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EX Dumped her rebound after 3mths Met her and we had a talk... ?

darran

By darran
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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darran Established Member

darran

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Hi guys,

 

Little summary of what happened.

 

Me and current ex were living with each other for slightly over 2 years. Last few months of relationship were full of conflict. Mostly due to substance abuse.

 

I am sure we all say this, but yea, its touching the 4mth mark of our break up, I do feel a LOT better and can honestly say without a doubt my EX deeply cared for me and loved me like I have never been loved by anyone before.

 

I took her for granted a lot of the times, however there were a lot of good times we shared and I was good to my EX - she has on many occasion (during the break-up) brought up things she misses about me but always said she couldn't risk going back and being hurt again. And besides, she liked this guy she was seeing and wanted to see if it went anywhere.

 

I also hurt my EX once severly during our break-up due to gossiping and me hitting the roof. Not physically.

 

I have been NC a few times but never seem to keep at it. One of us break it and we generally ended up arguing... yep... arguing over the rebound and other silly, petty things.

 

so...

 

Just a while back she went away with this rebound guy, a weekend away. I wished her well when she told me about it... cant remember the exact dates but I went NC. I was royally pi**ed off but just let it go.

 

Then she came back. I think a couple of days after she came back, I wrote an email along the lines of "how was the trip".... she called me. We started chatting about whatever and she knew not to bring the rebound however SHE started bringing up all the reasons she ended it with me and why she couldn't come back. She started breaking down and crying. I admit, I did ask her some probing questions regarding her feelings for this guy. Which she didn't answer.

 

I was a little taken back by her breaking down so asked what she was doing, that I will come down and we can sit in the car and have a "chat".

 

So she said come down. I picked her up and we drove around the corner and with a sombre mood in the car I just let her lead the conversation. She was surprisingly very honest and told me she had no feelings for him and that she just had to try an be with a different type of guy. Again she would have said why we broke up, why we couldn't make up... generally I would try and protest but this time I didn't. I just listened to her.

 

She then asked what I have been doing, I told her the gym and decorating. She felt my arm and stomach and said "I see and feel...". She smiled at me and started to laugh, like a little giggle type laugh... I said "what was so funny" and she said "You are making me laugh" but I wasnt... I was just being normal.

 

She asked could she come to my place. So I said are you sure. And off we went.

 

She came in looked around, sat down and we chatted away, just normally. Then I suggested that I take her back home. Before we left she said "these changes have came too late... why couldn't you have done all this when we had a chance".

 

I just said "Look, I had to do it... regardless of what happened I was going down a hole and could have lost my job. In a way, you breaking up was a good thing but still... I want us to work things out".

 

She said the same old... which I expected. But!!!!

 

Later that night I got an email saying something along the lines of:

 

I am done with REBOUND, I don't want you to contact me again

 

I was a bit shocked and didn't reply.

 

The following day she called me to tell me the same thing but was a lot calmer and said: "I need to be alone for a while - I am done with REBOUND and wont be going back. I am really sorry for what i did, I genuinely am. I hope you understand I never intended on doing that it just happened. I will contact you when I am ready but please move on. I don't want you to wait around for me".

 

Tonight I get an MSN from her saying pretty much same thing. She is still single, going away with her mates mid Feb (V-Day) for a long weekend and that she will contact me when she feels ready to do so.

 

I did send her an offline MSN just before the weekend saying "Hope yer doing alright". The above was her response.

 

Can anyone here tell me what she may be experiencing or what she may be thinking?

 

I know I am NC... I know I have to try and at least get to a stage where whether she does or not it REALLY doesn't bother me. And I am slowly getting there but yes I GENUINELY 100% with all my heart and soul want to make up with my EX. Show her how much I appreciate her and show her with all my loving that what I did in the past is exactly that... the past.

 

Thanks for advice folks.

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darran Established Member

darran

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I also understand that I have a hell of a LOT of work to do if I have (if there is any at all) any chance of her trusting me enough to risk making up.

 

I know I should do NC and leave it but has anyone been here in the same situation with an EX YOU hurt and forced her to end the relationship that can share your experience?

 

She is a straight girl... we've all got our faults and I wont stick her up on a pedestal. But yea, she isn't a "bad" girl. Just a decent girl I loved and lost.

 

thank you!

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darran Established Member

darran

Posted
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any girls been hurt here and did the dumping and found themselves a little in this situation?

 

thanks

 

:(

depplover_1980 Established Member

depplover_1980

Posted
Posted

She has actually told you to move on and not wait around for her, which are the words you need to listen to right now.

 

There is nothing you can say without pushing her further away. If you need to apologise write her a letter/email but do it for your own closure; also be aware that she may not reply and you have to move on and close the door. You have been in limbo for long enough and purgatory is bad for the soul!

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darran Established Member

darran

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Posted (edited)

yea i was told to write a letter... goes against the grain here. but was told to ask for another go basically... it's wrote and sent.

 

Proper letter, no bulls**t. outlined everything from when I met her to when we fell for each other. To when we started having problems and what I felt the problems are and what I think we both could do to solve these problems if we ever did try to work on things.

 

we'll see the response. :S

 

note: I never got I need space... it was the opposite, I got the "I love you more than anything but I need the f**k out of this" ... as happens there's always a pleb (no offence to anyone) waiting around and he happened to be the guy she rebounded with and now dumped.

 

thing is she didn't "lose interest" in me, I actually still think she is VERY MUCH attracted to me still to this day. You just cant fake a certain behaviour/emotion if you know the person very well. she is just VERY aware that I hurt her and risking working things out now might make her look stupid (for dumping rebound and rushing back to me - and with family and friends) and find us both hurt again. I can't help but find myself thinking she is just SCARED and I have to - not by constantly hassling the girl - fight for her trust back. Ya know?

 

maybe I am wrong?

 

oh and I am not in limbo land as such...I just want my EX back :) ...like us all so probably hope for some type of something from what she is saying.

 

I have a good social life and out a lot and meet a lot of girls. I just lourve my wee <ex-name> and miss her a lot.

Edited by darran
depplover_1980 Established Member

depplover_1980

Posted
Posted

You are perhaps thinking you know her better than you really do. Sadly we don't know people as well as we think, or all of these threads on this section would not exist - as humans we are let down and surprised by others humans all the time, fact of life and time to accept it.

 

Stick to the facts for now, not emotional second guessing. She has told you to leave her alone and not wait around. By sending the letter you offer your final thoughts/offer, which she has to process. If you don't hear from her it means that you didn't know her aswell as you thought and she is moving on. Keep your dignity if this is the case and move your own life forward with your head high, knowing you won't make the same mistakes with the next person who touches your heart.

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darran Established Member

darran

Posted
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Posted (edited)
Stick to the facts for now, not emotional second guessing. She has told you to leave her alone and not wait around.

 

But she said she'd call when she feels ok with it all... that being the s**t I caused. she said that she needs to be alone for a while...

 

...therefor she needs to be alone for a while and will contact me when she feels ok about stuff...

 

argh!!!! which may never be...

 

She's just dumped a guy she run off with after ending it with me.... told her family how better he is than me and all sorts of other ****, ya know... just rebounded HER FIRST rebound.... I think anyone's head would be a little all over the place.

 

no?

 

But yea ok... you got me!

Edited by darran
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darran Established Member

darran

Posted
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Posted

depplover_1980

 

thanks by the way! just re-read what you said :)

depplover_1980 Established Member

depplover_1980

Posted
Posted

You are clearly looking for someone to give you hope Darran and i've been there myself. But looking after yourself and getting over her is the only way forward.

 

It may well have been your behaviour that ended, which btw I doubt and think you're blaming yourself but she is the one that needs to make amends and restart the relationship.

 

As for her head being 'all over', some people live their whole lives that way being emotionally confused and leaving a trail behind them - you have to face the possibility that she will never get her head together regarding you and get on with your life. Sorry.

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