Capricciosa Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 The smallest contact (from him, not me) and I'm an anxious mess again. I managed to have an ok weekend. Had something to do every day with friends, saw a movie, went ice skating on Sunday, then Sunday evening, I noticed that he responded to something I posted on FB--a little video that has nothing to do with anything. I thought I was clear that I didn't want any communication for the month he needed "off." So is this just his little reminder to me that he exists? Is it even really communication? You can see how screwed up I am about all of this still. It made me expect and email or a phone call, it put me in the waiting line again. I don't want to be there, but my emotions are all riled up again. I know it means nothing, though I insist on analyzing it as if it were an important sign. I feel messed up and sad and I wish everything had been different. I guess I really have been counting on the out of sight out of mind component of NC. Not that he hasn't been on my mind, but I have been trying hard to move ahead with the myriad of things I have to do to keep my life in order. Even worse I see now is that he didn't end it completely, but left that month long door open, so that keeps me on the hook, whether I want to be or not. I'm focussing on the problems, but part of me misses him and is still attached and I guess I'm unclear about what I would do at the end of this month off if he came back. I don't want to hear that he doesn't want me back, and I'm not sure I would want to go back given a few of the things that have become clearer to me since we've been apart. I'm just rambling--I have no definite answers. Why can't he just keep to himself if that's what he wanted?
0hpenelope Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I'd be such a mess too, if I were in your situation.
Cee Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Sometimes NC means ensuring the ex can't contact you. To go NC with my ex, I had to change my phone number twice. Then I had to stop hanging with mutual friends or going to places he frequented. He tried to Facebook me and I immediately blocked him. Then I moved and then I was finally free. I suggest you unfriend him and block his phone number so he can't text/call you.
sammyd Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Sometimes NC means ensuring the ex can't contact you. I suggest you unfriend him and block his phone number so he can't text/call you. Ditto. If you don't want him to contact you, block him.
Author Capricciosa Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 I immediately hid him from my newsfeed, but I didn't block him because we are technically on a break--though I do question the truth of that. I am not trying to keep a horrible person from my life--I've done that in the past--just trying to grant and take distance. I'm playing by the rules--I'm surprised that he's not. I see it as the old ploy of keeping me on the hook in case I was forgetting about him, but maybe it's absolutely nothing. I'm trying to take care of myself, get on with my life, but I'm still pretty depressed about the whole break (break-up).
stopthemadness Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Wanta know what ive learned on this site? A break means BREAKUP. Its just a nice way of letting us go. My ex did that to me too. In July he wanted a "break" by Oct he said he met a women and wanted to start dating her. It didnt work out with her but hes on to the next one. He told me hes meeting people he knew before on Facebook. Whatever! Point is..On a break means Breakup....................
J0N Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Yes. When you breakup and it has been determined that it is final, you must go out of your way to ensure that NC is kept. NO, Zilch, Zero, Nada, Contact. You may have to change your phone number, hang out with new people, de-friend/block on FB. You may have to go out of your way to do this like I did. I had to stop going to my favorite bar, stop using Facebook for four months, and stop talking to some mutual friends for a while, I now go out of my way to make sure that I don't even drive by her anymore. This may not be nearly as severe for most people but it is what it took for me to succeed. The only problem is if you hear ANYTHING about your ex it hurts (so just ask your friends to just keep you out of the loop if they see/ hear anything). A few weeks ago I heard about how some friends went with my ex to a hockey game and it really bothered me for some reason, i guess it was the thought of her having fun without me. I don't know. However with enough time and NC, you will heal and be able to look at the relationship for what it was and truly move on.
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