daphne Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 About 4 months ago, a guy I had briefly spoken with online friended me on fb but never asked me out. I noticed he had just broken up with someone and I wasn't interested in being a rebound. About another month later, he asked me to play tennis. I was sick for a long time and wasn't able to and then forgot. Fast forward to last month. A little over a month after he tried to see if we could get together. He's MARRIED. So while he was planning his nuptials, guy was checking everything else out so he could make a decision. I'm glad I was sick. Plus, he was loaded up with tattoos and that's not my thing. I can't believe the things I see online. First creepy sex profile guy, now this. And this poor girl probably think she's landed a catch. It honestly would not surprise me if he tried to contact me again. I wonder if my expectations for non selfish, non creepy guys are completely out of wack with current day society.
carhill Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Think about which kind of people do get attention and which kind seemingly should get attention and match those up for health. Interesting, isn't it? Having had a decent share of the reverse (gender), at least they generally aren't aggressive and threatening like some of these guys are. My sympathies... I guess one potential is to dwell more upon the good people one meets in life and give them the proactive attention and care that the unhealthy ones seem to always get. Takes a bit of work but is doable.
Author daphne Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 Think about which kind of people do get attention and which kind seemingly should get attention and match those up for health. Interesting, isn't it? Having had a decent share of the reverse (gender), at least they generally aren't aggressive and threatening like some of these guys are. My sympathies... I guess one potential is to dwell more upon the good people one meets in life and give them the proactive attention and care that the unhealthy ones seem to always get. Takes a bit of work but is doable. Very, very true. But right now, the guys that were healthy aren't in my life right now and it bums me out that I still have traces/ties to those that are just not so much. I couldn't get rid of the sex profile guy (and without the profile, he was a top 10 on teh website catch), yet the sweet & nerdy guy I dated can't be found. Nor the only other one that I could see myself in a relationship with. So yeah, if they were still around I'd be creating a thread about that. Nah. I'd be spending time with one of them. lol
Author daphne Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 Ok. Maybe here's one. I changed my profile to add that I'm looking for consistency and a guy who knows what he wants. That's subtle speak for, if you're going to flake on me for first dates, wait 3 weeks to meet me while you juggle other women, or have a lifetime membership to this dating site, please move to next profile. Thxkbai. And today a guy I overlooked because he was too young but super cute just saillantly pointed out that he's consistent and he knows what he wants and he wants to meet me pronto. LOL. So maybe I should focus on him and not engaged guy hedging his bets/sexprofile guys/guys who play games and flake out on first dates because they think looks mean something to me/guys who chase me like I was water in a dessert but dont' know what they really want. We'll see. I'm reserving opinion. But I must say that I like his moxy. But if he makes me pay for my own coffee, I'm coming back here to whine some more.
Nukulus Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Woo! Score one for the younger guys. Anyway, yes you should give him a chance! He may surprise you! At the very least he'd have to try very hard to compare to the other two guys you just mentioned! Hope he foots the bill for the coffee!
Jonno_S Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I wonder if my expectations for non selfish, non creepy guys are completely out of wack with current day society. I have long maintained that women are fighting a battle among themselves. And what I mean is that I do not think your expectations are abnormal at all, and if women would be a little more cohesive and not tolerate all sorts of BS, maybe men would straighten up a little and behave more respectfully.
mo mo Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Ok. Maybe here's one. I changed my profile to add that I'm looking for consistency and a guy who knows what he wants. That's subtle speak for, if you're going to flake on me for first dates, wait 3 weeks to meet me while you juggle other women, or have a lifetime membership to this dating site, please move to next profile. Thxkbai. And today a guy I overlooked because he was too young but super cute just saillantly pointed out that he's consistent and he knows what he wants and he wants to meet me pronto. LOL. So maybe I should focus on him and not engaged guy hedging his bets/sexprofile guys/guys who play games and flake out on first dates because they think looks mean something to me/guys who chase me like I was water in a dessert but dont' know what they really want. We'll see. I'm reserving opinion. But I must say that I like his moxy. But if he makes me pay for my own coffee, I'm coming back here to whine some more. So how's your hair daphne?
Author daphne Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 Woo! Score one for the younger guys. Anyway, yes you should give him a chance! He may surprise you! At the very least he'd have to try very hard to compare to the other two guys you just mentioned! Hope he foots the bill for the coffee! Yep. You never know. I guess I ruled out the youngins when chefboyardee stopped calling. The younger they are, the less they tend toknow what they want. But he doesn't have to work hard to leapfrog the sexprofileguy or the flakeonfirstdate guy.
Author daphne Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 I have long maintained that women are fighting a battle among themselves. And what I mean is that I do not think your expectations are abnormal at all, and if women would be a little more cohesive and not tolerate all sorts of BS, maybe men would straighten up a little and behave more respectfully. This is what I believe. Unfortunately, since a lot of women don't have integrity and take what they can get, I'm fighting the battle alone.
Author daphne Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 So how's your hair daphne? Smells really good and super soft, thank you. Now I'm trying to motivate myself to go work out. Warm weather is around the corner. Gotta be ready!
Cee Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I am so grateful to be done with online dating. My current dating partner wouldn't have come up a search because he's too young (15 years younger than me) and I would think he's too techy and hyper intelligent for me. But I didn't meet him online. We met through a social group. And he got my number and called me on the phone. Daphne, you've read my other thread so you know how I'm doing with him. Daphne, imagine if all your past boyfriends put up online profiles. Would you have given them a chance?
Author daphne Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 I am so grateful to be done with online dating. My current dating partner wouldn't have come up a search because he's too young (15 years younger than me) and I would think he's too techy and hyper intelligent for me. But I didn't meet him online. We met through a social group. And he got my number and called me on the phone. Daphne, you've read my other thread so you know how I'm doing with him. Daphne, imagine if all your past boyfriends put up online profiles. Would you have given them a chance? I probably would have given maybe 40% a chance, to be honest. There were a couple that were too young, that I would have written off. But we met out and saw each other and got to know each other and that made a difference. But to be honest, I wish I hadn't dated them. I prefer to look at dating about compatibility now and less about infatuation and chemistry. As long as there's a spark, laughter and fun I'm good. Wait, 15 years younger? lol. Get it! ps. btw "current dating partner" doesn't seem to fit the younger man situation. So I'm dubbing him Cee's boy toy from here on out.
dispatch3d Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Why must you obsess on the bad candidates rather than the potentials?
Jonno_S Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 (edited) Smells really good and super soft, thank you. Now I'm trying to motivate myself to go work out. Warm weather is around the corner. Gotta be ready! Can you kindly refrain from saying things like this? It's very distracting. Edited February 7, 2011 by Jonno_S
Author daphne Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 Why must you obsess on the bad candidates rather than the potentials? It's not obsessing. It's called BITCHING. I reserve the right to bitch about tacky guys acting in tacky ways.
Author daphne Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 Can you kindly refrain from saying things like this? It's very distracting. Which part? The hair part or the warm weather part? I fully intend to be ready for it. Vegas, then Italy. Can't WAIT.
catgotyourtongue Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Ok. Maybe here's one. I changed my profile to add that I'm looking for consistency and a guy who knows what he wants. That's subtle speak for, if you're going to flake on me for first dates, wait 3 weeks to meet me while you juggle other women, or have a lifetime membership to this dating site, please move to next profile. Thxkbai. And today a guy I overlooked because he was too young but super cute just saillantly pointed out that he's consistent and he knows what he wants and he wants to meet me pronto. LOL. So maybe I should focus on him and not engaged guy hedging his bets/sexprofile guys/guys who play games and flake out on first dates because they think looks mean something to me/guys who chase me like I was water in a dessert but dont' know what they really want. We'll see. I'm reserving opinion. But I must say that I like his moxy. But if he makes me pay for my own coffee, I'm coming back here to whine some more. good post, and lol re coming back here and whining. I like the way you re did your profile to state "I'm looking for consistency and a guy who knows what he wants." Think that is useful and a good message. Online dating will give you a nice landscape of the freaks and oddballs and some good men are out there two. I dated several men who became boyfriends from online dating, and they were high quality, great men and still good friends of mine, so it takes time and patience. lol. a lot. best of luck
Questionis Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 ...have turned into fishing grounds for married men and weirdos, try the old fashioned way, going to lots of social events, parties etc.
Author daphne Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 good post, and lol re coming back here and whining. I like the way you re did your profile to state "I'm looking for consistency and a guy who knows what he wants." Think that is useful and a good message. Online dating will give you a nice landscape of the freaks and oddballs and some good men are out there two. I dated several men who became boyfriends from online dating, and they were high quality, great men and still good friends of mine, so it takes time and patience. lol. a lot. best of luck I've had girlfriends who met their fiances and husbands online, so I had to keep an open mind. They say it takes time too and not to give up. But when you say it takes time and patience, HOW MUCH TIME? HOW MUCH PATIENCE?
Author daphne Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 ...have turned into fishing grounds for married men and weirdos, try the old fashioned way, going to lots of social events, parties etc. It's warming up and I fully intend on doing a lot of that too.
Jonno_S Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Which part? The hair part or the warm weather part? I fully intend to be ready for it. Vegas, then Italy. Can't WAIT. The hair, silly... Now Italy, there's a great country. Love it there.
Jonno_S Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 ...have turned into fishing grounds for married men and weirdos, try the old fashioned way, going to lots of social events, parties etc. As a reformed weirdo I respectfully disagree. It certainly can be, but so can public parks. I think both are places where we can meet people. Also volunteer work, cooking classes, language classes, etc.
catgotyourtongue Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I've had girlfriends who met their fiances and husbands online, so I had to keep an open mind. They say it takes time too and not to give up. But when you say it takes time and patience, HOW MUCH TIME? HOW MUCH PATIENCE? Hey there I just read your other thread and we have some things in common, same fears, experiences, commitment phobes, and especially the parts about when you are being nice and interested, guys vanish. When you are more aloof, they are knocking on your door so to speak. MAN I totally connected with your posts. Read a lot of them in that thread. Okay, so to be honest, my online dating experience was better many years ago. I only did it a few times, over the years. I would dip toe in the pool and then not go back into it for year or two. I'm very independent and very social, so while I sort of wanted to date and see what would happen, I was not dying to be in a relationship, but curious to see if I could date in a healthy way, and be less fearful and less commitment phobe. I would say that if I had 5 dates, two were decent. I mean two were connected, and real. Over the years, I long term dated one man, dated another three months, and another 3 or so months. I fell madly in love (first and only time in my life) with someone I met online as well, and we still talk and love eachother but it's complex and horribly painful. But I was serious (for me, lol) with several over time. The last time I online dated, about 2 years ago, I kept meeting oddballs, players, people who got drunk and left me at the bar, lol, and the list of bad dates goes on. So some were great, others not and some in between. I only dated one guy more than one date, and he was a great guy, I just did not feel passion, chemistry and we led very different lives. I did not want to lead him so broke it off eventually. BUT he was kind and sweet. My advice would be this! Screen, screen, screen. I don't jump into dates and I ask a lot of questions. I feel these guys out, ask questions if I have to, I am direct anyway. I google them, I ask questions in nice ways to get information and insight into who they are before I meet them. Sometimes it really helps, sometimes, it just is useless. I am careful, picky and still have had some masacres, lol, train wrecks and mishaps. I don't know how long you have been online dating, but it is a numbers game until you find someone you click with. Some are serial daters, some are just looking for fun, some are looking for love and commitment. It's just like life. BUT online dating does for sure, bring up the whole, who's next, fast dating, fast sexual expectations, and the grass is greener perception. So I think it does make dating harder in a way because people are often having multi dates and it puts everyone in odd spot . Women and men, both, usually have a few different dates, and sort of feel it out before commiting to one person, online, from my experience. It makes it easier to flake and harder to fall. Just my experience. I would say to take it easy, don't over date and just keep going out aimlessly with guys. Be selective, a little protective, but open. There are good, open people out there, you just have to sift through the crap and crazy to get the good. I started out lucky and good and ended up in the muck and dirt really the last time I did online stuff. So it's a matter of luck, chance to a degree and to a big degree, SELECTION and openess. Hugs and good luck, here if you want or need any support...
Author daphne Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 Hey there I just read your other thread and we have some things in common, same fears, experiences, commitment phobes, and especially the parts about when you are being nice and interested, guys vanish. When you are more aloof, they are knocking on your door so to speak. MAN I totally connected with your posts. Read a lot of them in that thread. Okay, so to be honest, my online dating experience was better many years ago. I only did it a few times, over the years. I would dip toe in the pool and then not go back into it for year or two. I'm very independent and very social, so while I sort of wanted to date and see what would happen, I was not dying to be in a relationship, but curious to see if I could date in a healthy way, and be less fearful and less commitment phobe. I would say that if I had 5 dates, two were decent. I mean two were connected, and real. Over the years, I long term dated one man, dated another three months, and another 3 or so months. I fell madly in love (first and only time in my life) with someone I met online as well, and we still talk and love eachother but it's complex and horribly painful. But I was serious (for me, lol) with several over time. The last time I online dated, about 2 years ago, I kept meeting oddballs, players, people who got drunk and left me at the bar, lol, and the list of bad dates goes on. So some were great, others not and some in between. I only dated one guy more than one date, and he was a great guy, I just did not feel passion, chemistry and we led very different lives. I did not want to lead him so broke it off eventually. BUT he was kind and sweet. My advice would be this! Screen, screen, screen. I don't jump into dates and I ask a lot of questions. I feel these guys out, ask questions if I have to, I am direct anyway. I google them, I ask questions in nice ways to get information and insight into who they are before I meet them. Sometimes it really helps, sometimes, it just is useless. I am careful, picky and still have had some masacres, lol, train wrecks and mishaps. I don't know how long you have been online dating, but it is a numbers game until you find someone you click with. Some are serial daters, some are just looking for fun, some are looking for love and commitment. It's just like life. BUT online dating does for sure, bring up the whole, who's next, fast dating, fast sexual expectations, and the grass is greener perception. So I think it does make dating harder in a way because people are often having multi dates and it puts everyone in odd spot . Women and men, both, usually have a few different dates, and sort of feel it out before commiting to one person, online, from my experience. It makes it easier to flake and harder to fall. Just my experience. I would say to take it easy, don't over date and just keep going out aimlessly with guys. Be selective, a little protective, but open. There are good, open people out there, you just have to sift through the crap and crazy to get the good. I started out lucky and good and ended up in the muck and dirt really the last time I did online stuff. So it's a matter of luck, chance to a degree and to a big degree, SELECTION and openess. Hugs and good luck, here if you want or need any support... Brilliant, insightful post Cat. Thanks so much for taking the time to tell me your experiences. I do think there's an "online effect" that does make it a bit more difficult to get something started. However, I'm starting to feel optimistic that it happened that way for a reason. If someone did lose interest so quickly or didn't have the courage to have a conversation, where would it end up anyway? Probably not in a great relationship. May as well wait it out for someone who really does know what he wants and is capable of having a good relationship. Very, very true about the reactions that I was talking about in my other thread. Had 2 of them int eh past 48 hours. 2 guys I had completely stopped talking to because of games have pestered the crap out of me. I had given up and moved on. One didn't let go from the beginning (last week), so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. The guy I've been trying to work out a date with for a month, he goes. I don't have time for that. I know what I have to offer, and I'm not settling for someone who doesn't get it. I'm definitely selective. However, when I canceled my profile they threw a ton of the best prospects (or so I thought) I had ever had at me at the same time. I have ruled out half of them due to flakey behavior. I realize we're all multi dating, but don't expect a woman to want to date you if you're initiating contact and then responding once or twice a week with the plan to meet up in a month. Pffft. I'm not doing that rotation. So I wonder what happened with teh "complex" guy. Why didn't that work out?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Creepy online guys Don'tcha know, the WWW would be nearly EMPTY were it not for Creepy Online Guys. The internet world evolves around them.
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