auzer Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I am 29 and I have a history that I must share with the person I will be dating. I don't know when or how to tell her? I was in a relationship a couple of years ago. It was an extremely stressful time and life. I had no life no fun and my work and personal life were both full of frustration for many reasons. That led me to go out a few times, get drunk, and pay for sex. I loved the woman I was with and I felt guilty so I told her and we separated. I ended up in therapy sessions and started changing my life howeverthe memory and the act of having done this is now with me. I know nobody will ever love me as much as if I hadn't but I need to learn when and how to explain this to a new person? Thanks
30Years Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Anyone you date needs to learn who you are, not who you were. If you two develop a serious relationship, then you can tell her. If your past is behind you, anyone who would love you less because of your past is not someone you would want to be with anyway. I see no reason why you can't find love just as rich and rewarding as anyone.
Author auzer Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 the image is unbearable for women, isnt it ?
Eeyore79 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I would suggest that you make the situation clear very early on, before you get too attached, and certainly before you have sex. Cheating and paying for sex are two behaviors which many women class as deal breakers, and they will worry that you will repeat this behavior if the relationship hits a rough patch. If a woman is going to walk away from you over this, it's best to get it over with fairly early on so you can continue looking for someone who can accept you and love you despite your past.
tami-chan Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 What is so deplorable to you, the fact that you cheated or that you paid for sex or both? I think you need to go have more counseling as you have not forgiven yourself yet. First, you forgive yourself, then embark on a new relationship.
alethean Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I know nobody will ever love me as much as if I hadn't but I need to learn when and how to explain this to a new person? The fact that you said this makes me sad. Yes, it happened--but have you forgiven yourself for it?
catgotyourtongue Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 What is so deplorable to you, the fact that you cheated or that you paid for sex or both? I think you need to go have more counseling as you have not forgiven yourself yet. First, you forgive yourself, then embark on a new relationship. The fact that you said this makes me sad. Yes, it happened--but have you forgiven yourself for it? Ditto what both posters said. My initial thought was about how you see yourself and working through your own forgiveness with it a bit better. And yes I think of course there are women who would be able to get past this. Some will, some won't. It won't be a dealbreaker for everyone. 1. you are or were in therapy to work on yourself, guilt, etc. whatever. That's a great step and a plus. 2. You felt guilt or responsibility for your actions, and want to be honest with whomever you date. That's a plus. You can work on you (seek forgiveness and progress) and be honest with them, and see how it goes. Best of luck.
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