BF is aggressive when drunk

[Hurt_and_Stuck]

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and a half. We get along great most of the time, with the normal ups and downs of relationships. When we first started dating, he used to drink a lot. That toned down and hasn't been a problem again until recently.

 

We went out with a couple of friends the other night to a bar, and we all drank quite a bit. We got into an argument and he said he was going to the car to get something and clear his head. Meanwhile, I stayed back with one of my friends and with someone who was primarily his friend. We have had some problems with his friend recently, as he has been badmouthing me and my boyfriend to our other mutual friends and lately, it has been getting back to us. We got on that topic of conversation, and his friend started going off. He was going off on a rant, speaking relatively loud for the quiet, outside restaurant we were at, and repeatedly saying "F you" to me. He also started talking badly about my boyfriend, about me, and about us as a couple.

 

My boyfriend considers this guy his best friend. They have been through a lot together but recently, things have just changed. He has been getting worse and worse with the things he says about my bf and who he says them to. My bf has been upset over this for the past couple of months, and every time he tries to talk to his friend about it, he says everything is fine. Yet, every time we meet with our other friends, they repeat what he has been saying about us.

 

Well, to make a long story short (or shorter, anyway), my bf called while I was listening to this heated rant from his friend and I turned my phone on, so he could listen to what was going on. He was listening the whole time and because of what I could only say was an alcohol-induced, drunken, irrational reaction, punched his friend in the face. He fell down and two random guys ended up pulling him off him and hurt my boyfriend pretty bad because of it. They were not aware he was on the phone, and it just looked like someone walked up to this guy and blindsided him.

 

I guess part of me is thankful that he stood up for me, but the other, bigger part, really dislikes the violent way he did it. He has never physically hurt me or anything like that, but should I consider this a warning flag?? What if that had been me?? I am very confused right now and very unsure of everything. I love him and we hve been discussing a future together, but I want things to be right. Our more embarassing fights have been caused because of alcohol and yesterday I gave him an ultimatum- alcohol or me. I can't deal with something like that happening again. He said that if he had to choose, that of course he would choose me. We're not as young as this post would suggest. He's 30 and I'm 26. I feel like this is an issue that I should be having if I was still in college, and not at this point in my life. I am so confused about everything and about his actions. He is very sorry about it and has tried to apologize to his friend, but he won't hear it. I know he feels bad about it and I am trying to take that into consideration, but his behavior really did scare me.

 

Does anyone have any insight or been through something similar? Should I be worried or could this just be an isolated incident?? I would appreciate any help/ words of wisdom.

Edited February 7, 2011 by Hurt_and_Stuck

[GorillaTheater]

I'm a 48-year-old professional, but if another man told my wife "f*ck you!" (even once, let alone repeatedly), it's quite likely he'd be picking himself off of the pavement as well whether I had been drinking or not.

 

You know this guy, I don't, and maybe he does have a problem with alcohol. But no, this incident doesn't raise a flag for me. I take it back, there is one: your bf's attempts to apologize to his "friend" after the fact.