annisha Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Hey there, Im fairly new to this board but you can find my original post here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t263725/ To cut a long story short, me and gf happy,happy,happy and in LDR for 6 months. GFs mother gets very sick (parkinsons disease), cant spend as much time together. Gone from 4 hours everyday down to 1 text a day.Her last text said "im cracking up" I understand this and tell her im there for her ect ect ect. Last week it becomes nothing. NC from SO for 5 days. I didnt bombard her with texts until the 5th day. I told her to please contact me , im worried. Go to bed, wake up no msg. Go to FB her friend has told me that she contacted her. So i know shes alive phew! However i felt very hurt and confused. I know she is a full-time carer for her mom (she lives next door to her mom) and so she has her hands full. However i was soooo worried bout her , i felt she couldve at least sent me a quick text telling me she was alright but stressed. Anyway she finally contacted me and said she doesnt want us to end, she just cant handle it right now.Understandable. Ive done all the right things, not bombarded her till it reached that breaking point, ive told her ill be there for her and she knows where to find me ect. Anyway that night i got online and ordered a single red rose for her, and a box of chocolates for herself and her Mom to enjoy. When she got them she texted saying she loves me and she will keep in contact more. I sent a smiley face text back. However its been 2 days and no text. My dillemma is this, and this is where i need abit of advice. Ive decided now not to contact her anymore and let her come to me when she feels ready. She knows where i am and she knows im here for her, i dont have to keep repeating that. I just feel its coming to a long slow grinding end. In my own mind im trying to move on and live my life again. I cant put it on hold anymore, crying, worrying, and staying inside my house hoping i get an online msg or text from her. Nothing was really resolved when she finally texted me except that shes not handling things. I didnt push her to talk about why she hasnt contacted me at all. I dont want to put pressure on her or else ill completely push her awy. Anyway if she hsnt contacted me by Friday ill know its over in my own heart. A relationship cant work one way can it? No, it cant. So i will move on when Friday comes along. Ill know its over, i stil wont contact her though. She wont need to tell me its over. It will be obvious. Am i being incredibly selfish? I have tried to be there for her but she doesnt seem to let me. It doesnt take a minute to text someone. I guess shes just exhausted mentally with her mom being so ill. But im getting exhausted mentally as well constantly worrying about her. One text a week i could even live with but not nothing. So what would you do if you were in my position? Btw excellent forum. Ive been reading obsessivly since all this began.
timchambo Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I think you need to at least communicate to her what your thinking. If friday were to come and no text, no way you could just move on. Sure you may feel it's over but it will put you in a bad spot not knowing what she's thinking. And it will only get worse with time. Try to get some communication somehow expressing what's on your mind. Sounds like she's going through a hard time just be supportive in the mean time.
Author annisha Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 Hey Tim Thanks for your reply but somehow i think deep down inside i know its over, and i almost dont have to know the reasons. I know she doesnt contact her friends much , shes never online now to check her FB (cant be certain of course) . If its over i know why, bc she just cant deal with any emotion while shes looking after her Mom. I also feel that she feels that shes being unfair on me. Yes it would be nice if she could actually contact me properly and explain what she is going through so we could both work on a resolution, but i feel thats not going to happen. Tbh i dont want to contact her because i dont want to put any additional pressure on her. Im very confused, and i guess i need to take it a day at time. What would others do in this situation? All input would be greatly appreciated
donovant91 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 If I were in your situation, I would keep myself busy but I wouldn't give up on her. She is dealing with a rough time and in relationships when one is the other is as well. The important thing is to be there for her unless she tells you not to be. She may need someone to help carry the weight at one point, and it would be a lot harder on her if she found she had no one else. Just be understanding, maybe leave her a text a day just to know that you're there for her and try to carry on with your life. If she wants you gone she will say so.
Author annisha Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 Thanks for that. Its tough for me in a way coz i dont really know what she is going through completely. In the last week its just been a couple of texts from her, and i wonder if her feelings have died for me because she is so consumed with her Mother. I wish she just had a little more communication because i feel we are going to drift apart otherwise. Being that its an LDR doesnt help. I would love to talk on the phone with her but she never answers and as i said i dont want to push it, she knows where i am if she needs me. I just miss her alot to but yes im trying to keep busy. Booked myself a holiday for next week staying with some friends, so that will keep my mind occupied.
Author annisha Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 I just have to ask one thing. How come you cant just text me just to say hi and that she loves me? It surely cant take that long can it? I know her Mom is ill, i totally understand this but wth is she pushing me away??? Its soooo frustrating. I thought your partner is the one you turn to. The last time we were on the phone i ws offereing guidance and advice and she said all of those were really good ideas. I dont know what the hell is changed, i wish i could get some answers but i dont want to hassle her grrrr
donovant91 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I just have to ask one thing. How come you cant just text me just to say hi and that she loves me? It surely cant take that long can it? I know her Mom is ill, i totally understand this but wth is she pushing me away??? Its soooo frustrating. I thought your partner is the one you turn to. The last time we were on the phone i ws offereing guidance and advice and she said all of those were really good ideas. I dont know what the hell is changed, i wish i could get some answers but i dont want to hassle her grrrr Yea, I don't know whether to take that as a red flag or if shes just really consumed with her mom or what. Everyone has different ways of dealing with grief, some people want to tell it to everyone they talk to and others just bottle it and keep it to themselves. I would just let her know often that you're there for her regardless, a true test of someones character is when things are rough. Just send her something everyday and let her know you're there for her, and if she is still not really responding or anything by the time you get back then you have a right to start pressuring her for answers.
Author annisha Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 Im seeing red flags constantly atm lol. I just didnt think she was the type to possibly break up with someone by being silent. Shes usually so straight forward and doesnt speak crap. Plus she knows someone else has done this to me before and how much it hurt me. So i cant beleive she could do the same thing back I sent a text msg earlier on asking how are you and your Mother, just a simple question and she hasnt replied. I sent it about 5 hours ago now " sighs" Part of me wants to end it now because i dont feel its fair on me what she is doing really. I feel like im walking on eggshells all the time. Ill stick it out, go away next week and just enjoy myself but i know part of me will be stressing to. And as you said if i havent heard anything by the end of 2 weeks ill just msg her and say " i have done all i can but i cant do all the work here, so seeyou around" One of her friends did tell me that she cant deal with stress very well, but i dont either. I wish she would just open up to me.
Trovador Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I find that behavior inexcusable, people who love each other don't ignore themselves, if they can't communicate right then, they apologize or explain as soon as they can, not because it's a duty or the right thing to do, they do it because they want to be in contact with the other... How difficult is to send a message? Save when they have nothing to tell you or they don't give a damn about you... of course, there are exceptions, but when it is a constant behavior one should take the hint... With due respect, do you want a woman like that? I wouldn't, that why, in part, my ex is that, an ex...
Author annisha Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 An update. Things are still preety much the same. She did finally contact me on Wednesday (a text msg) saying that shes been thinking about me, that her mom has gotten worse and she may have to give up work. I took this opportunity to call her up, she was at work at the time. I told her that i have missed her and she said "im sorry for all this" i said that its alright, that things must be really difficult for her at the moment. She replied by saying" its not alright, it really isnt alright" Then my signal dropped out lol Anyway with that conversation i told her that im going away on Tuesday and she wanted to know how long for. So i was expecting to hear from her again but i havent (its sunday now) Ive sent a couple of texts in that time just asking how she is and told her how id gone on a Parkinsons msg board for carers so i could understand more of wht she is going through. All of the carers on that board are extremly stressed out and most have had to go on anti-depressants. I do appreciate what she is going through but im not sure anymore if i can keep giving when i dont get any input from her at all. Its limbo land to the extreme for me. I really dont know what she wants from me anymore and i must admit im in alot of pain atm. I cant move on because we are still together, we havent broken up at all. Im still in her relationship status on FB for chrissakes!!!! Anyway im going to try and go NC for a little bit. Yesterday was the first day and im on my second day but i know its going to be rough. I really dont know what the right thing to do is.....HELP!!!! lol.
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