Nukulus Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Well folks I've come to the conclusion that, at least for me, online dating sucks. I'll first preface this by saying I'm not a guy who sends out 30 generic mass emails a week to try and grab anything that sticks. I look, I read, and if I'm interested I send a short non "cookie-cutter" message that expresses my interest and makes it clear that I actually read their profile. I've had match for a month and I'd say on average I've sent out ~3 emails a week? Anywho, some respond, some don't and that's to be expected I suppose. What I am concerned about is the complete lack of any continued conversation. No more than 2-3 emails exchanged, only one phone number, no phone calls, etc. I'm starting to wonder what's wrong with me. I'm a decent looking guy, I'm intelligent, articulate, compassionate, respectful, funny etc. I'm also 24 and finishing up school. I'm not perfect by any means, and I don't pretend to be. I think of myself as a typical guy my age. I have qualities and flaws just like everyone else. My main thoughts are my distance to most of the women on match in my area (they're in Pittsburgh, I'm an hour or so away), my age (many seem to be exclusively looking in the 25 + range), and the fact that I'm not working in my career field yet. I could also throw out the height thing since I am 5'9" and it seems like most womens profiles height range they are looking for starts at 5'10" despite how tall they are, but I generally hope that this is inconsequential and most people aren't so shallow to write someone off over an inch or two. Am I alone in feeling this way? Maybe women just have an insane amount of options that they can be extremely picky. Anyway, here's a link to my profile if anyone has any constructive criticism... http://www.match.com/profile/showprofile.aspx?ortp=1&TP=U&uid=Ej4HuWK5AHw3nZso9fLXvQ==&lid=21 However, as it stands I'm considering shelving the online dating thing for a few months until I graduate, get a job, and (probably) move. Cheers!
Leeway Harris Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but I'm 6'2", and I live in the same city as all the women I write, and as I said in a few other posts in this forum, my profile may as well be invisible. I get virtually no attention at all. The extremely few women who do write disappear immediately, and the ones I contact first almost never write back, and never more than two emails. So if my experience means anything, it's not your height or your location.
humanracer25 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 (edited) the best dating sites are plentyoffish and okcupid. Best to try there rather than the pay ones. Edited February 6, 2011 by humanracer25
Emilia Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 online dating is a waste of time, one guy turned out to be a troll, another a psycho, met a nice one but no chemistry... You can never guess what people are looking for, many lie. I discovered the world of meetup groups and have all sorts of activities planned with new faces. Deleted my online profiles
Nexus One Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I discovered the world of meetup groups and have all sorts of activities planned with new faces. Deleted my online profiles Go on. Tell us more. What are these meet-up groups you speak of?
Mrlonelyone Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Dito online dating is a waste. The problem is that most of the people are not very serious about it. The only one I have used where I at least got a good online conversation was Eharmony. But then it seems that most people on EH are like they are any place else. There are two kinds of online daters. The rare person who really is too busy for the scene or any real socializing after work. Then there are the people who are socially phobic and won't actually come out to play.
Anxiety Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I don't think online dating is a waste. I met my exgf on Craigslist of all places. People seem to get an idea that things will happen immediately. It just takes time like it does anywhere else...and if you haven't met anyone yet...new people join everyday. I'm going to try OKC and match when I'm ready. PoF is out, my exgf has a profile on there that is currently hidden, and I don't want to see it. It would break my heart all over again. I really don't want to pay for match, but there are prettier woman on there in my area, but I can't read their profiles since I'm not a member, for all I know they might all be total b!tches.
Art_Critic Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Dude... your profile is good.. you sound like a pretty good catch.. The only negatives I see are the mention of your parents when you talk about your pets.. if they live with your parents then where do you live kinda thing and your pictures have girls in them.. remove those pictures.. and you are right about the distance.. an hour away makes it a long distance relationship for someone trying to get to know you so maybe that is why women peter out on the conversations Why not hit up only women around you ? and throw me in the heap that believes in online dating.. I met my wife on match...
SmileFace Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 It is not your height. You are taller than most girls . We are the same height and I don't even care about your height. Online dating just takes time. I am not to familiar with Match but your profile seems great. Even your profile picture is a conversation starter, by the way where was it taken?:-)
Emilia Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Go on. Tell us more. What are these meet-up groups you speak of? meetup.com. You type in keywords that cover your interests (wine tasting, cinema, kayaking, whatever) and your zip code. It lists groups with similar interests that are near you. I've joined 6, meeting one about a surfing trip next week, going hiking with another the week after.
carhill Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 What are these meet-up groups you speak of? Here's an example. In my area (the site detects IP and provides content), I saw a kayak group, as one example. Overall, I haven't felt online dating was 'drag'. It was/is one tool to meet ostensibly single people in a selected geographic area. I think, if one approaches as a tool rather than a panacea, appropriate expectations can be maintained. The person one meets at a chance encounter at Starbucks or Borders is just as likely to exhibit human features similar to people one might meet online, if the purpose of such meetings is an intimate relationship. Both are essentially strangers, with some, generally different, aspects of their unfamiliarity mitigated by the method of meeting. Disclaimer: My wife of ten years (now exW) was met via online dating and was one of many women I dated as a result of online interactions (back in the 1990's).
Author Nukulus Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 Well, with regards to the pets thing. I live ~10 miles from my family so I still see them (both parents and pet's weekly). The girl in my pictures is my little sister... Is it really a bad idea to have any pics with the opposite sex? And about the distance thing. There aren't a whole lot of "matches" in my area. Maybe a 100 or so, but the majority of them don't appear to be active. Therefore I expanded my range and it includes Pittsburgh. Maybe I'm underestimating how far people would think to travel. For me driving an hour or more for a potentially fun date seems like no big deal. I've traveled much farther for much more dreary reasons (work, school, etc). Also my profile picture was taken on the battlements of Edinburgh Castle in Scotland!
redhead1 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I have been on Match for about 2 months... and am amazed at the whole thing. I am not shy, if I see a guy that looks attractive and his profile catches my attn, I'll send a wink or a quick email. It blows my mind how many ppl don't respond! It's plain rude! I always, always reply. Sometimes I think it's a good way to broaden the scope of possibilities, and other times I think it's like shooting fish in a barrel. Or at the very least a reality show... I feel like as ppl click thru.. "Next, next, next..." I need a thicker skin... got stood up and I was hurt lol!!
redhead1 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Well folks I've come to the conclusion that, at least for me, online dating sucks. I'll first preface this by saying I'm not a guy who sends out 30 generic mass emails a week to try and grab anything that sticks. I look, I read, and if I'm interested I send a short non "cookie-cutter" message that expresses my interest and makes it clear that I actually read their profile. I've had match for a month and I'd say on average I've sent out ~3 emails a week? Anywho, some respond, some don't and that's to be expected I suppose. What I am concerned about is the complete lack of any continued conversation. No more than 2-3 emails exchanged, only one phone number, no phone calls, etc. I'm starting to wonder what's wrong with me. I'm a decent looking guy, I'm intelligent, articulate, compassionate, respectful, funny etc. I'm also 24 and finishing up school. I'm not perfect by any means, and I don't pretend to be. I think of myself as a typical guy my age. I have qualities and flaws just like everyone else. My main thoughts are my distance to most of the women on match in my area (they're in Pittsburgh, I'm an hour or so away), my age (many seem to be exclusively looking in the 25 + range), and the fact that I'm not working in my career field yet. I could also throw out the height thing since I am 5'9" and it seems like most womens profiles height range they are looking for starts at 5'10" despite how tall they are, but I generally hope that this is inconsequential and most people aren't so shallow to write someone off over an inch or two. Am I alone in feeling this way? Maybe women just have an insane amount of options that they can be extremely picky. Anyway, here's a link to my profile if anyone has any constructive criticism... http://www.match.com/profile/showprofile.aspx?ortp=1&TP=U&uid=Ej4HuWK5AHw3nZso9fLXvQ==&lid=21 However, as it stands I'm considering shelving the online dating thing for a few months until I graduate, get a job, and (probably) move. Cheers! Your profile is great hun! Noting that the girl in the pics is your sister is a great idea. You told alot about yourself, and personally, that's huge for me. Gives me an idea that you (he) is not afraid to carry on a converstaion. As for the height thing? You are a good looking guy. If a woman has 5'10" on hers... it's just a "personal preference", it does not mean it's written in stone. Don't stress it... I freak out at mine all the time, and think I have to "tweak" it...
daphne Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Nuke, I thought you were cute and had a decent profile. I think it was a little verbose and dry, however. But not a deal breaker. Your height might be a problem for the girls who feel entitled to have a 6'4" 150k+ earning, super stud with a porsche, but do you want that girl who is that goofy to begin with?
Author Nukulus Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 Hmmm... Interesting. So, how does one become less dry and verbose? It's my first foray into online dating, so I was unsure as to what to put on a profile. Pretty much the only thing, from what I gathered, that was set in stone was no internet speak. Anyway, thanks for all the replies everyone. It seems I'm not alone. Though I have to say if I'm still doing this online thing ~6 months from now and I have bigger salary/live closer to the city how much things will change.
daphne Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 You just need to cut the fat. What I'm looking for is a no brainer. I would leave it blank. You're open for whatever happens. It's a dating site. Unless you're opposed to either casual or serious, no need to put it. You just write too much that isn't necessary. Just as an example: my ethnicity: I'm comprised of a little bit of a lot of things. To simplify I am 50/50 British (Mom's side) and American (Dad's side). However, within that large description there is Irish, Latvian, Native American, etc. I'd just put: British, Latvian, Native American. Finished. You're not on the date yet. You can say where you got it from then. my religion: Agnostic. (cut out all of the rest) favorite hot spots: Locally I enjoy low key places, like Sports Page and Crocketts, where I can hang out with friends and shoot some pool. Otherwise I love to travel and I've been blessed by a family that enjoys it as well. I've visited and lived in several places! You already said some of this above in for fun. Just mention a couple. Too wordy. No one's going to want to read repetitive profiles. I'm not sure most people read them to begin with so I feel like a big fat nerd reading yours and editing it for you. Just examples. But if you want to be a pro technical writer, gotta learn to be succinct.
Author Nukulus Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 Pro-technical writer I am not. Despite having a minor in it and studying in the science field while trying to write a publishable thesis. Cheers!
dispatch3d Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 ah! whew sorry fell asleep. Describing yourself as an average guy has a tendency for people to just shove you in the "every other guy" category. You aren't average. Your doing your masters in something (though you don't talk about it in any kind of interesting way). Instead your profile looks more like this: Age 24 Weight 180 Height 5'9 Job: None Need I go on? Change it from a statement of facts to you expressing what makes you eccentric/different/exciting/whatever. Do you even like reading your profile? I seriously had to concentrate on not skimming over the left side stuff to try to give you a more fair assessment. I'd change the tagline to something else. Goodluck!
dispatch3d Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 religion: F the police race: non-racist a majority of the time Would probably work better than what you have. I'm just showing extremes. Don't tell people your racist. Unless you want to attempt to start a clan of some sort. No god don't tell people you are racist (seriously not cool!).
daphne Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 religion: F the police race: non-racist a majority of the time Would probably work better than what you have. I'm just showing extremes. Don't tell people your racist. Unless you want to attempt to start a clan of some sort. No god don't tell people you are racist (seriously not cool!). :lmao: Part of the funny is that wordy's telling wordy how to write. But he's right Nuke. Something funny would catch more attention. But yeah, don't touch the race card.
Author Nukulus Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 It is kind of boring isnt it? I'll give it some thought and tweak it. See if I can't think of any humorous/interesting ways of discussing my field.
dispatch3d Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 It is kind of boring isnt it? I'll give it some thought and tweak it. See if I can't think of any humorous/interesting ways of discussing my field. nukemaster, I see your tweaks, they definitely look better. A few thoughts. Say I tell you do not think of a purple elephant? The only way to picture a purple elephant is to imagine a purple elephant then not think about it, right? So saying "I'm definitely not average". Well to imagine you being not average, they have to first think of you as average. Not what we are going for. So don't say you aren't average . Stay away from any kind of qualifying statements. Something like "I'm really cool because" or "I'm unique because". What you want to do is think of all the weird **** you've done in the past....I don't know, ever, year, who cares? Like I had a rihanna ring tune go off in the middle of an exam, so I put I'm into rihanna ring tunes. Obviously this is a ridiculous thing to say, but I'm just saying I dig them. They can take it or leave it I don't give a **** . Or my favourite show is Big Bang Theory. (that's it) lol that in itself is odd/a bit different. Think of it like this. Some girls should look at your profile and think your a loser, a complete bafoon, whatever. Other girls should look at it and love you. If you aren't generating both love+hate (they go together) then you aren't putting a unique enough message out there. Before you were much more in the middle of things than now (ie. described yourself as average, yadayada). You want to move out to some polarized guy-type they could see themselves with (or not see themselves with). Like my profile I tout myself as a really smart guy whose into nerdy ****. I like rambling about nonsense and talking about the abstract. I just come out and say "I'm a nerd and I love it blablabla". I've messaged girls and have them be completely cold and bitchy, and I've had other girls flip head over heels. Good. The girl who was cold and bitchy is probably an idiot who doesn't want to talk about complicated things. Hahaha. The ones who "love" me are probably actually into nerdy stuff. Anyhow just food for thought. I'm kinda taking stuff I've learned in marketing and applying it to dating (dating really is just about selling yourself). Under no condition should you attempt to say you are funny or attempt to be funny in your profile. The reason is evverrryyy guy does this. You may even want to search through okcupid guys and come up with some commonalities in their profiles. Do they all say they go to university? DO NOT say that! Not only should you think of what niche/special **** your profile should have, you should also think of what stuff your profile definitely isn't. I mean, I tell jokes and i'm pretty funny. Unfortunately, every guy online is attempting to tell girls they are funny. So I can't mold myself as a comedian, cause those bastards ruined that angle. Haha basstardds... Anyhow best of luck
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