Perplexed81 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I wanna start out by saying, that yes, I'm drunk at this moment, but this is when usually my brain decides to be as rational and cold as it can be...so all my thoughts come out. With that being said, i'm not new, but not a veteran of this forum either. During the beginning of my breakup, I used this forum to heal myself, by reading other peoples problems over and over again. I would find myself at night being able to finally go to bed after reading atleast 10 or 15 threads. Slowly but surely, its been 4 months now, I can sleep normal, I work normal, I finally have my old friends back and life is at it should be. So what now? I've taken a look back at all of my relationships, i've read all the threads on here and I've come to the conclusion that all this relationship stuff is really just a gamble, actually.....a LONG SHOT. If you go to a casino, say for example blackjack, your putting up money, to win more money. You place a 10 dollar bet and you lose, ok, no biggie. However, with relationships, I've come to the conclusion that your basically betting your time on this earth each time you get into one. If you study the human being as a whole, when it comes down to it, no matter how much you love someone, how much money you have, no matter what, people WILL let you down 100% of the time. The only person on this earth you can trust, is yourself, becuase that's all you have. Its our human instinct to think that this is not true. Just becuase your in a great relationship now, doesn't mean that its gonna last forever. A relationship, in scientific terms, is basically a contract between you and another individual. You provide what the other individual needs and vice versa. When you start to slack or stop providing your end of the deal, the relationship (or contract) is broken, and the cycle begins again. THAT IN A NUTSHELL IS WHAT A RELATIONSHIP IS ALL ABOUT! Yes, they may love you, like you, care about you, and the list goes on. But beyond that, it doesn't have anything to do with the reason. Everyone is with someone becuase they "PROVIDE" them with what they want. If they find a better deal somewhere else, they will go to the better deal. Bottom line, we as human beings, are selfish creatures. We think about only ourselves when it comes down to it. You may say, "oh he's just bitter about his last relationship blah blah blah", but I am not bitter anymore. I think about things in simpler terms now. I'm all back to normal now and I can jump in another relationship and in a few years i'll be back to square one again, THAT IS JUST THE WAY IT GOES. My next relationship if I so choose to go into another one, may last longer, 5, 10, or 20 years, BUT! sooner or later, it will end and then what? I'm 60 years old and single. Sorry to let you guys down but love and relationships is all just big trade off that pays out like Bernie Madoff in the end. So take my advice, instead of wasting your time on this earth trying to find something that doesn't exist. Better yet, spend your time making some good life long friends instead. Anyways, those are just my 10 cents of info, i'm sure it'll be written off as a bunch of gibberish but its the truth.
enchantedbird Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Its always darkest before the dawn my friend. I hope that this moment is your darkest hour.
D78 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 In November, I got dumped after more than 11 years. The relationship failed, but it wasn't a failed relationship. 11 years of great, short period of suck. It was worth it, even though it's over now. Everything in life is a gamble. If you expect to lose, you will. Good friends let us down as much as SOs, we just don't take it as personally.
makelemonade1974 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 There's some truth in this. People and lovers pass in and out of your life. The only thing constant is change. Use the pain to make you stronger.
willpower Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I think the secret is to not let your life be defined by your SO. If you want to be able to survive going through break up's then you need to define your life by your own goals and not being loved by another person. I have freinds who cannot live one moment without feeling like they are disabled if they are not in a relationship - this must suck big time. Can people ever be happy together for a lifetime? I'm not sure on this, as has been said, people constantly change. I think those who are 'happy'for a lifetime are often the ones with few relationship options and settle for each other out of fear of loneliness. I do genuinely believe that sometimes people find their 'soul mate' - they meet at a point in their lives when 2 people are in the same place (spiritually) and are pointing in the same direction. In this particular case they have a shot of growing together and enjoying each other for a lifetime. TBH I've never been in a relationship where I have not had a doubt and not felt like leaving for someone else at one point or another, maybe thats a reflection on me rather than anything else but its probably also human nature (for boys anyway). No matter how rosy we may think it will be with someone the reality is usually a lot less pretty once you start living it.
fiat500 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 but the thing is no matter who you're with, sooner or later things start to get real and sometimes ugly. it's whether or not you decide to stick around and face reality and accept the person including every flaw they have or leave. everyone has flaws. even if you move onto someone else, you're always going to run into a kink, a problem, or a flaw. it's real life. it's relationships. one day your significant other isn't going to look so hot anymore. do you leave? well that's cool but you won't be looking as well as you used to either. should long term relationships not exist anymore?
Movingthrough Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Yes, they may love you, like you, care about you, and the list goes on. But beyond that, it doesn't have anything to do with the reason. Everyone is with someone becuase they "PROVIDE" them with what they want. If they find a better deal somewhere else, they will go to the better deal. Bottom line, we as human beings, are selfish creatures. We think about only ourselves when it comes down to it. I can honestly say this comment right here has been an issue i have had for years. I fully believe that people are going to go for what they THINK will make them happy (GIGS), so if someone else comes along that can do that, you may have a problem. BUT i also think that if as a man you are handling your business, the girl wont care about anyone else. Psychology says girls go for providers, so if you are providing then it should be ok. This comment above though has been a thorn in my side for a long time though and with how accepted it is nowadays to just move from person to person, it sucks more. I think the secret is to not let your life be defined by your SO Here is the flip side to that. If after a bad breakup you learn and really change yourself for next time and dont let your life be defined by someone else, you can avoid most issues. Problem is emotions take over and you cant really control it. The relationship failed, but it wasn't a failed relationship. 11 years of great, short period of suck. It was worth it, even though it's over now. Another great point. In reality, the time we are together is usually longer then the pain after, so techinically its worth it. I find myself sometimes thinking that the times i had were good and at that time it filled a void. So while it may hurt now, back then it was good, which is what matters. It can also leave you feeling like things are a waste though, which is what i battle. Another thing though is we usually go into things with a ton of red flags, because we want so badly to feel those good feelings again. If we actually waited for the right one and turned down the bad ones at the beginning, most of us wouldnt be on this site lol. I have learned that most of what happened to me was in someways my doing, not all my fault, but could have been prevented.
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