bestrong Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 My ex and I have broken up for almost 1.5 years, she has been contacting me through email every 2 months since October to see what I have been up to. We had a long chat online during Christmas and she knows where I am, in terms of my healing process. She and I both know we can't be friends as long as my feelings are there. I simply told her I respect her decision to start a new chapter of her life but she has to respect that I am trying to move on in my pace. She mentioned that she hopes to maintain things on the surface if we ever talk. I have no problem with that but the way she said it made me feel I am in an inferior position which doesn't occur among my friends and I. Anyway, life moves on and it was Chinese New Year a few days ago. It was a big thing and part of me was debating if I should send her an email. I sucked it up and enjoyed my time though my mind wandered off a bit from time to time. Then I got an email from her and I started thinking. I guess she thought about me when her family celebrated CNY, thus she sent me "hey, happy new year". A part of me was thrilled since she still thinks about me and I am not waiting for her response after wishing her a wonderul year of the rabbit. However, deep in my heart I know I don't want to be just friends and every contact from her makes me happy and sad at the same time. I am slowly accepting we aren't going to be together again since she is in US and I am in Asia, but the devil in me is still telling me there might be a chance. She is now dating and I don't feel too jealous. It hurts a little bit, but it can't compare to the pain of losing the connection and everything I had with her. I thinking I should be jealous cause I love her, but as long as she is happy, I shouldn't be jealous.... Gah!!!!!!!!!! I am going crazy.
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