Vickstar Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I know all relationships are different but it always seems to be the nice people getting dumped! why is that??? i got dumped by my ex bf 5 months ago, im kinda over that now but my point is im friendly, funny, would do anything for the one i love, and bam your dumped! its like my sister and her bf have just broken up today (my bitch of a sister broke up with him!) and he is the most loveliest guy ive ever met and she thinks she can find better??? is she mad??? Is it because we're too nice? what does it take to be loved around here?? beating them to a pulp?? i just dont know anymore!
Woggle Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Being a good person is not valued in today's world.
Free spirit86 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I'm inclined to agree...I personally think that I am friendly, somewhat intelligent, open-minded, funny and reaaalllllyy down to earth, and I was recently dumped! I gave so much of myself to that relationship and bam! its over. That was on Tuesday. I keep having mixed feelings,but I guess that is because I am going through all of the stages of grief all at once. I feel a bit more accepting of that the fact that I won't be with this guy I am in love with. I was too ****ing nice and he didn't appreciate it. I never demanded a god damn thing...I am full of confusion. So, I think you kind of have to be a bitch or an ******* to live in this ****ed up world.Although I love living it can be a real bitch when it comes to interacting with others...sigh
fiat500 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 oh yeah. Men don't want nice girls. they want a cold bitch. if you want to keep a man be sure to do the following in the next relationship - always think of yourself first over the guy. there's no exception to this -be sure that he likes you more than you like him. that way you'll naturally treat him a little less respectfully and he'll be eating out of the palm of your hand - never ever let a guy know that you really really like him. it's dangerous 1
Woggle Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I am starting to notice how similiar the complaints about dating between men and women are. Switch the genders and it sounds like a typical nice guy rant.
fiat500 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 it comes down to having to be selfish in a relationship. it garners more respect. No one ever wants a nice person really. And if you say you do, you're just lying to yourself.
Sugarkane Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I TOTALLY agree with this! I was a great gf and my ex dumped me ny phone and then insulted me by text. I can't work it out.
D78 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 There is a big difference between being nice and being a doormat. You can be nice while insisting that your SO treats you with respect. You can be nice while explaining that something is unacceptable to you. Making your needs and boundaries clear to someone does not require you to be a b*#%h, and it does not mean you are not nice. Letting people walk all over you is actually not nice. It's pointless. It's lazy and weak. A nice person communicates his or her feelings to SOs, in a calm manner. Most people who are not nice do not have healthy relationships. Almost all doormats have unhealthy relationships. Nice people who demand respectful treatment don't get dumped all the time. Sometimes they are dumped, because life is not always fair. You have to honestly consider whether they would have ever been in the relationship if they were not authentic. As for "always thinking of yourself first over the guy..." "make sure that he likes you more than you like him..." and "never let a guy know that you really really like him" - wow. I thought you were kidding at first. Gee, sounds like the perfect relationship - I suppress my feelings and play like I'm someone who I'm not, only to manipulate some inferior dude to eat out of the palm of my hand, with a "relationship" built completely upon lies... hmm... just what I wanted. Maybe if you're really young or really disillusioned, this strategy will work for you. In real life, what is the point of having a completely fabricated relationship? People who adopt this strategy are the same people who cause all of us to be here complaining about how their hearts are broken. What's even better than a fabricated relationship is finding someone you can be honest with. Yeah, sometimes you will get knocked down. Big deal. As long as you don't adopt the victim role and feel like you will always get dumped, you will have more successful relationships in the future.
rrobbie Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 im the nicest guy quiet happy generous but when iu get dumped i become nasty angry say thing i regreat
Eeyore79 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Being a nice person doesn't entitle you to someone's love. I know a great many nice people who I don't fancy and don't want to be in a relationship with; I've also dumped exes who were nice people but who I wasn't in love with. Of course I do want to be in a relationship with a nice person, but niceness alone isn't enough.
PowerOfOne Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Anyone who is in a relationship because they play the 'treat em mean, keep em keen' game can keep it! It's shallow, loveless and all it will do is generate resentment. If I have to wait until I'm 70 to find someone that won't play that game then so be it! I'd rather be single then play mind games.
fiat500 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 There is a big difference between being nice and being a doormat. You can be nice while insisting that your SO treats you with respect. You can be nice while explaining that something is unacceptable to you. Making your needs and boundaries clear to someone does not require you to be a b*#%h, and it does not mean you are not nice. Letting people walk all over you is actually not nice. It's pointless. It's lazy and weak. A nice person communicates his or her feelings to SOs, in a calm manner. Most people who are not nice do not have healthy relationships. Almost all doormats have unhealthy relationships. Nice people who demand respectful treatment don't get dumped all the time. Sometimes they are dumped, because life is not always fair. You have to honestly consider whether they would have ever been in the relationship if they were not authentic. As for "always thinking of yourself first over the guy..." "make sure that he likes you more than you like him..." and "never let a guy know that you really really like him" - wow. I thought you were kidding at first. Gee, sounds like the perfect relationship - I suppress my feelings and play like I'm someone who I'm not, only to manipulate some inferior dude to eat out of the palm of my hand, with a "relationship" built completely upon lies... hmm... just what I wanted. Maybe if you're really young or really disillusioned, this strategy will work for you. In real life, what is the point of having a completely fabricated relationship? People who adopt this strategy are the same people who cause all of us to be here complaining about how their hearts are broken. What's even better than a fabricated relationship is finding someone you can be honest with. Yeah, sometimes you will get knocked down. Big deal. As long as you don't adopt the victim role and feel like you will always get dumped, you will have more successful relationships in the future. yeah. i was being sarcastic. i don't actually think that strategy could keep a man but from what i read here, the men who get dumped by women who either check out first, cheat, or don't appreciate them still get respect and pined over
Winterborn Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Hello, well, being too nice is not necessarily a bad thing, but the truth is that most people out there love a challenge... We're much after excitement, after all! And, from my point of view and experience, I think that balance is the best thing... Don't be a doormat, like someone already said, but don't be selfish either. Sometimes, giving too much to others means not giving enough to yourself. Take a look at how much you do for your own life and see if there's any imbalance... One can't really love others until having discovered how to love himself/herself... Good luck with everything!
makelemonade1974 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Nice is boring maybe? A lot of men are commitment-phobes and if you become nice, supportive, molly homemakeresque, they think "oh sh**! I'm married!" I don't know - just a thought - I really have no idea how men think. What I've learned (I guess) is that you have to keep your own life and interests sacred when in a relationship. Don't make it all about them. It protects you on the one hand (if they dump you then you still have a life) and it shows them you are strong, confident and independent, therefore putting less pressure on them. I guess . . . but I'm a woman so don't know. I have this guy friend (an ex, actually) who's super nice, but he's kind of clingy in relationships - too nice is annoying. I know - it's a catch 22.
fiat500 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 yeah well i kept my own life and i still got dumped. there's no formula really. still hung out with my friends, still did my own things, went after my own goals, etc. distance, college, and the concept of an ideal that doesn't exist is what kills relationships.
ccfan Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 (edited) If you have to "be a challenge" "be cool" "pretend not to care that much" "not tell her you love her too soon" etc ..etc.. you are not with the right person, a real relationship between adults should not involve mind games in any way, shape or form.. actually just the opposite it should be easy and effortless... Like D78 and PowerOfOne said, if you have to be living like this you are not having a real relationship but a fake one not worth having, and i too rather be 70 and still single than to be playing this kind of mind games now at 34. In my case yes, i was a "nice guy" with my girl: i told her how much I loved her every day, gave her flowers for no reason, sent her love letters, i was serious in my future plans with her (even when family and friends told me she was SO not the one), hardworking and saved every penny to get us the house she wanted... in return, she took me for granted most of the relationship one day finally told me that i was "wonderful" but she "didn´t really fall in love with me, it wasn´t her fault"... Does this mean that i will treat the next girl in my life with a mind game??... definetely not. Edited February 8, 2011 by ccfan
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