zengirl Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 (edited) FWIW, my BF has a fairly active sexual history from what I've heard. Which is funny because he's a shy (albeit cute) computer nerd, so it's unexpected by most people. There was a period of a little over a year where he engaged heavily in casual sex, including things like threesomes, etc. I've never asked the number in that year, but from when it's been alluded to, I'm sure it's high. However, one thing I have heard about it is that he was always open, honest, and respectful with the women he slept with (never lied about wanting a relationship, and made it very clear if he didn't, etc), which is what I care about. Other than that, I definitely don't want to hear much about it. And I'm sure he doesn't like to hear about my exes or the sex I've had in the past. When you love someone, that's pretty normal. At the point I met him, he hadn't had 'casual' sex in years and had no interest in it. People go through different phases and there are reasons they take different attitudes towards sex. Of course, we both got tested before becoming intimate, as I always would, if the number is anything higher than 0. This. But I'm just as concerned about too many, as too few. A guy who's in his late 20's who's only slept with 1-2 people would be a big problem for me, if I'm honest with myself. What if the guy had two long LTRs? Edited February 7, 2011 by zengirl
EasyHeart Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I have no idea how many women I've slept with during my life, and I don't really care for a "number" from any woman I date. I do care about her relationship history and her general attitude about sex. If sex is something she considers casual and meaningless, then she's not a person who is going to be compatible with me. I also think there's a statute of limitations of sex/dating history. I don't have an exact number, but I'd say anything more than 5 years ago is pretty meaningless. People change. I care about who she is NOW, not who she was years ago. But I'm just as concerned about too many, as too few. A guy who's in his late 20's who's only slept with 1-2 people would be a big problem for me, if I'm honest with myself.Sheesh! So a guy can't have "too many", but he also can't have "too few"? Is there anything these poor guys don't have to do exactly right?
bayouboi Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Exactly 4.768. Anything more than that and I gotta ask what made up the 0.232
GivenUp0083 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I'd also be concerned as to "why" they slept with the different people. If they were all legitimate people she met and had an emotional connection with then I'd be ok with a double digit number. If she had been with 20+ and claimed all of them to be emotional connections I'd question whether I was something special or just a fling to her. On the flip side, if she had sex just cuz she could with random dudes she met at a bar then that's not the girl for me either, there's nothing attractive about that and I'd guess she's more prone to infidelity if that's her lifestyle. My current gf and I haven't talked number and I don't really care to know but I can probably guess her number (I'm thinking like 5-7) considering she's pretty much been in back to back relationsihps since college and I know how many relationships she's had. She, however, really has no idea what mine is since I've had a mix of relationships and a recent long single for 4 years stint right before I met her. I think she believes I'm in the 20's but hasn't asked me or guessed, I'm really in the high teens, but I don't care to know what hers is and I hope she doesn't care to know what mine is. We have such a good thing going it doesn't even matter to me at this point if she's been with a 100 guys or none.
welikeincrowds Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I'm also interested in how people decide on a "high number," aka "a number higher than mine." People (me included!) judge that statistic as they do any other, based on how its presented and by their own limited experience (especially in this case, I mean how else would you?). And they usually don't realize how much they've volunteered into that interpretation. It's worth mentioning that it is only through that series of decisions, of past relationships and coincidences, that you two were brought together. That's not inherently good or bad, but it's enlightening to remember.
Gettingtired Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 The last girl I was with [22 year old student, just turned] lost her virginity at 17 and when I met her had slept with 40 guys, probably more. I think I remember her admitting she had self esteem issues, but a couple of stories she told me about her encounters were pretty bad. Like being wasted [most of the time/ONS] and waking up with some guy doing her anal style. Doing ski seasons in France and being with a different guy every week. As I got to know her and as the relationship crashed [she pretty much cheated on me, even though she said we weren't technically BG & GF. The "Talk", what a load of BS] I felt that sex really didn't mean a lot to her. She just laid there anyway and was pretty crap in the sack and had a vag like a wizards sleeve. It was just something to do. She'd had 2 8month relationships in that time and cheated on one of the guys. Total hood-rat, so glad to be shot of her.
Nexus One Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 This. But I'm just as concerned about too many, as too few. A guy who's in his late 20's who's only slept with 1-2 people would be a big problem for me, if I'm honest with myself. Could you elaborate on why you think that is a problem?
Ay Diesel T Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Couple of parameters for me to take in before I make a judgement call. 1. Her age 2. Amount of time in between partners 3. Double digits So say she's been with 10 guys but lost her virginity 2 years ago...that's 5 guys a year - too much for me. Say she's been with 10 guys, but she's 30 years old? That would be fine with me. I'm 22 years old, so any number in the double digits for a woman around my age would be too much for me. Someone mentioned it before, though not a deal breaker, I'd prefer it if a woman was only engaged in sex while in a committed relationship. A woman who sleeps around with men that don't romantically interest her screams less than classy for me (again, my preferences - not a universal law).
SmileFace Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Couple of parameters for me to take in before I make a judgement call. 1. Her age 2. Amount of time in between partners 3. Double digits So say she's been with 10 guys but lost her virginity 2 years ago...that's 5 guys a year - too much for me. Say she's been with 10 guys, but she's 30 years old? That would be fine with me. I'm 22 years old, so any number in the double digits for a woman around my age would be too much for me. Someone mentioned it before, though not a deal breaker, I'd prefer it if a woman was only engaged in sex while in a committed relationship. A woman who sleeps around with men that don't romantically interest her screams less than classy for me (again, my preferences - not a universal law). lol Don't you have a casual sex partner? So that means you have engaged in sex out of a relationship?
waynebrady Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 So it's okay so long as they reproduced last time? Yes, but I'm just out of highschool so women who already got a kid ain't intresting... at all.
tigressA Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 It's worth mentioning that it is only through that series of decisions, of past relationships and coincidences, that you two were brought together. That's not inherently good or bad, but it's enlightening to remember. I love this. Very good point. As for me, I don't care to know a guy's number. As other posters have said, I'd much rather know about his take on sex and relationships. If a guy asked me what my number was, I would straight-up tell him it's not important. If he's got a problem with that, he's not compatible with me.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I love this. Very good point. As for me, I don't care to know a guy's number. As other posters have said, I'd much rather know about his take on sex and relationships. If a guy asked me what my number was, I would straight-up tell him it's not important. If he's got a problem with that, he's not compatible with me. What is your number anyways? You've seen a ton of men in the matter of what? A couple months?
Toodamnpragmatic Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 way way way above mine, but that was through an early start and a wild period..... Has it ever bothered me after 25 years???? Not in the least in terms of #'s, though it may affect her view of sex (which she considers over-rated) andd what I consider a little muted (vanilla) sex life, as she has "been there, done that" and doesn't want to go back there in 99% of cases...... Also conversely I have no worries that she would cheat or think she is missing anything.....
tigressA Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 What is your number anyways? You've seen a ton of men in the matter of what? A couple months? Just because I've seen "a ton" of men in the last few months doesn't mean I slept with any of them. Haven't you heard of something called dating, where you go out with someone you like, have some nice conversation, and go home without having done any naughty touching?
Toodamnpragmatic Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Just because I've seen "a ton" of men in the last few months doesn't mean I slept with any of them. Haven't you heard of something called dating, where you go out with someone you like, have some nice conversation, and go home without having done any naughty touching? Seeing a "ton" of men and nothing sticking????? This is why I shake my head and am thankful not to date.
tigressA Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Seeing a "ton" of men and nothing sticking????? This is why I shake my head and am thankful not to date. "A ton" were Diesel's words, not mine.
sand26 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Um.... well, I lost count. So, that is the answer they get when they ask. And their imagination can find a number. I don't care how many partners a girl has had, I tend to like girls who are very sensual and not too conservative. I also live in Los Angeles where a number like 10 (partners) is very low for a guy in his late 20's early 30's and probably about average for a girl. here are some great stats. http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html
unixuser Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Seems like there's really no middle road with this one. Seems like the only women out there are ones that totally avoid sexual relationships (they claim all the time how they are sick of the creeps and perverted men). These women seem to live very boring and isolated lives. Or you get the emotional wrecks that have lots of sex partners but are pretty much insane. They're fun for a date or two, but afterwards you'll never hear from them again. Be nice if there was third option, but I have yet to see it.
Titania22 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 (edited) Seems like there's really no middle road with this one. Seems like the only women out there are ones that totally avoid sexual relationships (they claim all the time how they are sick of the creeps and perverted men). These women seem to live very boring and isolated lives. Or you get the emotional wrecks that have lots of sex partners but are pretty much insane. They're fun for a date or two, but afterwards you'll never hear from them again. Be nice if there was third option, but I have yet to see it. I wonder if there is a connection between NOT avoiding all the creeps and perverted men and insanity. Food for thought. I'd like to find a third option too. The only thing I have come up with so far is lesbianism. Personally I neither want to be insane, or give up on the possibility of a good sex life. Edited February 7, 2011 by Titania22 I wanted to add something.
depplover_1980 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Unixuser I am the middle of the road perhaps - had 2 committed and faithful relationships lasting 7 and 2 years, but I have also clocked up many casual encounters during my single phases. I have a liberal attitude to sex but I am very level headed and monogomous with the right man.
Stung Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I used to think this was important when I was a teenager, or in my early 20s. Now that I'm in my late 30s I know that it's more instructive to find out what relationships people have had and whether any of those were long ones and what sorts of things have caused relationships to end rather than worrying about how many people they had sex with. I would happily discuss my sexual history with a potential partner, but if all they want to know was "how many" then I might ask what they hoped to learn about me from just that. I'm also interested in how people decide on a "high number," aka "a number higher than mine." People (me included!) judge that statistic as they do any other, based on how its presented and by their own limited experience (especially in this case, I mean how else would you?). And they usually don't realize how much they've volunteered into that interpretation. It's worth mentioning that it is only through that series of decisions, of past relationships and coincidences, that you two were brought together. That's not inherently good or bad, but it's enlightening to remember. Agreed. I care about number only if it speaks to the attitude of a user or someone with poor self-esteem who took on a victim role in sexual interactions. I was thirty when I met my husband and he was thirty-five, we both expected the other to have a varied sexual history. For the record, I am a believer in honesty and transparency within serious relationships. Every time I have been asked for my "number" I have given it forthrightly. It has never been a problem, but then I tended not to date men who were extremely socially conservative, or who believed in sexual double standards. Seems like there's really no middle road with this one. Seems like the only women out there are ones that totally avoid sexual relationships (they claim all the time how they are sick of the creeps and perverted men). These women seem to live very boring and isolated lives. Or you get the emotional wrecks that have lots of sex partners but are pretty much insane. They're fun for a date or two, but afterwards you'll never hear from them again. Be nice if there was third option, but I have yet to see it. I have seen it numerous times.
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