Mr.P Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Hi, I've been with my girlfriend for 8 months now, brief history (which can be found by the search function!) is that she was a friend of 4 years, not a close friend, we met only a couple of times a year, the rest was just text and fb chat, but in May last year we kind of clicked. She was in a LDR already and engaged. After about 6 weeks ,she broke up with him so we could be together. About 4 months in to it, she moved closer to me (lived 2 hours away) to start at college and whilst she was settling in making new friends and meeting new people I gave her the space to do it, didn't want to be breathing down her neck all the time cramping her style. This lead to a telephone break up whilst I was in work, about 2 weeks in to her new life as she believed I had lost interest. It didn't matter what I said she was adamant that it was over. I saw her 2 days later (I work 2 hrs away also so stay in a hotel) and she reluctantly told me that she'd slept with someone else the night we broke up. She was deeply upset and she was being comforted by a friend and it all lead back to his house and upstairs. I told her she would never hear from me again and the next day she got very sick and I agreed to take her to hospital as she had no one else. After a couple of days in hospital hearing some pretty bad news it made her realise that I was the best thing in her life and she'd made a huge mistake, so we got back together. My work currently has me away a lot, normally 4 or 5 days a week I'm away, I'm a shift worker so have 4 or 5 days off as well. By her own admission she struggles with me being away because she misses me a lot, and is just very insecure. I still live with my parents as I can't afford my own place yet, and last week I told her that she couldn't really stay at mine anymore as my parents struggle to get a good nights sleep if there's someone else in the house. Nothing personal at all, they can't even have their own grandchildren stay over for the same reason. This hit her quite badly as her insecurity started making all kinds of unnecessary assumptions thinking that we were over because she couldn't stay at mine anymore, and that I'd always have to stay at hers so she would never see my friends again. I tried to reassure her that it was nothing personal and I thought we were still ok. Friday night after me being away for 5 days we go to the cinema and have a great night, back to hers afterwards and something just didn't seem right. She started to tell me that she wasn't sure what love was and that she was still young and felt she wasn't old enough to understand what love was. I asked if this was her way of asking me to leave and if that was what she wanted and she said no not at all, after some more very odd comments like she couldn't live without me but at the same time couldn't live with me, she finally confessed that she had been unfaithful. I asked when and she said Tuesday night. I thought nothing of it but I didn't hear anything from her on Tuesday night as she was out with friends. She thought I didn't love her so she found comfort in one of her friends. She has this need to be loved and if she doesn't feel loved she will go and find it from somewhere. She doesn't care where from. She also told me that she'd done it before, with someone else within her group of friends, and that was why we broke up the first time, she couldn't handle the guilt. I was destroyed, she realised that I was about to leave and she completely broke down being very apologetic and begging me to stay with her. I heard her out and she promised that it would never happen again, she wouldn't let herself get out of hand, all 3 times she has been paralytic drunk so she has acknowledged she has a drinking problem and won't drink as much anymore. She said I'd have to believe her as if I couldn't trust her then we could not carry on. Being aware she is on anti-depressants I couldn't have left her in the emotional mess she was in, as she is pretty suicidal at the moment and there was no way I could live with that on my conscience so I said I was going to stay, I'd have to accept what has happened and for me to believe her when she says she will never do it again. She was extremely grateful that I hadn't ran off and we then slept together which in hindsight was the wrong thing to do. I woke up at stupid o'clock and I lay there for hours thinking about everything she said, living with the fact that she cheated on me twice, and that I could never tell anyone about it as they'd disown us both, me for being so stupid. I told her the next morning I was struggling with it and she was upset with me for leading her on, especially sleeping with her getting her hopes up thinking we were in the clear when we're not. Not wanting anyone to suspect anything, she came out with me and a friend and we got on ok, no hint of any trouble between us but on the drive home I told her I was still struggling to accept it, she broke down again because she thought I was being genuine when we were out. I was because I still love her. I'm going away to work again for 10 days tomorrow, and whilst were ok now it's going to be really hard for us both, and I don't know if I should stay or go. Can she be forgiven for what she has done? Can I trust her again? Can I trust any girl again? Every girlfriend I've had has cheated on me, each time it's more serious.
heartshaped Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Yes, you should forgive her for what she has done for your sake really more than hers, but it's obvious that you need to break up with her. There's a difference between cheating on someone and being a cheater, she's a cheater. She left a man she was engaged to for you; first red flag. She sleeps with a man the night you break up; second red flag. She says she doesn't know what love is; third red flag. She admits to having cheated on you two times; fourth and fifth red flag. Then, she wants to force you into saying you forgive her and things are fine even though she's cheated on you now twice; six red flag. Not to mention all of her emotional issues; insecurity, depression, etc. I don't know what else you need to happen before you leave her. You don't have to be cruel about it, but you need to leave her for her own good as well as your own. She isn't in the position to be with anyone and you don't deserve to be with someone who treats you like this. 1
seibert253 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 There's absolutely NO WAY you can trust her. She's already proved that to you. Without trust, there is no relationship, period. End it, go NC with her, then move forward. You deserve a GF who will treat you with love, respect, and total commitment. She has done none of these.
lkjh Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 are you joking? Really? She has cheated on you 2 times, one of the times she broke up with you and bang another guy, left her fiance for you, and is clearly effed up. no no no you should marry her because I am sure that all of this is just a phase
Yamaha Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 This women does not need to be in a relationship. She doesn't really love you and she needs sex to validate herself to men. You can't fix her. There is probably something in her history that makes her act this way but don't hang around and try to save her. There are to many women that will be faithful and love you to waste you time on one that cheats as soon as your away.
Eddie Edirol Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Heres why you should tell her she will never be forgiven and then you dump her permanently. She tells you that she cheated on you because she thinks YOU lost interest. Then she cheats on you again because she believes that YOU didnt show her enough love. She is basically switching the blame to you, but they are the real reasons she cheated on you. She lost interest in you, and then SHE didnt show you enough love but chose to switch it around to keep you off her manipulation trail. Do you truly want to be with someone who deliberately manipulates you like that? Stop falling for it.
Bryanp Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 There is no question that you need to get away from this drama queen. She constantly manipulates you so she can sleep with other men. Are you going to wait until she gives you an STD? If you knew then what you know now would you even consider being involved with her? You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions speak volumes. She is playing you for a total fool. Sorry but her actions indicate that she has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Why would you settle for this?
amerikajin Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 She broke up with someone else to be with you, and now she's breaking up with you to be with someone else. You entered the relationship knowing this could happen, but thought it wouldn't happen to you. Unfortunately, it did. Hit the eject button.
paleblue Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 sorry, but i agree with the other posters. the best thing you could ever do is to walk away and find someone that will actually love and respect you. this one does not. she is immature and self absorbed. you will not change her. she will just f some other guy behind your back if you stick around. you are better than her. and you deserve a better woman. your head knows this already. i hope your heart catches up to what your head already knows, sooner than later. for your sake i hope you follow thru with kicking her to the curb for good. you will resent yourself if you stay with her. good luck.
Chi townD Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Hi, I've been with my girlfriend for 8 months now, brief history (which can be found by the search function!) is that she was a friend of 4 years, not a close friend, we met only a couple of times a year, the rest was just text and fb chat, but in May last year we kind of clicked. She was in a LDR already and engaged. After about 6 weeks ,she broke up with him so we could be together. About 4 months in to it, she moved closer to me (lived 2 hours away) to start at college and whilst she was settling in making new friends and meeting new people I gave her the space to do it, didn't want to be breathing down her neck all the time cramping her style. This lead to a telephone break up whilst I was in work, about 2 weeks in to her new life as she believed I had lost interest. It didn't matter what I said she was adamant that it was over. I saw her 2 days later (I work 2 hrs away also so stay in a hotel) and she reluctantly told me that she'd slept with someone else the night we broke up. She was deeply upset and she was being comforted by a friend and it all lead back to his house and upstairs. I told her she would never hear from me again and the next day she got very sick and I agreed to take her to hospital as she had no one else. After a couple of days in hospital hearing some pretty bad news it made her realise that I was the best thing in her life and she'd made a huge mistake, so we got back together. My work currently has me away a lot, normally 4 or 5 days a week I'm away, I'm a shift worker so have 4 or 5 days off as well. By her own admission she struggles with me being away because she misses me a lot, and is just very insecure. I still live with my parents as I can't afford my own place yet, and last week I told her that she couldn't really stay at mine anymore as my parents struggle to get a good nights sleep if there's someone else in the house. Nothing personal at all, they can't even have their own grandchildren stay over for the same reason. This hit her quite badly as her insecurity started making all kinds of unnecessary assumptions thinking that we were over because she couldn't stay at mine anymore, and that I'd always have to stay at hers so she would never see my friends again. I tried to reassure her that it was nothing personal and I thought we were still ok. Friday night after me being away for 5 days we go to the cinema and have a great night, back to hers afterwards and something just didn't seem right. She started to tell me that she wasn't sure what love was and that she was still young and felt she wasn't old enough to understand what love was. I asked if this was her way of asking me to leave and if that was what she wanted and she said no not at all, after some more very odd comments like she couldn't live without me but at the same time couldn't live with me, she finally confessed that she had been unfaithful. I asked when and she said Tuesday night. I thought nothing of it but I didn't hear anything from her on Tuesday night as she was out with friends. She thought I didn't love her so she found comfort in one of her friends. She has this need to be loved and if she doesn't feel loved she will go and find it from somewhere. She doesn't care where from. She also told me that she'd done it before, with someone else within her group of friends, and that was why we broke up the first time, she couldn't handle the guilt. I was destroyed, she realised that I was about to leave and she completely broke down being very apologetic and begging me to stay with her. I heard her out and she promised that it would never happen again, she wouldn't let herself get out of hand, all 3 times she has been paralytic drunk so she has acknowledged she has a drinking problem and won't drink as much anymore. She said I'd have to believe her as if I couldn't trust her then we could not carry on. Being aware she is on anti-depressants I couldn't have left her in the emotional mess she was in, as she is pretty suicidal at the moment and there was no way I could live with that on my conscience so I said I was going to stay, I'd have to accept what has happened and for me to believe her when she says she will never do it again. She was extremely grateful that I hadn't ran off and we then slept together which in hindsight was the wrong thing to do. I woke up at stupid o'clock and I lay there for hours thinking about everything she said, living with the fact that she cheated on me twice, and that I could never tell anyone about it as they'd disown us both, me for being so stupid. I told her the next morning I was struggling with it and she was upset with me for leading her on, especially sleeping with her getting her hopes up thinking we were in the clear when we're not. Not wanting anyone to suspect anything, she came out with me and a friend and we got on ok, no hint of any trouble between us but on the drive home I told her I was still struggling to accept it, she broke down again because she thought I was being genuine when we were out. I was because I still love her. I'm going away to work again for 10 days tomorrow, and whilst were ok now it's going to be really hard for us both, and I don't know if I should stay or go. Can she be forgiven for what she has done? Can I trust her again? Can I trust any girl again? Every girlfriend I've had has cheated on me, each time it's more serious. You can forgive her as a person, but as a girlfriend....??? The trouble is, she now realizes that there are no consequences to her actions. She cheated on you twice and you are still with her. If the roles were reversed, do you think she would be so understanding? I think not. She's a serial cheater, she may not cheat next week, next month or next year. But sooner or later... and by the way, it doesn't have to be sex to be considered cheating....
EM47 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 (edited) Grow some balls and find someone who respects you. She obviously does not. and get tested for stds now Edited February 10, 2011 by EM47 added a point
livingstan84 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 no no no you should marry her because I am sure that all of this is just a phase nuff said. that can be the only rational thought that might make you want to take her back, and it's reaaaaalllllyyyyy stretching it
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