tiger20 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 (edited) One of the reasons I think it's good to make the 1st date cheap is because the two of you don't know each other. You're total strangers. The 1st date is kind of checking each other out & trying to set an elementary foundation of whether or not the two of you are compatible. After the end of the date you might not like her or she might not like you for various reasons. No sense doing a 50$ dinner date when you don't even know anything about this person. Like I mentioned the other day this is especially important about the whole marriage & kids goals. It's important to get this stuff out on the table as early as possible in dating because for majority of people if one person wants kids & the other doesn't then it's an automatic deal-breaker. Same thing if one person wants marriage & the other doesn't. So why would you risk doing a 50$ dinner date when you may find out at the end of the date that this person's goals for a long term relationship don't match yours? 20 minutes into the first date there should be some discussion about goals for the future. You ask "do you see yourself getting married?" or "do you see yourself having kids?" If you find that their goals don't match yours then it's an automatic deal-breaker. He/she might be a great person with many good qualities to bring to a relationship otherwise but that doesn't matter if the two of you don't share the same goals on marriage & children. Therefore no sense going out on a 2nd date. Move on. By finding out this information on a first date you've saved yourself a lot of time, money, energy, heartache. If you went to starbucks you only spent 12-13 bucks & 35-45 minutes. Much better than spending hundreds of dollars on date after date for years only to find out later that their long term goals for the relationship didn't match yours. Don't throw gold on a sinking ship. If you do online dating you save even more time & money by being honest & upfront on your profile description. This way you don't even waste time on a 1st date with someone when you know beforehand their goals don't match yours. On my online dating profile I let women know upfront that "I have no interest in getting married at all in my future. I have no interest in having kids ever. However I would like to date a woman exclusively by seeing her twice a week for the rest of my life. If your goals match mine then let's meet up at a coffee shop or cafe & see what other connections we have". See how my dating system saves you precious time, money, energy, heartache? For the most part I believe in keeping conversations on the dates light, funny, no heavy subjects, no negatives, no put downs. But when it comes to the issue of marriage & kids then these issues have to be discussed as early as possible in dating just because of the fact that if two people don't share the same goals on these issues then everything else is moot. This issue is a heavy subject & therefore you shouldn't talk about it for more than 5 minutes. In cases when it's necessary to talk about heavy subjects don't spend an hour talking about it. 5 minutes tops! Nothing wrong with wanting kids or not wanting kids or wanting marriage or not wanting marriage & just wanting to date a woman twice a week until the end of time but it just means no compatibility. Edited February 7, 2011 by tiger20
D-Lish Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I'd never talk about having children on the first date- that's WAY too heavy!!! It would freak me out if a guy busted out that kind of heaviness initially- it would feel more like an interview than a date!
somedude81 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I completely agree with having a cheap first date. There really isn't any need to spend a lot of money early on. If a woman expected me spend a lot on her, then I'd expect a reward afterwards
Author tiger20 Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 I'd never talk about having children on the first date- that's WAY too heavy!!! It would freak me out if a guy busted out that kind of heaviness initially- it would feel more like an interview than a date! Well it depends on how he asks you. I'm not saying he should ask you in a personal way like "do you want to have kids together?" but rather "what are your long term goals? Do you have any prospects to get married & have kids someday?" The reason this issue has to be brought up early is to make sure both people's long term goals are compatible. If one person wants kids & the other doesn't want kids then there's no point trying to set up a 2nd date in spite of all their other amazingly great qualities that they might have. The kids thing will grow into a greater issue down the road if we try to sweep it under the rug until months or years later.
Author tiger20 Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 I completely agree with having a cheap first date. There really isn't any need to spend a lot of money early on. If a woman expected me spend a lot on her, then I'd expect a reward afterwards I know that the majority of women I ask out on dates will want marriage eventually. I know that I don't want to get married. There's a good chance I won't get a 2nd date anyway once they know where I stand on the marriage issue. So why take her out to an expensive place when odds are the marriage thing will be a deal-breaker? I feel much better spending 12-13 bucks at a coffee shop or cafe on the 1st date.
somedude81 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Regardless if one wants to get married or not, there is no need to spend a lot on the first date. Marriage and spending money on first dates are basically two different issues.
D-Lish Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I'd consider 50$ on the cheaper side! But then again, I am prone to splitting the cheque on the first date. I think it depends what age you are at and what your financial situation is like. It also depends how often you are dating. Most of my male friends my age are working and wouldn't whine about spending 50$ on a first date. I am working and financially stable, so 50$ isn't a lot for me to drop either. If I met someone and I didn't feel any sort of chemistry, I'd cut the date short and put in my half. I don't think it's a good idea to plan a first meeting as a dinner date- a coffee or drink is fine.
musemaj11 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Spending a lot of money on the first date is a bad precedence anyway.
zengirl Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Disagree with delving so seriously into those topics, but 100% agree that the first date (first few dates for that matter) should be cheap and easy. Fun, but not fancy. It's about getting to know the person, not making an event of it.
somedude81 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I'd consider 50$ on the cheaper side! But then again, I am prone to splitting the cheque on the first date. $50 is cheap?! BTW is that 50 per-person or total? $25 per-person still seems a bit expensive. That's a like dinner at a mid-range place; Friday's or something. There are more fun things to do on a first date then eat at a restaurant.
daphne Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Your post just seriously depressed me. Not for the 45 minute coffee date and saving cash. But that you are not someone who seems to believe in love at all. I get not wanting to have kids or get married. But 2x a week - you may as well rent a woman for sex and companionship.
Author tiger20 Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 I don't do dinner dates until I get a 4th date in. After 3 dates I pretty much get a good vibe that we have some connection & are on the same page & therefore it would be fine to do a 50$ dinner date by date 4.
Author tiger20 Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 Your post just seriously depressed me. Not for the 45 minute coffee date and saving cash. But that you are not someone who seems to believe in love at all. I get not wanting to have kids or get married. But 2x a week - you may as well rent a woman for sex and companionship. I don't even want sex with a woman. I already get those needs taken care of through masturbation & looking at lesbian pornography occasionally.
daphne Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 $50 is cheap?! BTW is that 50 per-person or total? $25 per-person still seems a bit expensive. That's a like dinner at a mid-range place; Friday's or something. There are more fun things to do on a first date then eat at a restaurant. I agree $50 is cheap. I won't mention how much I think my last first date cost because I'll be accused of being a gold digger.
D-Lish Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 $50 is cheap?! BTW is that 50 per-person or total? $25 per-person still seems a bit expensive. That's a like dinner at a mid-range place; Friday's or something. There are more fun things to do on a first date then eat at a restaurant. I consider it on the cheaper side for a night out in general. A movie date would total that much. I don't consider a person cheap for not wanting to spend that much- just for me personally, 50$ isn't very much to spend. I met my current bf from POF and he asked me to lunch- he picked up the tab for 35$- pretty standard for a sit down lunch in downtown Toronto. We could have just as easily met for a coffee, and that would have been cool too. I offered to pay half, but he wouldn't hear of it. I clarified in an earlier post that a first date can be coffee or a walk in the park. If you're multi-dating, it can get expensive taking a new person out a couple times a week. Getting back to the whole serious conversations about children, marriage, etc on the first date- even if it's just a quick 5 minute discussion, it's just not appropriate for a first date- it's too serious.
daphne Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I don't even want sex with a woman. I already get those needs taken care of through masturbation & looking at lesbian pornography occasionally. So, you don't want sex or love. That perked me up.
Author tiger20 Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 I don't believe in paying for half. If I ask for the date I pay 100%. That's why I make sure I pick a place I can afford so that I can easily pay 100%.
Author tiger20 Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 So, you don't want sex or love. That perked me up. Oh I want love alright. I'm secretly dying for it on the inside.
TaurusTerp Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 $50 is cheap?! BTW is that 50 per-person or total? $25 per-person still seems a bit expensive. That's a like dinner at a mid-range place; Friday's or something. There are more fun things to do on a first date then eat at a restaurant. Ugh I know this will come off snobby but Friday's is mid-range? Please don't take a girl there within the first 4 dates; have some ****ing standards. Come on.
somedude81 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I consider it on the cheaper side for a night out in general. A movie date would total that much. I don't consider a person cheap for not wanting to spend that much- just for me personally, 50$ isn't very much to spend. I met my current bf from POF and he asked me to lunch- he picked up the tab for 35$- pretty standard for a sit down lunch in downtown Toronto. We could have just as easily met for a coffee, and that would have been cool too. I offered to pay half, but he wouldn't hear of it. I clarified in an earlier post that a first date can be coffee or a walk in the park. If you're multi-dating, it can get expensive taking a new person out a couple times a week. Alright. Nothing to disagree with Ugh I know this will come off snobby but Friday's is mid-range? Please don't take a girl there within the first 4 dates; have some ****ing standards. Come on. ROFL! Dude I'm an unemployed full-time college student. For me eating out is Taco Bell or Jack in the Box. I don't like spending more than $10 for my self. Going to a place where I'd have to spend $20 for myself, and then possibly paying for her. That's pretty high-end for me.
daphne Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Oh I want love alright. I'm secretly dying for it on the inside. Aren't we all...
daphne Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Ugh I know this will come off snobby but Friday's is mid-range? Please don't take a girl there within the first 4 dates; have some ****ing standards. Come on. A man who knows better. I like. I think that if you make a woman wait 3-4 dates for a real date and you don't do something up right, you're not getting that romance and a little lavish attention is what puts a twinkle in both of your eyes.
Art_Critic Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 As soon as you tie money or lack of spending it to a date you have already failed IMO... Shouldn't going out and having a fun time with someone be the highest of priorities rather than how little to pay for the date ? I've gone on super cheap dates that only cost gas and super expensive dates and each of those dates were fun.. When I was dating it was all about the connection I had with the person as to what we did.. I didn't template my dates .. ever... I took my wife to a boat show downtown when we first started to date.. spent like 15 bucks on her for admission and another 6 bucks for a sandwich but we spent all day together.. Spending all day together is what the priority was rather than figuring out to come out of it as cheap as possible.
D-Lish Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 For me eating out is Taco Bell or Jack in the Box. I don't like spending more than $10 for my self. Going to a place where I'd have to spend $20 for myself, and then possibly paying for her. That's pretty high-end for me. Makes sense then that you need to be more discerning about how much you spend on a date! I've been there when I was younger, so it makes sense to me that at such a stage in your life that you need to keep track of your spending! I'm well past my student years, and I take home a steady pay-cheque, so I am not worried about money too much. I did go through a period of unemployment and when on a budget like that, I approached dating differently too.
Star Gazer Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I'd consider 50$ on the cheaper side! I think it depends what age you are at and what your financial situation is like. It also depends how often you are dating. Most of my male friends my age are working and wouldn't whine about spending 50$ on a first date. I am working and financially stable, so 50$ isn't a lot for me to drop either. Same here. I also think the OP is talking about online dates. If you already know them, there's more reason to have a nicer first date, IMO.
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