Mixed28 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I have talked to many people about their first relationship and most say they were clingy and smothering and it drove their girlfriend/boyfriend away. Now people say an ex is an ex for a reason but what if the couple were very compatible but one of them was just clingy due to it being their first relationship. Obviously they are an ex for being clingy but it was their first relationship and they (hopefully) have learned from this experience and have moved on. However this is a good example of life not being fare. If say the knowledge you required from the break you knew before dating the person things would probably be different (possibly assuming the relationship was pretty stable). I feel people who are clingy in their first relationship and get dumped for it and learn from it did not get a real shot with that person. But lets say the dumpee moves on and learns from the experience is it possible to attract the dumper back? Assuming a lot of time has passed (1 -2 years) and the dumpee has maintained no contact and did not do the classic dumpee mistakes. Also assuming the dumppe and dumper are both single.
fun2bewith Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I have talked to many people about their first relationship and most say they were clingy and smothering and it drove their girlfriend/boyfriend away. Now people say an ex is an ex for a reason but what if the couple were very compatible but one of them was just clingy due to it being their first relationship. Obviously they are an ex for being clingy but it was their first relationship and they (hopefully) have learned from this experience and have moved on. However this is a good example of life not being fare. If say the knowledge you required from the break you knew before dating the person things would probably be different (possibly assuming the relationship was pretty stable). I feel people who are clingy in their first relationship and get dumped for it and learn from it did not get a real shot with that person. But lets say the dumpee moves on and learns from the experience is it possible to attract the dumper back? Assuming a lot of time has passed (1 -2 years) and the dumpee has maintained no contact and did not do the classic dumpee mistakes. Also assuming the dumppe and dumper are both single. Yes, why not? But get yourself back first!
gator12 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Second chances are ALWAYS possible. If love was ever really there. Most relationships don't end due to a lack of love, most end due to mistakes made by one or the other party because we are human and sadly ruin even the most perfect of things. Time is essentially not the issue here, it's basically have you learned from the mistake. A second chance is possible when you have REALLY learned from the mistake and changed that problem, until then the same problem will rise up and ruin any attempt at a second chance. -Gator
fun2bewith Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Second chances are ALWAYS possible. If love was ever really there. Most relationships don't end due to a lack of love, most end due to mistakes made by one or the other party because we are human and sadly ruin even the most perfect of things. Time is essentially not the issue here, it's basically have you learned from the mistake. A second chance is possible when you have REALLY learned from the mistake and changed that problem, until then the same problem will rise up and ruin any attempt at a second chance. -Gator Can I get an amen!
RomoGuy Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I totally agree with gator.. Second chances are always possible..
gator12 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Well I'm not trying to get everyone's hopes up. The fact is even though they are almost always possible people need to treat them as if they will never happen. That is the only way you can heal and maintain NC, if you sit in your room obsessing about getting another chance. They are truly always possible, but after you have been dumped you need to deny that possibility, because then you will cling to hope of them coming back. And clinging to that hope will only serve to hurt you more. -Gator
RomoGuy Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Well I'm not trying to get everyone's hopes up. The fact is even though they are almost always possible people need to treat them as if they will never happen. That is the only way you can heal and maintain NC, if you sit in your room obsessing about getting another chance. They are truly always possible, but after you have been dumped you need to deny that possibility, because then you will cling to hope of them coming back. And clinging to that hope will only serve to hurt you more. -Gator I agree with you totally. I am learning to enjoy life again and be happy without my ex here. I know there are possibilities with her, but focus is on myself. Moving forward and learning to fill the emptiness that she use to occupy with things that make me full again. NC is amazing, ... 6 weeks ago I thought the world was ending. But today I know that life goes on even without our ex's. People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.
gator12 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Same as you, been broken up something like 10 weeks. Went NC for 2 weeks, she wanted to be "friends" I tried, didn't work, no contact ever since. It's 6 or 7 weeks now, I honestly don't know I've stopped counting. It feels good to live without them, to know how easy it is to be happy. It only gets better. I still have my hope but I dont even think about it anymore.
Author Mixed28 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 Yes it has gotten better I don't wake up in pain anymore but when I see her with her new boyfriend it hurts like hell. Seeing them individually is fine but together man it sucks.
gator12 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 In the end the only way that guy can work is in your favor. As long as you don''t blow up about him the odds are in your favor that they won't work out for many reasons. The most important being she's not completely over the breakup, nobody gets over a serious relationship that quick and that is going to f*** them up for sure. Regardless it doesn't matter do what you can to not think about it and go out and have fun, if she wants you back it will be very obvious. -gator
Author Mixed28 Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 I think she will be with him for a while he is no rebound I am sure of that.
gator12 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 She got together with him within a month of breaking up with you. She had no time to properly heal even if she thinks she is right now. That by definition is a rebound. She's dating him because he's new and exciting and he is helping alleviate the pain of a breakup. But because of him she will never truly heal and his new shine will wear off, and then they will break up. Regardless, it doesn't matter. You need to do no contact for you, to heal to move on. If she comes back it will be unmistakable. But until then, improve yourself go out and have fun gain your confidence back. Show her and yourself that you can live without her. -Gator
Author Mixed28 Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 actually we dated for only 2 months and she got with him 2 months after the breakup do you think its a rebound she adores him. but yes i have kept NC we do say hi in the halls but thats it.
gator12 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Two months is pretty short... I mean in a lot of people's esyes a relationship isn't even a relationship until 6 months. Idk, it doesn't matter, you cannot do anything about it, just let it play out, either way you are protecting your dignity and healing. Anything is possible if it was really love, but stay in NC thinking she will never come back. That way you can't be hurt anymore. -Gator
Author Mixed28 Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 Yeah I will. Like I said I was to physically clingy. For us to get back together it would have to be many months or a year or two and obvioulsy we would have to be single. I didn't push her away so thats good but I will keep an eye out for other girls. I think her and her new bf are in it for the long haul.
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