califsb Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 what if you ask for a break before she break up with you.. What if you beat her to break up with you and say you need a time out and a break and for her to go figure her stuff out .. .. she cares for me but is stuck but wants to keep me around as a friend..she says she is not ready for a relationship "right now" but wants to be around me. we are super close and met eachother families.. but she got out of a bad relationship before she met me.. was super into me and now thinks she needs time since things got very serious with us pretty fast.
Eddie Edirol Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 You can do that, but if you REALLY want her to regret starting to see that other guy that she is looking at, you have to cut her off completely. Dont make it a break, make it a break up, and tell her she CANT call you. It will screw her up completely that you beat her to it, and if she cant talk to you at all, she will miss you terribly. Then you dont answer any of her calls or emails until she decides she wants to get back together. its 100% of you or nothing, no friends. Dont let her hang aroudn at all. Buttom line, something about you turned her off, and you have to make her sweat enough to come clean about what it is. But, if she is eyeing another guys, she wont come looking for you until he doesnt work out.
Author califsb Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 she is not seeing anyone else.. she got out of a r with a loser when she met me.. I did not giver her time to heal from this chump and she got very close to me and my friends.. she is telling my friends.. i just cant do this right now.. so i wrote her a letter and going to give it to her.. it says.. basically that i finally hear u..i care about u.. but u need time to figure this stuff out..
Eddie Edirol Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 she is not seeing anyone else.. she got out of a r with a loser when she met me.. I did not giver her time to heal from this chump and she got very close to me and my friends.. she is telling my friends.. i just cant do this right now.. so i wrote her a letter and going to give it to her.. it says.. basically that i finally hear u..i care about u.. but u need time to figure this stuff out.. Dont write her a letter, do it in person or over the phone. The letter is the most cowardly way to do it.
Author califsb Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 with u but the points i want to make in the letter can never come out n person or over the phone. plus she is the one who wants to dump me.. and is feeling bad about hurting me.. she has told my friends this. in person would be way to odd and uncomfy. Usually in the past i would stick around until it would get so bad and the girls there would be a huge fight.. i am taking the road out before and her little puppy is actually standing up for himself.. I said this to her .. this is part of my letter. My taking some time this week to myself really did me allot of good. I spent a good amount of time away from it all, thinking about our situation and understanding that a time-out from what we have is best for us both at this time. I realize that the best thing for us is to take a step back from our relationship and ease up on the seriousness of dating. It's important that you get over your past relationships before moving on to the next if there's any chance at it being successful. I dove into our relationship full-force and overwhelmed you in the process, not allowing you the time to heal from getting out of a troubling relationship, and rushing what needs to come naturally. I kept thinking, 'why let a bad relationship in the past ruin the possibility of a great relationship now.' The truth is, as you have tried explaining to me several times, you need time to find yourself before you could see yourself with someone else." I hoped that you could get over your past with me in the picture, forming our own connection, but it's now apparent that the timing was not right and you indeed need time to be free and live your own life before you can open your heart to anyone else. You know how I feel, ...that hasn't changed, but because of my feelings, I need to give you that space and time you need to find your feelings on your own terms.
darran Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 (edited) because mate... what you described is exactly what is happening to ME!!!!!!!! Only difference being I WAS THE CHUMP! I wasn't abusive or anything like that, just a right dick. We loved the life out of each other... so I wouldn't say we were always bad. But beware... ex's can exaggerate previous rels with "new" interests. She got with a guy shortly after getting out of the rel with me... she actually liked him but after 2-3 months she started getting cold feet and dumped him and the entire time she was with him she ALWAYS chatted with me. I am not saying this to try and hurt you but more to try and figure out if you were a rebound. A rebound is a rebound regardless of how well you treat the girl (or guy) and regardless of how "bad" it was for the person and whether or not the one rebounding goes back to the ex or NOT doesn't change much about the situation. That is a rebound is a band aid. Temporary fix. If you were then its highly likely she was getting from you what she didn't get from her ex. I am not saying your ex is doing what my ex did and is talking with her ex.... lol... such a mouthful. But more to keep an open eye and give more details of the breakup, the ex etc and the situation. Hope yer well anyway. Edited February 7, 2011 by darran
Author califsb Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 she wont go back to him.. for sure.. but i beat her to the punch and i told her.. i need a break.. i took control from her.. she wants me to be around and we can date as friends.. whatever the **** that means.. but is not ready to lose me entirlely.. so i said. u need time to figure it.. out .. then go.. i love u and want to be with u.. but if u are stuck i cant help u get unstuck..
darran Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 ok firstly.... do you know she has definitely not spoken with this ex? if he was a REAL ass and did s**t that warrants her to never go back then you can assume she wont. But believe me mate, I know a girl who got her arm broke by her ex and they now have a 2 year old child together and are VERY happy.... **** happens. Also the friends thing... don't do it... read posts all over here and you'll learn why. What you did was the best move. And if you are actually better for her I do hope that one day, without too much time, she can, as you say... move forward together SLOWLY and trust in starting a new relationship. But mate, I've had a few rebounders too and they all were like emotional rollercoasters and your head will quickly end up right up yer ass! You seem like a right decent bloke. I hope it goes well for you.
darran Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I wouldnt send anything.... leave it for a bit and let your friends filter stuff back... is that a good idea or would you rather chase her?
Author califsb Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 friends already told me she loves being around you and wants to be friends.. I send the letter..
Eddie Edirol Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 friends already told me she loves being around you and wants to be friends.. I send the letter.. I hope you dont plan on bieng friends with her?! Dont talk to her let her miss you big time. She wants to be friends so she can slowly wean herself off you. Dont let her do it. Cut her off!
Author califsb Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 I made it very clear in my letter.. no friends.. I took the bull by the horn and before she could via friends or me tell me she is not ready and just wants to be friends.. for now.. I fell empowered.. and leave the rest to god. She knows i am one of a kind and she is afraid of her own feelings and letting her past.. hurt her. She needs space and time.. well she has it now.. I treated her like god.. she loved certian aspects of being with me and dating me and choose those things and was totally into it and then there were other things she acted like we were not together..
Eddie Edirol Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 She knows i am one of a kind and she is afraid of her own feelings and letting her past.. hurt her. She needs space and time.. well she has it now. Dont get it twisted, if she told you this its bull. Shes not afraid of anything, she just wasnt into you enough to want to get fully attached to you, and she didnt. She was looking at someone else probably and is now, and wants to keep you on the backburner. Screw her.
Author califsb Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 Heal.... I made the right move.. please give me your thoughts. I want to marry this girl one day.. Good morning. This week actually seemed like the longest week ever. Other than work I pretty much kept to myself and tried to do some soul searching. I really feel awful about the way things were left between us last week. I feel like a little piece of me is missing and I wanted to reach out to you but I was respecting your request for time. I am so sorry that things have turned out this way. You are an amazing person and quickly become one of my best friends. There are so many good memories I have of the last few months. In some ways meeting you when I did was exactly what I needed and in others I really wish the timing was different. You gave me so much affection and generosity and I was constantly feeling sad and guilty that I could not give that back to you in return because you deserve everything! I have never met anyone like you that has such a tremendous impact on everyone’s life that you touch. You truly are a gift and although I wanted things to be different to suit my situation you should not change anything about you! How you are is what makes you so special and uniquely a wonderful person. I am happy you were able to spend some quality time with your mom this week. She is an amazing women and I am going to miss her as well. Please thank her and all of your friends for the kindness and acceptance they gave me. I really did enjoy all of them. I don’t know where things will go with me, I just know that being with someone like you right now is not fair to you. In one of the messages you left you said that maybe I am worried that I don’t deserve you and you are right. The way things are with me right now I don’t. I am not able to give what I am capable of giving in a relationship at this time and you deserve more. I am over the feelings from the past relationship but the scars and some of the anger is still there and for me time is the only thing I have found that is able to help me move on from that. You and I deal with things differently, for you relying on close friends and family for discussion and guidance helps and for me I tend to retreat to myself to try to find the answers within. I am truly sorry for the hurt I have caused you and I hope someday that you will forgive me. As far as the trip you should be the one to go with your friends. I don’t want you to have to give that up or put &^**&^ or anyone else in an awkward position. If HJGTT%^ wants to go I can sell her my ticket or I can discuss with group about selling it or getting a refund. Let me know. Now that miss tough girl is getting teary eyed at work I better go. I know I never really said it but I do care about you so much and love you in a special which is why I had to pull back. I did not want to see you get hurt anymore than I already did. Take care of yourself and continue to be the bright light of inspiration that you are to everyone you meet. I hope in time that we will be able to keep in contact on whatever level the universe sees fit.
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