zackzane Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Me and my gf have been seeing each other for about 10 months now, she's 23, and I'm almost 27.. I once lived out on my own, but I got laid off, and decided I wanted a career change, so I moved home. She's never lived on her own. Obviously this makes things pretty difficult as far as ever being alone, we occasionally get the chance to be completely alone, but for neither of us is it ever enough. I think I'm almost financially capable of moving out, but only if I move out with someone. I also think she's nearly financially capable of moving out, but doesn't seem to think she'd be able to.. We've talked about moving in the past, and she's generally sounded all for it, its something we both seemed to always look forward to.. But I learned a few weeks ago that she doesn't actually want to move in with me yet. She says she's never had a chance to move out and live on her own, she's always been under her parents, and doesn't want to move in with the one person she thinks she wants to be with the rest of her life, she wants to live a little, and have fun with another friend or something before settling down. I suppose I can kind of accept that, but it puts me in an awkward position. I live with my parents, and we live in a small town about 10 minutes out of the city she lives in. Its a lot of driving for me to go to school or work every day, and I'd love nothing more than to be able to move out. Its currently what I want most in the world, and preferably it would be with her. I've considered finding roommates of my own, but I worry if I do that, I'm going to need to sign my way into a long term lease, and its going to be AT LEAST a year before I can live with her. That just seems to far off for me, half a year maybe would be doable. What should I do? Voice my concerns? let her do things the way she wants to? Find some sort of compromise? I can't even think clearly on what the best course of action is anymore. I'd appreciate your guys' input. Thanks!
lenny Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I think you should really get your own place (with or without roommates) at a location a little better for you - even if it is for a year (or more). It really sounds like both of you aren't financially healthy enough to get into this situation. Your 27 and really should be capable of taking care of yourself. I understand that sometimes sh*t happens that can set a person back but until your firmly on your feet, the finances could really put a strain on your relationship. I understand you want to spend some more quality time with your girl but why not do a few weekend trips for this? Having finances as a major factor to the decision of whether to live together is really a bad idea.
Author zackzane Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 Well, my main motivation for moving out IS because living outside of the city reeeeaaally sucks. Whether its with a roommate, or with her, my finances would be the same. But I also know how badly she wants to move out, because she has some problems with her parents and really needs to get out of that house. I've honestly been thinking I had the best solution of us moving out together, because heck, I get to move into the city, she gets to move out of the house, and we'd get to live together which is something we'd talked about for a while. But now that she mentions the whole 'doesn't want to live with me thing', that sort of puts both of us in an awkward situation, because I know she doesn't have the motivation to start getting things moving on her own, which means she'll end up staying at her parents place for a long time yet, and THEN she'll want to move out with a friend and THEN with me after that, which means I'm talking like, a year or two before I get to live with her. That's a really long time for me, considering I'd really like to live with her now.. I'm just not sure how best to go about it. Obviously it doesn't seem I'm going to get my way, and I've tried to help her get started on moving out with a friend, but she has no one to move in with atm, and not enough cash to go on her own. Sooo, yea, just not sure what to do atm.
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