people continue upon this path, collecting ego strokes, for their whole lives, even when married, simply because it costs little and is easy to effect. As your attractiveness to women gives you a lot of options, make the most of them with women who not only find you attractive but act in a positive manner on that attraction. I second musemaj11's "Attention whore alert." Such Hoover's will suck anything they can out of you. Nowadays they don't even need to change bags God Carhill if you weren't an older dude I'd kiss you right now. Thank you! Especially for the advice in bold font. What do you propose is the reason why some women act on my level of attractiveness in a negative fashion? Side Note - Today after leaving my lab I got to chit chat with a very beautiful but older (old enough to be my mother) woman from Romania. She's a lab mate of mine, and occassionally I'll catch her copping a feel on my arms. She'll grab them when talking to me, or place her hand on my back when I'm bent over scribbling down notes (I thoroughly enjoy it as she doesn't go overboard with it, just quick subtle motions). She's a married woman with two daughters a couple years younger than I. But she has so much confidence, confidence that you'd only see in an older woman. We got into the topic of me being single, as she brought up me having a GF I told her I didn't. Her advice was that I need to play hard to get, because I can afford to. She said I was too pretty (her words not mine) to be chasing after women, and that it would really get women going if I did small things like wink at them, smile at them, open the door for them, on a regular basis. She said when a guy like me goes in for the kill, younger women will just insecure and believe that I do that to any and every girl, like a player would. I argued that I'm single though, how else am I supposed to attract a woman? Every woman is a bit of a stretch, but every woman that catches my eye I'll definitely approach and try my luck. Does this make me a player? What's wrong with that?
SmileFace Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 For every thing one person does : There will be someone who finds it wrong I see nothing wrong with your approach, yes I really don't care. What I see wrong is that you are asking for opinions on what you are doing wrong. But you are turning around and saying " What's wrong with that? ". You really need to stop doubting yourself. If you are looking for help. Then fine take what people saying with a grain of salt. Yet all you keep doing is fighting the same people but continue to ask for advice.
LittleTiger Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 It's hard to take advice because both you and Zengirl's posts are biased as hell. You two tell me I'm some ******* player that needs to change his ways. I can't take advice when your general opinion of me isn't even true. So what do you suggest YOU and Zengirl can do here to change the situation (as far as me taking your advice seriously goes)? Because we're just going to go back and forth. Older women love me. And they constantly tell me I'm a sweetheart and a gentleman. So what's up? Ay Diesel, you are right, Zengirl and I do have a biased opinion of you. It's based on everything you have written on these boards. You come across as being disrepectful to women and, in my opinion, somewhat aggressive when faced with an opinion you don't want to hear. If there's another side to you - perhaps the gentleman you keep talking about - then lets see it. No 'gentleman' I know would have written anything even resembling some of your posts. I'm always prepared to admit that I'm wrong though so keep posting and I'll keep reading. Zengirl and I are both in happy relationships. You're the one who's asking for advice. If you ask for advice on an open forum you have to accept that sometimes you won't like what people say. Older women love you do they? Older women are just as susceptible to a 'charming player' as younger women........but you don't present yourself here as 'charming'. Oh and by the way - I'm an older woman too - been there, done that, worn the t-shirt ............. and all I'm doing is trying to help.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 For every thing one person does : There will be someone who finds it wrong I see nothing wrong with your approach, yes I really don't care. What I see wrong is that you are asking for opinions on what you are doing wrong. But you are turning around and saying " What's wrong with that? ". You really need to stop doubting yourself. If you are looking for help. Then fine take what people saying with a grain of salt. Yet all you keep doing is fighting the same people but continue to ask for advice. Agreed. :cool: <- Ten characters.
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