gkaplan000 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 My wife and are in a trial separation as of last night. The house is in my name and our two kids live here with us. I told her that I am not leaving since this is my house. She agreed to spend less time here at night and be back in the morning so I can go to work. She just gets home tonight and plops down on the couch next to me but we are supposed to be so separated. I am so confused.
UofLCards Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Believe me. Those type of relationships/argeements whatever you want to call them never work. I speak on that from experience. Me and my SO lived under the same roof but were basically "split" for a long time. We also have 3 kids. It will only get worse in that kind of situation. If you know for sure that you are done, then just move out. Especially if you feel that things are getting worse and worse in the household.
carhill Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Since she's had at least two emotional affairs, I'd strongly suggest getting legal advice regarding your rights and responsibilities and then take proactive action to assert them. She's a nightmare just waiting to happen, IMO. Did you own the house before you were married?
robf1971 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I am not leaving since this is my house. . Good for you, do not leave YOUR house, it is weak and unnatractive to your wife. She wants out, she can leave,
Author gkaplan000 Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 We bought the house about 6 months after we got married, however the house is in just my name. So get this...we sat down to talk yesterday afternoon she told me that she doesn't know if she wants to save our marriage because I don't trust her. How can I trust her when she does stuff to make me not trust her. ( I will post a different post in what has happened recently). I told her that I want her to change some things about her. Such as she is a stay at home mom I feel the house should be kept better than she does ( cleaning the house better) the house is always a wreck and I help when I get home from work. But I do alot of house work after working for 12 hours. I also told her the needs to respect me more and if she respected me more by not talking to certain guys that i asked her not to I wouldn't be so insecure and jealous. So today I call her and let her know that we have a therapy appt. next Tuesday and she is good with that. I talked to her 3 times on the phone today and she keeps calling me honey and has been very pleasant on the phone and in a good mood. She also says she wants to save the marriage. I am so F ing confused on this situation. please help
Albertan Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Damn. I had the same speech about "trust" after I was unhappy and quite insecure about what I deemed "inappropriate" relationships with other men. Same as you, the house is only in my name and when we separated and we continued to live under the same roof; we also had good days and bad days where we chatted and argued. She started going out more and more and after just a couple of weeks was going out on dates. It was not a fun time. Without knowing more details there could be a couple of things going on here. One it could be the "I need more love and attention from you" scenario, where she is feeling disconnected and needs you to prove that you want this marriage and do love her. Organizing MC and talking to her about your feelings is definitely a good start if this is the issue. Another option though is she is screwing with your head, purposely or not. She may have already emotionally 'checked out' but is now maybe having some second thoughts or is looking to make rational conclusions from her own (irrational) thoughts. For instance, if things don't go well in MC then she can say to herself, "well I tried but he didn't so it's his fault and he doesn't trust me anyway". It may not be either of these things. What I will say to you though is do not move out! If she wants out then she needs to be the one to leave. The obvious problem is the kids and what happens with them. If she is a stay at home mom then what does she have for herself regarding finances? Everybody's situation is unique and you need to start looking at what the problems are in the marriage, from both perspectives and whether you both have the will and ability to overcome them.
Author gkaplan000 Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 I really hope she is not screwing with my head. She is so confused now because she loves me and wants our marriage to work out but she can't stand being in a relationship where there is no trust. She blames our rough marriage on my jealous and insecurities. I told her that if she didn't due things to make me feel that way we wouldn't have these issues. I give her plenty of love and attention so that's not it. So we will see what happens. I believe that if we can keep being nice to each other not argue will get this marriage back on track. The MC we are going to uses the EFT ( emotionally focused training ). It seems pretty cool. I will do anything to make this marriage work out and she is willing to go to MC so we will see what happens.
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