ugh. 2 years wasted?

[flitzanu]

i really need to type out the whole story here, just not adequate time right now.

 

after reading everything i suppose i fell into the trap most have.

 

two years of dating, we had the usual relationship struggles with jealousy, activities, friends, etc, and then in august she wrote a long email about how she wants to marry me, have children, the whole bit. basically her heart is totally into this, and needed assurance this is what i wanted.

 

now, same time we had a big fight that was really hard on both of us, nothing bad to the relationship like cheating or anything, just that i was selfish about my time that weekend while we were out of town and spent it with friends and not with her. she took it very personally, and i got defensive, and it just got worse from there.

 

that ended in "i can't do this anymore, i need time and i need a break to sort things out"

 

so...we didn't communicate much over the next couple weeks, and then she changed her status to "single" (i know, stupid to worry about that, right?) and i really took notice.

 

when i reached out after that, she'd become cold, and started telling me that we had broken up, and that there's no working on things, that she wants things to start "fresh" or something.

 

then days later she started telling me she does want to be with me, wants things to work out and wants us to work on friendship and get back on track.

 

then later again, she just starts pushing away from me, starts putting all her friends ahead of me, and basically that i never treated her right, i took advantage of the situation, etc, and started getting colder and colder.

 

then yet again, we hung out and started talking more, and this went back and forth until october, and we had a really good talk about things that she wanted us to work this out, that she wanted to get married only to me, and just needs space for us to work on our friendship slowly and build into a new better relationship.

 

then halloween comes, and she blows up at the end of the night. she told me i'm selfish, an ahole, that i'm never changing, that i smothered her, and that she's done and over with and that's it, never again.

 

and that was it. we talked a few times after, and she just had shut off and told me i "f'd her over" and she's not dealing with it anymore, too little too late, the whole thing.

 

no reconciliation and no REAL discussion of what exactly triggered that response other than "it just isn't going to work, you hurt me too bad".

 

so now, for nearly 6 months i've struggled with this, and i'm still heartbroken. she has seemed to have no problem moving on however.

 

there's been random contact throughout as well, phone calls and texts, but it always turns into her going cold and emotionless again, and how the past can't be changed, there's nothing to discuss, etc.

 

finally right before xmas i started true no contact, and there were a few slipups here and there on both sides, but nothing "sentimental" from her. and then during 2 weeks i got a text from her apologizing for "controlling me" and then she also contacted a friend of mine to ask how i was doing, and then emailed me to say AGAIN for the umpteenth time how we just weren't right and that's the truth, that i don't see it but it is, and how she cares about me and doesn't want me to hurt.

 

and then...i didn't get a text on my birthday but the next day, stating she "didn't realize the date" and wished me a happy birthday.

 

i just don't get it.

 

i know the obvious is SHE'S DONE and i need to cut her out and move on, but i just simply can't seem to do it. and the fact that she randomly contacts me as well doesn't help things, even though she's done nothing to "lead me on" in her contact.

 

i don't know if i'm looking for an answer really...just...wow. thoughts, input, observations welcome.

 

also for the record, she is only 23, has a 5 year old child, and i just turned 34.

[depplover_1980]

I am sorry but this girl is a bitch and you deserve better - she has been emotionally tormenting you, albeit not purposely but in a very selfish manner. She sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do and it scares me when children have children!!

 

You need to ignore her calls, delete her texts, there is no chance you would ever be back on an even footing unless she comes crawling back and apologising.

 

Also for the record there is nothing wrong with hanging out with your friends some weekends and not all women expect you to give it up. I would look for someone a little closer to your own age with similar attitudes to life.

[z00m25]

well im fairly certain that girls dont have souls, thats the only way they can be so emotionless im guessing. at least you got an apology out of her haha i just get accused and blamed for everything when i was the one that wanted to work on things. in the end tho theres not much you can do other than take it one day at a time and hope that tomorrows the day you get over her.

[coltsfan1]

@-zoom25, COLD BLOODED lol

 

In all seriousness woman and men are both able and willing to treat their serious other in horrible and terrible ways.

 

Flitzanu I am in a similiar situation as you my ex is 7 years younger than me. I think that when a younger girls meets and gets into a LTR with a older man that the woman have false expectations on how the man will behave. Sometimes the gal will think that when they are with an older man the man will not have certain issues that younger men have. But in reality all men have trust, self-esteem, and other issues that all people have. The best thing that you can do is leave her alone and move forward. She is no longer at a place in life that will fit into what you need. It sucks trust me, when I lost my ex of 4 yrs. I lost her son as well and he was 4 months when we got together.

 

just try your best to move forward with the knowledge that you gave it your best and she folded.

 

Good luck and keep us posted.

[flitzanu]

hehe thanks everyone.

 

at this point it just seems my mind and soul disconnected, and while i can understand i need to forget, it seems my heart and soul do not want to. it sucks.

 

and depplover, ironically you're not the first to suspect she's a bitch. there've been some pretty rough things done in this whole breakup for sure.

[depplover_1980]

Well some of us women are nice and can spot a bitch when we hear/see one!

 

Time and all that jazz but also learn to override emotion with your mind, it is possible but takes practice!

[marqueemoon4]

is that you in your avatar pic? I need that shirt.

[z00m25]

is that you in your avatar pic? I need that shirt.

THIS, where did you get it hahaha i also need it

[flitzanu]

yup thats me years ago, i found that shirt at like, Gordmans in 2005 also found "your girlfriend wants me". haha.